Gear Shift
by FinalArc
Summary: The people around Hiccup begin to realize that not all his wounds can be fixed by a trip to the forge, and his metal leg is the least crippled thing about him. Vikings and Dragons aren't known for delicacy, but they do their best to right past wrongs and heal scars.
1. The Language of Love

Astrid had always been intense, driven and zealous, she'd been told so for as long as she could remember. She'd also been described as violent, a perfectionist and borderline insane, and only occasionally were they meant as insults. She was a Viking, and the war with the dragons had required her to be every last one of those adjectives. However, the war was long over, and people wondered if Astrid Hofferson would be able to adjust to peacetime.

But Astrid surprised them all; peace suited her well. There would always be personal challenges for her to conquer and plenty of avenues for her competitive spirit, but now that she would no longer be expected to inherit a war from the older generation, she was finally free to relax and enjoy her childhood. She was just as intense, violent and perhaps even a little insane, but people now added 'kind' and 'a good friend' to her list of character traits.

Of course, Astrid never cared much for others' judgments. What other people thought didn't define her, it was merely a useful tool by which to gauge her own development, and Astrid was pleased to hear the changes she observed in herself being confirmed by the rest of the village. But while their opinions were useful, they didn't determine who she was, and Astrid's character was her own to craft.

For the longest time, she viewed Hiccup as weak, because his worth was defined solely by the opinions of others. He was so desperate for his father's approval, her admiration, the village's acceptance, so dependent on others telling him who he was that he became nothing. Those were her thoughts, but what Astrid learned the night she'd discovered Toothless was that Hiccup would never let people and their judgments determine what he did. He'd chase for approval and let the world tell him he was worthless until he believed it with all his heart, but in the end, he would do the right thing no matter what any of them thought. Astrid would never forget his refusal to reveal Toothless to his father, standing against her and prepared to throw away everything he'd just won with the moonlit flight. If she had not agreed, if his father denounced him, if he had been banished and called an outcast, it would not have affected his resolve one iota.

Hiccup, buried under crushing layers of insecurity, knew what was important and was prepared to fight for it, regardless of whether he thought he had any value or if anybody approved. There was a bravery there that Astrid was forced to admire, and it was the reason she preferred Hiccup over all the other Viking teens. She wasn't always sure if Hiccup understood that.

Sometimes she wondered if Hiccup could ever be happy with himself, or if he'd spend the rest of his life trying to measure up to others. But as much as Astrid made it her personal mission to help Hiccup discover self-confidence, she knew that no amount of insecurity would ever stop Hiccup from standing up and fighting the good fight. In her book, that made him a pretty amazing Viking, and she told him so every chance she got. Someday, she was sure, Hiccup would realize he deserved to defend himself, too, and Astrid would stand by him until then.

But even as Hiccup grew more at ease with himself and Astrid trounced any and all threats to that, there was something important she had overlooked...

It was an ordinary day, so alike all the others that Astrid almost wondered if she'd already lived it. Fifteen years old, with no enemies on the horizon, no pressing issues with the dragons, villagers or the combination thereof. Just a group of teenagers goofing off in the academy, and even looking back, Astrid still couldn't figure out what had made this day different then all the ones before it. Perhaps it was simply a case of the straw that broke the camel's back, one step too far on an already long road, but whatever the reason, it was the day Hiccup fought back against Astrid for the first time.

She had noticed he'd been glaring a little less playfully over her usual punches and slugs to his shoulder, but she also knew that Hiccup occasionally collapsed like a pile of toy blocks from her hits, and so she chalked it up to bruises. She did try to pull her punches with Hiccup, and even at her angriest never used the force she saved for Snotlout, but it was hard to retrain her instincts and remember that Hiccup put up about as much resistance as a feather pillow. To apologize, she'd kiss him extra hard on such occasions, seizing the boy and forcing her lips on his until Hiccup was forced to surrender all his barriers. Perhaps he couldn't take a punch like a Viking should, but Astrid intended to flood that boy with enough passion to drive out any doubts that he was exactly enough for her desires, and she refused to let Hiccup's own insecurities stand in the way. She loved him, and this was the most direct way Astrid knew to communicate that.

Oh, how wrong she had been... Like so many times, Astrid slugged Hiccup in the shoulder for some minor irritant that she couldn't even remember now, and Hiccup winced and stumbled in his usual way that made their other friends giggle. "Good grief, Astrid!" Hiccup complained with a grimace, "How many times do I- mmph!" Astrid silenced his tirade with a kiss, unconcerned that his voice had held a little more anger than usual.

She thought all was well, but then Hiccup tried to push her shoulders back with his infective, feathery arms, struggling against her with muffled protests. For the life of her, Astrid couldn't figure out why, but just before she released Hiccup, he kicked her in the shin.

With the metal leg.

"Ooh, and Hofferson is down!" the twins cheered as if they were commentating a Thawfest competition, but Snotlout and Fishlegs were both startled into silence, and the dragons were just as wary as the humans. Toothless sidled up to Hiccup without a sound, curling his tail protectively around the boy, and that caused an embarrassed flush to rise to Astrid's cheeks.

"What's your problem, Hiccup?" she demanded, shaking her leg a little and walking off the injury. Yes, Hiccup didn't have a lot of power behind his kicks, but it was still a thick piece of metal and it stung, almost as much as the idea that Hiccup would push her away. She stomped over to the chief's son. "You-" but all her words died in her throat when she actually looked at Hiccup.

With her steps, he flinched, and her rage caused him to curl into himself like they were back in Dragon Training with Gobber. It was reminiscent of the way he used to look at Dagur in the middle of the older boy's knife-throwing rounds. "I-I... I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean to hurt you, just..." After a few seconds of stammering, Astrid took another step forward and Hiccup bolted, out into the air with Toothless before anyone could blink.

* * *

Astrid found Hiccup and Toothless in the cove, after allowing them both some time to cool off. She still didn't understand this situation at all, but she couldn't avoid Hiccup forever, even if she didn't think she'd like what he had to say. He stammered and cowered back in the academy, but he never apologized, and Astrid wasn't sure if that was good for Hiccup or something that spelled doom for their relationship.

Hiccup was obsessed with her, and always had been, Astrid wasn't an idiot. She knew how long she'd been pined for, though Hiccup was hardly alone in his fantasy. But now that he had Astrid, had she lost her charm, enough that he'd push her away? Was he bored with her?

But Astrid didn't run from problems, she faced them and all their consequences, so she landed Stormfly in the cove and stormed straight to Hiccup. "What happened back there, Haddock?"

Hiccup jumped and tumbled backward over the log he was sitting on, arms flailing uselessly. Astrid sighed and extended a hand to pull him back up, which Hiccup gratefully took once he realized Astrid wasn't here to beat him to a pulp. On the other side of the cove, Toothless and Stormfly played happily, and Astrid almost laughed at the betrayed look on Hiccup's face. "No hiding behind the dragon. Just tell me why you've been acting so weird."

Hiccup was quiet for a bit, looking at his hands. When he spoke, his voice was tiny and it wavered like the ripples in the water before them. "I don't like you hitting me all the time. I know you don't mean it in a bad way," he waved his hands before Astrid could say anything, "But it makes me feel.. I dunno. I don't want to feel that with my girlfriend." It was the first time either of them had explicitly put words to what they were, and hearing it soothed away all Astrid's previous worries.

"Okay," she said, noting Hiccup's tense shoulders. "I'll stop with the punches. I'll do my best, anyway." By now, punching people in the shoulder was almost a second language to her, and the only way she communicated with Snotlout. But if Hiccup didn't like it, he didn't like it, and Astrid could adapt.

Hiccup gave her a wry smile. "Sorry I'm not Viking enough to take a punch."

"Hiccup, you're more than enough Viking for me." The boy blushed and ducked his head, but his good mood faded quickly. "Something else?"

It took Hiccup some time to put his thoughts to words, and Astrid waited with growing unease. Perhaps Hiccup wasn't bored with her, but she didn't like the trembling in his shoulder or the idea that she did something to cause it. "Hiccup, it's fine!" she suddenly blurted out, afraid of the silence. "Just say it! I'm not, I mean... I _like_ you..." Astrid wasn't sure how to fix any of this. She felt a little awkward saying "I love you" still, but since Hiccup had gone so far as to call her his girlfriend, she wanted to try and meet him part way. "You're my, um, boyfriend-" awkward, but such a rush to hear- "and that's not going to stop just because I don't like what you say one time..." Hiccup looked relieved, and also amused by her fidgeting.

"And if I kick you in the leg?"

"Well, I punched you first, so I guess we're even," Astrid mumbled, and Hiccup chuckled.

But his mirth soon faded, replaced with a quiet tension. "Astrid," he all but whispered. "Have you ever noticed that I can't fight back?"

"I can teach you how to fight, we've been through this-" she stopped when she caught his eyes. "That's not what this is about, is it?"

Hiccup looked torn between running away or just drowning himself in the nearest body of water. "If I don't want you kissing me, well... you're too strong, there's nothing I can do to stop you..." Astrid stared, while Hiccup collapsed his head into his hands in embarrassment. "So, yeah," his mortified voice rose from where his hands buried it, and Astrid didn't know how to react.

"I thought you liked it," she tried, still a little thrown, and Hiccup furiously snapped his head back up.

"Of course I like it, you're_ Astrid_!" he barked, as if it was insulting to imply anything else. "But not if you're going to treat it like a sparring match!"

That cut Astrid deeply. "I don't understand!" she cried, but that admission seemed to pain Hiccup more than anything.

"Astrid, you can pick me up and throw me around like a rag doll," he pleaded, balancing out humiliation with actual pain and anger. "And maybe you're used to guys that can take it, but I can't! I push you away and it's like trying to move a brick wall!"

"I would never hurt you!" Astrid winced when she thought about all the unwanted shoulder taps, but stood by her statement. "Do you think I'm that kind of person?"

Hiccup's silence said more than his words ever could.

"It doesn't bother you that I don't kiss you back?" he finally asked, and Astrid felt herself shrinking. "That I'm never the one kissing you?"

The implications were too heavy to bear, and Astrid's reply was weak. "I just thought maybe you weren't, I don't know..."

"You thought I wasn't good at it?" Hiccup finished, and there was no point in lying. Hiccup was shy, had never kissed a girl before Astrid, and caved so naturally to Astrid's dominant spirit. She just assumed Hiccup didn't have experience in the romantic department, and was more than comfortable taking the lead. Hiccup admitted bitterly, "Well, there is that. Not that I ever got a chance to prove myself."

Astrid wilted next to the boy she claimed was her boyfriend, and the two sat on the log in silence for a few seconds, each of them trying to compose their thoughts into something coherent. Hiccup finished first, "Look, I know I'm just... this," he gestured to all of himself, "I'm not the muscly warrior you probably hoped for, and I know I'll never be everything you deserve, I'm surprised you put up with me as it is-"

_Stop,_ her mind ordered. _Just stop it, Hiccup. _She wanted to punch him in the shoulder for saying that about himself, grab him by the collar and kiss him until he was forced to realize how badly she wanted him in his exact, current, glorious state. But she held back, because somehow, the way she fought Hiccup's demons were creating a whole bunch of new ones that terrified her.

"-sorry I even told you this, it's gotta be revolting, right? It is, isn't it?" he answered himself before giving Astrid a chance. "Gods, this is embarrassing! But I love you, Astrid," his words tumbled out in a rush. "I always have, but I don't feel like a _person_ when you..." Their eyes locked, and Hiccup trailed off. "Well, yeah. I might as well not be there."

How could he say that? How could Astrid kiss with all her heart and soul and none of her feelings make it through to Hiccup? She'd memorized Hiccup's taste, his smell, he was beautiful, he was kind, he was brave, he melted into her and surrendered to her control like no boy had ever been secure enough to do. But none of that reached across the distance to the one she loved, and he said he felt like an object.

"I'm sorry!" Astrid burst out, and she was. "I'm sorry, okay? This is the first time I've ever..." the first time she'd ever loved a boy, the first time she'd ever kissed or allowed anyone to know her real feelings on anything. "I mean, I don't know what I'm supposed to do! But I love you, so," those awkward words slipped out easily now, "Tell me how to make it right again!"

Hiccup seemed shocked, shy and somehow more courageous than facing unknown dragons. "Astrid, can I kiss you?" he whispered, and though Astrid gave her permission easily, he was still slow and hesitant. But after several burdened seconds, his tender lips finally touched to hers.

It wasn't like any of the previous kisses had been. Astrid had expected something a little more frenzied and urgent, but Hiccup always forged his own path and would never do the expected thing. This time, Hiccup wasn't something to be conquered, he was a fragile blossom pushing past the snow into the sunlight, breakable by harsh wind and unseeing footfalls. But he was also present, focused, and giving his entire heart to Astrid with every touch. For all his gentility, Hiccup was somehow more passionate than Astrid had ever been.

They were united, and Astrid found the concept unknown and foreign, unlike all the instincts she'd grown up with. This wasn't selfish or solitary, and she suddenly realized how absent Hiccup had been from the process until now. She had treated him like a toy or a tool, one that could have been replaced with no discernible effects.

But this boy in front of her now was Hiccup, somehow more real and alive than she'd ever perceived. And while Astrid still felt the urge to grab this boy and ravish him until her emotions filled him from his head to his toes, she now understood what Hiccup had been trying to tell her, and how much power she really wielded. That kind of power demanded a responsibility Astrid had not been aware of, and a trust she had not yet earned.

When Hiccup left her lips, his green eyes opened and communicated so much Astrid had been blind to before. He wasn't weak, and never had been.

Astrid hated herself for making him feel like he was.

"I'm sorry," she offered, and Hiccup leaded his forehead against hers.

"It's fine," he murmured, blinking away the tears that had formed in his eyes that Astrid hoped were from joy but suspected may have had multiple origins. "So, what happens now?" Gods, was he expecting her to break up with him? To push him away, or to cast aside the concerns he'd been vulnerable enough to share? But for once in this entire conversation, Astrid felt like she knew how to answer him.

She shifted her weight and encircled Hiccup in her arms, and he folded into her until they were both wrapped in a comfortable hug. "You tell me what you want to happen," she said simply, "And I'll figure out a way to make it work." Hiccup came up with the plans, Astrid backed him up, just like always. Astrid trusted in Hiccup's plans, that he had considered the dangers, the options, and most importantly, her. She needed Hiccup to see that he could trust her, now.

Hiccup sighed into Astrid's shoulder. "I'm not strong enough to push you back," he said with all the tension finally draining from his limbs like the mountain runoff. "So I need you to listen. I need to be able to trust you." He wanted to feel safe. It wasn't so long ago that he was a lonely thing that Astrid rarely wasted time looking at. Even now, he was his father's pride and joy, but that didn't mean Stoick always listened or understood his son.

"You can," Astrid promised solemnly. "What you want is important to me."

"Really?" Hiccup asked, as if he couldn't believe it was that simple. Trust would have to come with time, Astrid realized. But they had all the time in the world and she had Hiccup in her arms, so she had no intention of screwing this up again.

It was a few hours later that Astrid realized that Hiccup had never apologized for kicking her. She had no need to hear an apology, but every time her bruise throbbed, she remembered why it was put there, and felt shame for having driven her boyfriend- it was so wonderful to use that word!- into that corner.

But it wasn't all bad, she mused, and despite the negative memories, she still had to smile. Her little Hiccup still had a long way to go in the self-confidence department. He still had some delusion that he couldn't make Astrid happy, and while he stood in favor with the townspeople, he remained sensitive to all snide or thoughtless comments on his abilities. There were still times when Snotlout or those like him treated Hiccup as though he were the village screw-up, hopeless and useless, and sometimes Astrid still had to talk Hiccup down from the dark ledges his mind ran to.

But this time, even when facing a person whose rejection would have broken him, he dared to voice a dissenting opinion, for his own sake and no one else's. Rather than enduring abuse and belittlement with his usual silence or veiled sarcasm, this time her Hiccup had confronted his aggressor and kicked them in the shins, and Astrid couldn't have been more proud of him.

As for herself, the war was over, and it was peacetime. And Astrid intended to spend all that time adding "trustworthy" to her list of character traits.


	2. Fixing A Broken Tailfin

While Ruffnut and Tuffnut weren't exactly friends with Hiccup-no one was friends with Hiccup- they didn't dislike him, either. He caused a lot of destruction with his hopeless attempts to help out during dragon raids and some of his inventions broke buildings and set things on fire. How could they not appreciate that?

Also, Hiccup was fun to tease. He made ridiculous faces and a fabulous range of shrieks, squeaks and shouts, and he was funny. Yes, a lot of his dry observations went completely over the twin's heads, but they were still able to catch a few witticisms and it took them by surprise every time.

Hiccup was like a pet monkey, all cuteness and gangly limbs, but constantly getting into trouble and not particularity useful for anything. Ruffnut and Tuffnut liked it that way, but then the world changed overnight with the defeat of the Red Death. Suddenly Hiccup was extremely useful and mostly out of trouble, one of his gangly limbs was made of metal and he really wasn't cute anymore. It felt like someone had taken their pet away.

Yes, learning to train dragons with Hiccup was pretty cool, and Barf and Belch was even better than a pet, better than all the dragon raids in the world, even if the amount of chaos on Berk had dropped recently. But adjusting was hard, and both of the twins felt that they had lost some things among all that they gained.

Back in Dragon Training, when training meant killing things, they could tease Hiccup about how good he was with dragons, why he always disappeared, how much he obviously liked Astrid or how short and skinny he was. They could tease him about good things and bad things, and whether he was the village screw-up or the village's dragon-wrangling celebrity, Hiccup was so animated and vibrant.

Dragons blew up buildings every other week, and Ruffnut and Tuffnut were right in the middle of it, surrounded by flames, destruction and screams. Now they had to work extra hard just to cause an ounce of trouble, and were starting to feel like they were underfoot in the village. It wasn't bad, there were a lot more celebrations and a lot less funerals overall, but the change was hard to get used to.

To cope, the twins took comfort in each other, running off to some hideaway when the town of Berk felt just a little too confining and strange, but they'd yet to find the perfect haven. Tuffnut thought he might have found a paradise when he stumbled upon the cove, but when he came back a few hours later, he discovered that Hiccup and Toothless considered the cove their place, and while Hiccup was willing to share, he wasn't willing to vacate.

Tuffnut was disappointed, but not particularly bothered. "Oh, well. I told Ruff I'd meet her here. Be my twin until she shows up, ok?"

"Huh? Be your twin?" Hiccup was confused and startled when Tuffnut flopped backwards over the log the other boy was sitting on, head where his feet should have been. "What are you doing?"

"What I always do." Tuffnut grinned at his upside-down world before looking up at Hiccup and pointing to the notebook in his hands. "Hey, whazzat?"

"Nothing," Hiccup said quickly and hid the notebook away, but Tuffnut just nodded to himself as best as he could with the horns of his helmet digging into the dirt.

"You were drawing, weren't you? I can tell." Hiccup flushed a little and looked away. "Have you always been doing that?"

"I guess." Normally Hiccup got that cute puppy look when he was embarrassed, all fidgety and squirmy with big eyes darting all over the place. But now Hiccup barely moved except to hedge up his shoulders and blush.

"You any good?"

Hiccup picked up a stick and poked at the dirt a bit. "I don't know."

"I saw a picture of Toothless at the forge. I knew exactly what it was." Since Hiccup didn't thank Tuffnut for his compliment, the conversation dropped off and Tuffnut just let the blood flow to his head. It was probably for the best that Hiccup and Toothless had already claimed this place; it was a little too calm and peaceful. Tuffnut was hoping more for some sort of soggy, alone place, or at least a soggy, share-with-Ruffnut place. This place was cool, but probably not for him.

He watched Toothless bounding over the ground with a giant tree branch for a bit. "Does your dragon draw?"

"He thinks he does." There it was again, Hiccup being funny! But not hilarious. Normally, after Tuffnut thought about what Hiccup said for a bit, Hiccup was hilarious, but even after a few minutes went by, Hiccup's joke was only sort of funny.

"Hey, how come you're not any fun anymore?" Tuffnut asked, while both Hiccup and his dragon continued their stick drawings. "You broken or something?"

"What are you talking about?" Hiccup replied with a sigh, and Tuffnut pointed up at him.

"That's what I'm talking about, you're always tired and you don't laugh or make anybody else laugh! It's boring," he declared with a frown, and Hiccup threw his hands up in the air.

"Sorry, I didn't realize I was here for your amusement." After a second, he went back to disturbing the earth and creating some picture that Tuffnut couldn't make out from his current angle. "What do you care? You never paid attention to me anyway."

"What? You're inventions exploded in your face, of course I paid attention to you!" Hiccup gave one of his boring sighs again. "Ruffnut, too. Back then, you smiled with your eyes and cried with your whole face. You and the chief used to scream at each other so loud we could hear it from anywhere on the island. And now your eyes are tired, your face barely moves and your house is always quiet."

"Getting along with Dad is a bad thing?"

"You're just afraid of him," Tuffnut pronounced as a matter of fact. "And he's afraid of you. And now you're boring, too. I think you're broken."

After a few seconds of silence, Hiccup spoke with some edge, "Quit acting like I'm an object. I'm a person, and I'm not the one who changed." He glared down at Tuffnut. "You're the one acting like the last fifteen years never happened."

"Huh? What happened? Did I lose my memory? Time warp?" He couldn't wait to tell Ruffnut! She would be so jealous!

"No, why would you- never mind!" Hiccup threw his stick at the ground and sighed again. "One minute the chief tells me I'm the scourge of the village, and then I wake up and everyone acts like I'm some sort of hero! Even Mildew treats me like a normal person! Everyone wants to be all buddy-buddy with me and no one even acknowledges-" Hiccup suddenly broke off, starting to work up a frenzy, and took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

Tuffnut was disappointed. It was more interesting when Hiccup went completely off the rails. "Do you want us to go back to calling you 'Useless' again?" he offered kindly. "'Cause we can totally do that. I can ask Snotlout."

"No, _please_," Hiccup muttered, and Tuffnut flopped his arms onto the ground.

"What do you want then? Gods, you're so picky!" Hiccup rolled his eyes and kicked a bit at his drawing.

"An apology might be nice," he said finally. Tuffnut looked up at the boy who said that quietly, but also non-nonchalantly, as if he didn't really care. Like he expected the world would completely ignore it.

Tuffnut sat up properly on the log, swooning a little from the head rush, and he looked down at Hiccup's drawing. It was nothing special, just a frowning stick figure missing half of a leg. It was surrounded by a circle of smiling stick figures, a shining sun, puffy clouds and a few happy dragons.

For the life of him, Tuffnut couldn't pinpoint why this image was so depressing. "Well, if that's what you want... Sorry, Hiccup."

Hiccup leaned back with an expression that screamed of futility. "The thing about apologies? You actually have to mean them."

"Oh..." That explained _so_ much... Hiccup groaned aloud.

"You really don't get it at all, do you?" Tuffnut had to admit, he was clueless on just about everything related to Hiccup. Except for the fact that Hiccup was broken and Hiccup himself didn't seem to realize that. He looked down at the drawing and analyzed it some more.

"Did Astrid not apologize? Is that why you kicked her the other day?"

"Shut up."

"No, really." Tuffnut and Ruffnut had been debating this for awhile. "Or is it because she's a terrible kisser? Please say yes, I have a bet riding on this."

"Oh, my Gods! No!" Hiccup exploded, hands looking as if they wanted to strangle something. "It's none of your business! That was between me and Astrid!"

"Yeah, but now the whole village is wondering what's between you and Astrid."

"Just because I'm visible now, suddenly my life belongs to all of you?" Hiccup hissed. "I'm not doing any of this to entertain you, Tuffnut!" Hiccup clenched his fists and began doing his calm breathing again, and Tuffnut was once again disappointed not to see Hiccup in full, glorious fury.

Now that the rage was passing, Hiccup looked tired and apathetic again. It was actually starting to worry Tuffnut a little. The stick people were all smiling, but the picture in the dirt looked sadder than ever.

"You know, Snotlout's kind of a jerk."

"You don't say," Hiccup said dryly, and Tuffnut almost laughed. Hiccup was being funny again, in that way where he sounded like he wasn't. He used to do that more often, and he didn't always sound so mean and angry and tired.

"Yeah, he's always saying stuff to make me and Ruff mad, but we barely remember it now. Lots of people yell at us and think we're stupid or whatever, it's always pissing us off." Tuffnut drew two identical stick figures in the dirt with frowny faces. "But the next day, we don't even remember what the big deal was." He reached over and tried to draw a smiley face over Hiccup's lone frown, but it ended up looking like stick-Hiccup had weird fangs, like some kind of dragon.

"Must be nice," Hiccup drawled while Tuffnut scratched in some claws and a tail on the solitary stick man. He wrinkled his nose. "What are you doing?"

Tuffnut finished turning the Hiccup-drawing into a dragon and sat back. "I'm sorry," he said, feeling some uncomfortable weights settling around his heart. "That I did something to you that you can't forget."

Hiccup was very quiet, and still as a stone for several minutes while Tuffnut watched Toothless chasing squirrels. "I don't know how to deal with stuff now that you've changed it," Tuffnut finally complained, thinking back to why he was here in the first place. "Everything's different. Now Ruff and I are the useless ones and there's never any excitement unless we're breaking stuff."

"Sorry," Hiccup said, and it didn't sound like he was saying one thing but meaning the opposite.

Tuffnut shrugged. "It's not all bad. Nobody dies anymore. Dragon raids were cool, but if Ruffnut died like your mom did, then I'd be twin-less all the time. It's fine for a bit, but you're not so good at being my twin." Especially now that Hiccup was acting all boring and weird.

"I really hate you."

"Yeah? Cool! I didn't even know you could tell us apart!" Tuffnut felt all the uncomfortable weights disappear as a grin took over his face. "Don't hate Ruffnut, okay? I want to have something she doesn't."

Hiccup stared with his brows knit together. "You were dropped at birth, weren't you?"

"Everyone always asks me that..." Tuffnut scratched his head. "Anyway, thanks for changing the world and losing your leg and all that. It's better now, I just have a hard time getting used to it." Hiccup looked like he wanted to express his hatred of Tuffnut again, but seemed to change his mind at the last second.

"I'm having a hard time with it, too..."

"Yeah? Everyone says you're a natural teaching at the Academy." Hiccup looked surprised, but Tuffnut pointed to the boy's prosthetic before he could say anything. "What about that thing? That looks pretty fun."

That happy, surprised look vanished from Hiccup's face in a heartbeat. "Well, it's _not_ fun. It hurts all the time and I still spend every night cleaning blood off of it."

"Really? Let me see?"

"Not a chance." If Tuffnut had to guess, he'd say that Hiccup was pissed off, but as usual, Hiccup's emotions weren't using all of his face. Mostly, his face was registering as irritated. "Do you have to sit here and bug me?"

"Yeah, if Ruffnut shows up and I'm not here, we'll spend all day trying to find each other." Hiccup groaned aloud. "Does your leg hurt right now?"

There was hesitation, before, "...yes."

"Huh. I couldn't even tell. You must be pretty brave." Once again, something he'd said had shocked Hiccup into silence, though Tuffnut had given up trying to understand why. "You were always good at that, though. Taking punches, falling off stuff, living through disasters..."

"I've had a lot of practice."

"Yeah? Is that why you're having a hard time now? Because dragons don't attack and no one yells or hits you?"

"That might be part of it," Hiccup answered after some thought. He added quickly, "Please don't fix that. I like it how it is."

"Okay, but I like you better when you screamed at your dad and laughed really loud and stuff." Hiccup looked over curiously, and Tuffnut elaborated. "I mean, it's super-_Viking_ that nobody can tell your leg hurts, but right now you look like _nothing_ really hurts, and nothing makes you happy." He was about to say something more, but then he heard some pebbles falling behind him.

Both he and Hiccup turned to see Ruffnut making her way down into the cove. "Hey, Ruff! Get over here by Hiccup! We're triplets now!"

"I never agreed to this," Hiccup began, at the same time that Ruffnut jumped to the ground and moaned, "We're hanging out with Hiccup? But he's so _boring_! He doesn't even blow stuff up anymore!"

"He's fine, I think he's just broken right now," Tuffnut insisted, ignoring Hiccup's indignant protest. "Once he's fixed, he'll probably make more crazy inventions and set the town on fire again."

"Ooh, could you?" Ruffnut's eyes were shining. Hiccup feebly insisted that it was an accident and it only happened once. "How do we fix him?"

Getting fed up, Hiccup crossed his arms. "Yeah, Tuffnut, how do you "fix" me?" After thinking about it for a bit, and watching the black dragon nearby, Tuffnut had some inspiration.

"What if we make him a tail fin, like the one Toothless has?" Ruffnut pursed her lips, while Hiccup rolled his eyes.

"I don't think it's that simple, guys."

Rufnut nodded. "Yeah, that tail fin's pretty complicated. It's got all these different gears..."

"That's why Hiccup needs one," Tuffnut pressed, stamping out Hiccup's previous drawing and digging out one big smiling face with his boot. "Toothless' tail can adapt. You need new gears," he pointed at Hiccup, and the other boy dropped his arms. "'Cause you've only got the one, so you can't shift."

Hiccup swallowed, and finally looked at the ground. "I'm stuck in first gear, huh?"

"So, we're gonna make you a tail fin!" Tuffnut clapped his hands and he and Ruffnut stood up. "No time to waste!" The twins, now reunited as a pair, ran off to the cove's exit. "Bye, Hiccup! Thanks for being triplets with us!"

"Let's never do it again!" Hiccup called after them, before plunking back down on his log. The sight reminded Tuffnut of something.

"Hey, Ruffnut, you gotta go apologize to Hiccup!"

"Huh? For what?"

"I dunno, I forgot," her brother whispered. "But _he_ remembers, so..." Ruffnut looked over at Hiccup, who looked back petulantly.

"You guys know I can hear you, right?"

Tuffnut shrugged, and Ruffnut seemed to get the message. She sprinted back over to Hiccup and seized his hand. "I'm sorry, Hiccup!" she cried gaily while shaking his arm up and down. When the small boy finally pulled his hand away, Ruffnut beamed at him. "Does that help?" Hiccup looked like he wanted to yell at somebody, but eventually gave up.

"It's a start." His smile was wry and cynical, but Tuffnut was pleased to see it took up his whole, freckled face.


	3. Back to Basics

One week of living with humans and Toothless wished he was still stuck in that stupid cove. If offered, he'd give up his new prosthetic fin or even his wings to be back in that time and place. If only he appreciated that life when he had it.

Yes, he'd been a newly christened amputee at the time and reeling from physical and emotional pain, and yes, his condition also left him unable to feed himself or even get off the island full of humans who proudly slaughtered his kind, and yes, his survival was completely dependent on the same diminutive creature who'd shot him down in the first place, so perhaps Toothless was idealizing that period of his life just a _smidge_. But for all the downsides, he could clearly remember how all those worries eased away, including weights Toothless hadn't realized he'd been carrying. The little wisp of a human played and ate with him, smiled at him, eased the loneliness Toothless didn't know was eating at his heart. Missing a piece of himself, Toothless was sure no one would approach him again, wished even _he_ didn't have to look at himself, but that little boy put his life in Toothless' hands just to _touch_ him.

An animated pile of twigs, a fish-bone with skin and hair. After breathing life into thousands of burly, Viking children, Nature finally hiccuped, and that unfortunate result had not only managed to rip Toothless from the sky and force him to the ground, but free him from his chains and help him soar.

And all this was before anyone starting talking about saddles and foot pedals.

Trusting Hiccup hadn't been easy, and loving him came even slower, but it happened, and before Astrid and Hookfang and the Queen entered into the narrative, it had been the most beautiful time of Toothless' life. But it was a small moment in the larger whole, and it couldn't have lasted forever. Time would have eventually worn on, and he and Hiccup would have to decide their future one way or another.

Having it decided for them just added extra friction. Toothless was all for the idea of living on Berk and integrating dragons and Vikings, but he knew it wouldn't go smoothly. They had been lucky that winter followed so closely on the heels of the great battle, as most of the people stayed huddled up in their homes or the Great Hall and weren't often roaming the streets without good reason. With the exception of Snoggletog, the streets were quiet and the town center barren, and while the dragons weren't devastated by the cold, they were also somewhat less active. The reduced interaction helped relations immensely, but Toothless knew that just as his time in the cove had come to an end, winter would someday give way to spring.

And as predicted, the weather warmed up and both humans and dragons grew more lively, both trying to settle into routines that didn't quite mesh. Hiccup and Toothless dealt with the issues as best they could, but the two of them also had to settle into _their_ new life together, and that life was a lot more complicated than those blissful days in the cove.

But flying was easy. Flying was the one thing that could never be complicated or twisted into something uncomfortable. Toothless jumped on the roof of Hiccup's house and whacked his tail against the side wall to wake up his rider, just as he did every morning.

Hiccup was slow on this particular day, and came outside with great reluctance. "Sorry, bud. We can't go flying today." Toothless laughed, _You must be joking, right? _and jumped down to Hiccup, bounding around the boy and splashing in a puddle of melted snow. He knew for a fact that Dragon Training would wait until the sun was much higher in the sky, and Hiccup would not be expected at the forge until even later than that. And Hiccup loved flying as much as Toothless did, needed to get away from all his ground-related problems just as badly. "I mean it, bud. Not today." Hiccup looked tired, his movements were slow, and his eyes spoke of aches, pains and not enough sleep.

Winter had been hard on the two of them, at least at first. Now that Toothless was part of Hiccup's human life and not living in their own, perfect world, he'd been worried about his standing. That tail fin Hiccup crafted wasn't what made Toothless fly, after all, the boy himself was just as necessary to the process. Hiccup was the real prosthetic, and Toothless somehow went from an equal to a dog that needed to be walked, and what if Hiccup decided he didn't _want to_ anymore?

He resented it, Toothless could admit that. The island was full of dragons and Hiccup could ride any of them, but Toothless could only fly if Hiccup agreed to it, _had _to fly when Hiccup required it, and some days flying only occurred if there was some chore or errand that needed doing. And there was no break from each other's company; Hiccup no longer led a double life and between the grounding and Mildew stirring up trouble, the two were near inseparable. There was certainly no chance of ever taking to the sky without the human on his back so he could just have _five minutes alone._ Working all that out made for a long winter, compounded by Hiccup and Toothless still adjusting to their new artificial limbs, but they ironed most of it out.

Snoggletog helped with that. Hiccup's gift of a new tail fin brought about the most tumultuous and emotional time of Toothless' life since losing the first one, and Toothless spent days with his feelings oscillating between ridiculous highs and lows. He searched for Hiccup's helmet while his mind ran from _Sweet, Blessed Freedom!_ to_ Hiccup must be sick of having to fly his pet dragon every day_, and everything in between.

But when Toothless returned to Berk three days later, he was better for some time alone to think, and it was very clear that Hiccup considered him more than just a burden of guilt. It was also painfully clear that Hiccup went through an emotional crisis of his own over the issue, that Toothless' absence had managed to aggravate. But the smashing of the new tail fin managed to communicate Toothless' feelings in such a vivid manner that even the self-deprecating Hiccup couldn't misinterpret them. Flying without Hiccup was just flying, it didn't mean anything. Toothless' tail wasn't the only broken thing to be repaired, and Hiccup was part of the whole prosthetic.

"I'm serious, bud. No flying." Toothless just snorted and tried to nudge his rider onto his back. Whatever rules or chores Stoick had set could go ignored for a bit longer. _ Come on, you need this as much as I do. _They needed to be in the air, where they were free and content with the world and their places in it. "Ack! I said no! I can't today!"

Flying was starting to be the only time where Hiccup showed his full smile, and his vibrant spirit seemed so dulled when they touched back to earth. But Hiccup's voice was strained and insistent. "It's not gonna happen today, got it? I'm really sorry..." Toothless stopped forcing it, though he let his displeasure be known. _Okay, but you owe me one. _ "I know, I know. I wish I could, but..." Hiccup sighed and turned back to the house. "I'm not feeling so awesome today..."

Toothless was about to question it, but Hiccup suddenly froze, mid-turn. "Ah!" He teetered and suppressed a small cry, eyes wider than a pair of snowballs. The moment passed, but when Hiccup tried to take a second step, an action requiring far too much effort, he seized up again and clutched at his leg.

The boy slowly crumpled and Toothless rushed to his side to prop him up, but Hiccup had no ability to stand up straight and Toothless eventually chose to guide him gently down to the ground, where Hiccup held back a scream and tried not to writhe. _Breathe, Hiccup, remember to breathe._

The dragon knew what was happening. The weather had changed, and their bodies were unforgiving of the damage done to them. Toothless had endured twinging, phantom sensations and outright pain and now Hiccup was joining him in a lifetime of pleading with the air pressure to try and hate them just a little less. Admittedly, Hiccup appeared to have more trouble adjusting, probably because his prosthetic had to take weight with every step, whereas Toothless' tail apparatus was a bit less demanding, at least most days.

Hiccup sucked air through his teeth and eventually was able to move again. "Yeah, sorry, it's not happening today..." _ I'm starting to get that... _Toothless helped Hiccup to rise and then ferried him back into the house, where the boy promptly ripped the metal leg off and threw it across the room with a strangled yell. Boy and dragon stared at it for a second, before Hiccup let out a frustrated sigh. Toothless crooned in sympathy.

"Stupid weather." Hiccup hopped over to the medical supplies and grabbed a jar of paste that Gothi had given him, and then he and Toothless flopped down together on the floor in defeat. "There go my plans for the day..."

Toothless agreed when he saw the abused flesh under the bandages. Hiccup's stump was raw and blistered, and some of the scars had split open again. _Why didn't you say anything?_ he grumbled a little, and Hiccup grumbled right back. "Don't you dare say 'I told you so', you hypocrite." Since Toothless was also prone to flying whether his tail was up to the task or not, he bit back his lecture, but he planned to keep that boy grounded for the rest of the day, at least.

Stoick was of the same opinion when he woke up. "Mornin' son! How are- By Thor, what happened to you?"

"Why, nothing, chief," Hiccup's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Just getting ready for Stump Day."

Stoick sighed and thudded over. "All right, shove off, dragon. Let me take a look." Toothless stepped aside and Hiccup grudgingly allowed his father to inspect the remains of his leg, visibly putting up defenses against the lecture that was sure to come. "I keep telling you to give it a rest. You can't keep running over hill and dale until it's completely healed. That first day of flying should have been a clue." Hiccup had jumped straight onto Toothless and taken to the sky within minutes of rising from his coma, and had returned to the house writhing in pain and all of his stitches torn. They had taken it slow after that, but Hiccup had a psychological need that flying filled, and it was actually stronger than Toothless' own need to be up in the clouds.

But that didn't mean it was advisable, and certainly not combined with Hiccup's insane desire to perform thousand-foot swan dives. "Gods, Hiccup, you don't even take the darn thing off to sleep! You've got to start taking care of yourself!"

"Well, maybe if I wasn't always waking up to Outcast attacks or death threats on my dragon in the middle of the night, I'd think about it!" Hiccup hotly replied, and Stoick just sighed. For his part, Toothless lay down and tried to tune out the argument. He'd heard it echo all winter long, and as much as he liked Stoick, the banter was too jagged not to cut all who heard it. Toothless wasn't privy to much of Hiccup's past, anymore than Hiccup knew of Toothless' hatchling days, but this repeated scenario felt wrong.

_Something is broken in this house._

"Fair point, but take it easy. It's not going to heal just by willin' it so." He dipped his fingers into the jar of cream and was about to apply it to his son's leg, but Hiccup pushed his hand away.

"I got it, Dad." Stoick began to speak, but Hiccup cut him off. "It's fine. _I've got it._"

There was an insistence there that wouldn't be denied, so Stoick was forced to forfeit the task. Instead, he took up the breakfast preparations, and once Hiccup was salved and re-bandaged, he hopped across the room to set the table, using chairs and bookshelves for balance as a crutch lay forgotten in the corner. After a whole winter of dealing with the injury, Hiccup's prosthetic and the lack thereof had become commonplace in the house, and neither Stoick nor Toothless batted an eye.

At least, not until another twist hit Hiccup and he only barely got the plates on the table without dropping them. _You can do it, Hiccup. Just breathe. _Stoick watched his son ride it out while gripping the table with white knuckles, finally speaking, "The weather?"

"Yeah," Hiccup pushed out with a labored breath, the episode passing. He forced a small laugh. "I will never doubt Bucket's storm predictions again." His father clapped a hand on his son's shoulders that nearly smashed the poor boy into the table, and the larger man retrieved a pot of porridge without having noticed that fact.

"Yeah, Gobber's been complaining some, too. Reckon the forge'll be closed today." Hiccup looked relieved, though Toothless knew he wasn't planning on showing up for work anyway. "You won't be going to the Academy, either."

Before Hiccup could answer, there was a knock at the door, and the familiar voice of Astrid called. "Hiccup? Are you still in bed? Come on, you're late!"

Toothless perked up; he loved Astrid, and Stormfly was fast becoming a friend. He'd been friendless for most of his life, mostly by choice, but now found relationships and bonds to be precious, thanks to the bipedal friend who'd forced his way into a dragon's heart. But that two-footed creature was currently a one-footed creature, and Hiccup rose from his chair in visible panic. His eyes darted between Toothless and the discarded leg in the corner, and Toothless knew what he wanted even before it was asked.

_Don't worry, I'm on it. _ Toothless went to retrieve the prosthetic, while Hiccup hissed to his father, "I don't want to talk to her now!"

Stoick already had one hand on the door, while Hiccup and Toothless fumbled with the fake leg. "Oh no, don't you be wearin' that thing! I saw the state of your leg."

"Then get her out of here!" Hiccup begged, while Toothless stood protectively in front of his rider. Stoick looked confused, but Toothless thought it was a matter of privilege. As a father, Stoick had looked after his son while he was infantile and helpless, and Toothless had also weathered storms and seen Hiccup take his first steps on his new leg. The three of them had been sequestered together all winter under this roof, a family who earned the right to see certain weaknesses. _If you can call one dragon and two bickering monkeys a functioning family._

Astrid had yet to earn some of those privileges, that was all. Until Hiccup was ready to share those vulnerabilities, Toothless wouldn't force him to bare his leg in front of the village.

After all, though no one spoke of it, there was something in the village as broken as this house.

Stoick didn't look like he understood, but did not invite Astrid in when he opened the door, and the large man's frame blocked most of the doorway. "Mornin' Astrid. I'm afraid Hiccup's a little under the weather. He's not up to flying or training dragons today."

"Oh." She sounded disappointed. "Is it all right if I see him?" Hiccup waved his arms in an over-dramatic 'No'.

"He's resting now, lass. Maybe you could come by later?" Astrid agreed to this and went on her way, while Hiccup collapsed back into his chair with relief and Toothless shook off some restless energy.

But Stoick frowned as he returned to the table. "Is everything all right between you and Astrid?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It's not like you to turn away your friend. And there's a story going around the village of you kicking her." Hiccup glared at his father. "I'm not saying Astrid can't handle herself, but I don't want any son of mine to go around kicking girls."

"Don't worry, this isn't going to be a regular thing." _And here we go again... _Those jagged edges were back, like splinters in the floorboards. Stoick didn't know the story, Hiccup certainly wasn't going to tell it, and Toothless couldn't communicate efficiently enough to mediate. Gods, how Toothless wanted to just grab Hiccup and escape the Viking world completely.

He thought the topic was going to be dropped, but then Stoick's face took on a look of concern and Toothless felt his heart leap. Was this the moment where the cycle was finally broken? _Go for it, old man! Do it, do it! _ "What happened, son?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Hiccup sighed. "Astrid and I argued, and then we settled it. That's all..." Hiccup blushed a little, probably thinking about_ how_ they'd settled it. Toothless snickered a little.

"You kicked her over an argument?"

"Gee, after years of getting my face pounded in the dirt, I thought you'd be proud of me." _Hiccup, there's so much acid on your tongue you could be a snake. _ Toothless desperately tried to use his eyes to tell Stoick that this was a delicate subject, one involving a torn and terrified Hiccup pouring out his soul to his best friend until tears erupted for days on end. If he could, Toothless would have demanded Stoick first address the real problem, explain what was so wrong with this house and the village and why Hiccup acted like he was discovering a new land when Toothless was the foreigner.

But Toothless could only speak with the tongue of dragons, so he went ignored. "What happened to 'Gods, son, aren't you ever going to show some backbone. They'll leave you alone if you fight back!'" Toothless couldn't imagine the idea of Hiccup in a real fight, at least not one where that backbone of his didn't end up smashed to pieces. _More importantly, who are "they"?_

"None of your sass." Hiccup looked like he wanted to scream, but luckily he said nothing more, and Stoick dropped the conversation with a few more charges that it not happen again.

"Sure, fine," Hiccup grumbled, and Toothless made a worried noise in his throat. His rider had defended himself against something that threatened him, surely he wasn't agreeing to stop that? If Stoick knew of Hiccup's situation, he wouldn't have asked that, right? He couldn't possibly want his son to just cave to the whims of stronger Vikings who could use his frail body however they chose, and he must have known that Hiccup was too gentle to have struck anyone without a good reason. And Hiccup must have had the same thoughts as Toothless.

_So why aren't they talking to each other?_

But the rest of breakfast passed in silence, and the dishes were cleared with no more words than necessary. Hiccup plunked himself down near a bucket of water to rinse out their bowls, refusing to allow Toothless to lick them clean. When they were washed, dried, and returned to their place, Stoick handed Hiccup a steaming mug.

"Drink this, it'll help you sleep. You look like the dead," the gruff man explained, and Hiccup eventually complied. "Just rest and put your feet up. Absolutely no flying or wearing that leg of yours."

"No arguments here." Hiccup hopped over to where a mound of furs were stacked in the corner, while his father rolled his eyes.

"I might as well throw that crutch out, for all you use it."

"Don't you dare, it's decorative art!" Hiccup teased as he gathered up an armful of fur. Toothless tugged at his rider's shirt until the boy fell backwards against him.

"Do you want me to move your bed down closer to the fire?"

"No, I think I'm good right here..." Toothless wrapped his wings around Hiccup while the small boy draped and tucked the fur around him, and after a few minutes, they both found comfortable positions. "Well, good night, I guess." Stoick chuckled.

"Get some sleep. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Happy chief-ing," Hiccup yawned as the man left, then snuggled into Toothless. The second the door shut, both boy and dragon breathed a sigh of relief, finally alone with no one to bear down on them. But the pressures of this ground world weren't entirely absent just because people were, and Toothless curled his tail around Hiccup in an attempt to feel closer. They couldn't go flying, but maybe he could find a way to establish that connection without it.

The floor was wood, not ground, there were walls to block the air and sun, Hiccup's world was full of rules and schedules and other humans with a hundred different personalities, and Toothless was exhausted for trying to make himself fit into it. A nap would be good for them both, though as tired as Hiccup looked, sleep didn't come easily. The boy ran his fingers along the edge of Toothless' tail. "Does it ever feel like it's still there?"

_Huh? _Toothless crooned a confused tone, and Hiccup elaborated. "Sometimes if I touch the empty space," he demonstrated on his own missing limb, "I think I can feel the touch. When we had all those lightning storms, I could swear I felt my old leg hurting. That ever happen to you?" _Oh, mother of alphas, yes. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, jump out the window and fall straight onto my face._

The dragon nodded, and Hiccup yawned again. "Weird, huh? Wonder how that works..." He nestled into Toothless, who pulled the boy a little closer. "You suffered a lot, didn't you? When it first happened..." Soothing fingers continued to stroke the skin that had long since healed over, brushing up against the metal and leather of the artificial tail that Toothless now considered part of himself.

Like the boy who built it. "I'm sorry," said boy intoned. "I did this to you, and I didn't even understand what you must have felt-" Toothless whacked him with the fleshy part of his tail and grumbled. _Oh, shut up. _ Time had passed, he no longer begrudged Hiccup anything. _ I think the repair job you did on my soul is worth one measly fin. _ "Okay, I'm done whining, you over-sized salamander."

Toothless nuzzled Hiccup as the boy dropped off, feeling melancholy. He couldn't make the aches and pains go away any more than Hiccup could, and everything else surrounded and drowned them. Toothless would never leave Hiccup, but he missed the simplicity of his old life, flying when and where he pleased, catching fish for himself and no one else. His new life was full of tasks and deadlines, finding solutions to other people's problems and constantly proving himself to the same humans who'd happily tried to end his life. Even though apologies and intercessions had been made, it didn't make the situation easy to adjust to.

Many of the humans treated him as a menace, some as a pet. Even Hiccup himself was guilty of talking down to Toothless occasionally, something easily rectified with a gentle growl, but the dragons also frequently talked down to humans, often viewing them as creatures with less intelligence. But turn and turnabout was not fair play and the whole situation grated on Toothless. He didn't feel at one with the village yet in the same way he'd felt one with the old nest. _ Of course, that queen was psychotic and abusive, so thank the lightning for Hiccup. _ He'd integrated himself into the Haddock house, but that house was broken, and Toothless lacked the tools to fix it. Too many old wounds were strewn around like claw traps while the two humans tiptoed around and tried not to trigger them.

Back in the cove, the boy and dragon stood as equals. They bonded over more than flying, needed each other in a spiritual level, but now flying was all they had together. Once they touched back to earth, Hiccup was swallowed up in this Viking world that had grabbed his boy and dragged him away from their happiness, and Toothless felt subjugated by it. Even if he could suppress those feelings, or even find a way to change the situation, he didn't think it would be enough to re-establish what they once had.

Flying was the only thing between Hiccup and Toothless that wasn't difficult. The rest of the world couldn't touch it, it was pure and glorious. But they needed to connect on the ground, too. Hiccup became a part of Toothless' tail, now Toothless needed to become part of Hiccup's leg.

_But it's not like the Book of Dragons has instructions for that. _

Aided by the herb drink his father gave him, Hiccup slept most of the day, though a bit restlessly. He moaned and twisted from time to time, and Toothless imagined the leg was the culprit. His own missing appendage was causing mayhem, he couldn't help but flick it in frustration, even as he grit his teeth and tried to ignore it. There were no regrets, Toothless could stand this and so much more to live in this uncomfortable Viking world with Hiccup, but that didn't change reality, and reality hurt.

As promised, Stoick came back later that day, and he bore a smile as he gently ruffled Hiccup's hair. _Why are you so willing to touch him when he's asleep? _ Toothless asked silently, remembering how the man had no hesitation in cradling his son like an infant in the days following the nest battle, how he stayed by Hiccup's bedside with songs, sweet words and an endless stream of caresses. _But you won't get within three feet of him when he's awake? _ As if on cue, Hiccup blinked his sleepy eyes open and Stoick withdrew his hand.

"Mmmgh... hey, Dad..." Hiccup rubbed at his eyes and sat up properly, while Stoick shuffled around the room.

"How are you feeling, son? The whole village was asking after you, told me to send along their well-wishes!"

The grogginess was fading from Hiccup's tone, but he still sounded confused. "Why?"

"They're concerned for you, of course!" Stoick called happily from the other side of the room, where he procured a block of wood and a knife. Toothless wriggled a little; all winter, Stoick had whittled a fleet of wooden ducks and the process fascinated him. Hiccup, unfortunately, cut his fingers too many times and refused to indulge Toothless' curiosity.

"Dad, I get sick every winter, no one's ever been concerned before." Toothless made a face at the memory of Hiccup and the disgusting liquids that cascaded from every orifice, and Hiccup shoved him.

"Ah, you're exaggerating."

"Every single winter." Stoick went into the next room at that moment, so whether he heard or had any response to Hiccup's statement was unknown. Hiccup huffed and pushed himself to his knees. "Am I supposed to just forget?" Toothless caught the boy's gaze as he stood, and managed to hold it for some time.

_Forget what? _ he tried to ask with his eyes. _What happened, why is this all so painful?_ But Hiccup just looked away.

"It's nothing, bud. I'm just being stupid." Except it was everything, and Hiccup was wilting like a plant without water, leaving Toothless with nothing to shade himself against the scorching sun of Viking-dom. Also, Hiccup's supposed stupidity was almost always something else and Toothless didn't like to let it go unchecked.

Hiccup's good leg was too tired to stand, probably from being inactive for most of the day, and the balancing act was starting to suffer, so Toothless scurried over to the corner and grabbed the neglected crutch. He held it out to Hiccup, who brushed it away when Stoick re-entered the room, though he nearly fell over doing so. Toothless shoved it right back. _So help me, you will use this thing before you fall flat on your face._

Eventually Hiccup gave in, while Stoick claimed his large chair and began his carving with the same good humor he'd left the room with. "You'll be happy to know we finished the last of the perches and building supports today. All wood this time."

"That's great!" Some of the light came back into Hiccup's voice now that the subject was on dragons. _That human body's just a trick. You're actually one of us, aren't you?_ "My new designs were strong enough?"

"You haven't heard any buildings crashing down, have you? And Thor's quiet as a lamb. Even Mildew can't find anything to object to." The older man's expression darkened. "Don't think I haven't noticed you kids moved that statue directly in front of his house, by the way. The man's been dodging lightning bolts all month."

"Oh, that..." Hiccup shot a frantic look at Toothless. "Well, uh, who are we to question the mighty Thor?" Stock shot a look, and both Hiccup and Toothless withered. "It was Snotlout's idea..."

"Not saying he didn't deserve it," the chief grunted, "Just that I noticed."

After a tense second, Hiccup spoke up, "You know Mildew has it out for the dragons. He's been causing trouble since they got here, he's framed them for more things than I can count and I'm sure he's behind the-"

"I'm not doubting your word, Hiccup," Stoick said with an air of long-suffering that just seemed to rile his son more.

"Then why can't we do something besides wait around for someone to get hurt again?" _Yes, I didn't particularly enjoy watching Hiccup get struck by lightning just to prove a point._ Fingers danced over Toothless' scales, easing a tension the dragon didn't realize had crept up. That old man with his staff and goat obsession made him uncomfortable.

"You can't punish someone for treason without solid proof."

"Why not? You didn't have a problem last time!" Toothless felt the air change to something dangerous.

Stoick's eyes were unreadable. "The dragons are part of Berk, and I won't let anything happen to them. But this is a difficult situation, and a chief has to consider all members of the village before making these decisions."

"_All_ of them?" Hiccup said darkly, and Toothless was suddenly very afraid. _What were you people _doing_ before I got here?_

"You're tired. You need your rest," Stoick said gruffly, and before Hiccup could retort, the man left through the front door. "I've got business to take care of. I'll be back in a bit." Toothless was still anxious, but Hiccup watched the door shut with disbelief, before hurling his crutch at said door with a scream.

"Gods! Why won't you _say something?_" The stick of wood clattered to the ground while Hiccup pressed his forehead into clenched knuckles and seethed. "Fine! Don't talk about it, I don't care! It's not like fighting the Red Death was _hard_ or anything!" Not understanding the source of Hiccup's rage, Toothless circled his friend and called out in a worried voice until Hiccup finally gave up, a defeated look in his eyes. "Sorry, bud. I'm okay, we just..." he trailed off and shook his head a bit. "It doesn't matter now. Sorry to drag you into it."

_No, drag me into it! _Toothless all but screamed. _Tell me why everything feels sharp and dangerous when this is supposed to be your family! _But the problem wasn't just in the house. It was also in the forge, in the Academy, in the whole village. Toothless and Hiccup were cogs that didn't quite fit into the machine, gears that kept grinding against their surroundings until the mechanism broke down.

They needed to get out of here. They needed to get back to the cove.

Without warning, Toothless grabbed a chunk of Hiccup's vest and yanked the boy off balance, ignoring the yelps and protests as he maneuvered Hiccup onto his back. As soon as he was sure his rider wouldn't fall off, Toothless forced his way out the door and sprinted to the cove, their haven. "What? Toothless! No, don't-" Toothless leapt from the embankment and glided into the cove, while Hiccup moaned above him. "And now that happened, thank you for nothing..."

As soon as Toothless touched the ground, Hiccup began throwing a small tantrum. "Are you insane? You do know we're stuck here, right? You can't fly, and I am_ useless_ without my leg, _useless_-" Toothless gave a great shrug of his shoulders and forced Hiccup off, and the boy's words were a jumbled mess until he settled into a crouch on the ground. "Don't think for one second that I'm going to hop all the way back there and get it," he hissed, to which Toothless just rolled his eyes. Someone would find them eventually, if it came to that. The cove was the first place a search party would look.

But for now, it didn't matter if they never left, so long as he got through to Hiccup. _Remember this place? _He thought as he bounded around Hiccup. _You were happy here. You were safe here. The world outside couldn't touch us, don't' you want that back? _

_Let's start over. _As Hiccup was still stewing, Toothless crept up and plopped his tail into Hiccup's lap, and pawed at the leather straps until Hiccup got the message.

"You want that off? Sure. Not like it's any good to us now..." Hiccup crawled around and freed the dragon from his saddle and tail, and then the two just sat and looked at each other. Just a boy and a dragon, free from all encumberments.

"So..." Hiccup said at length, but he didn't go anywhere with his comment, and Toothless wasn't able to use human words. _When did we get as broken as everything else? _They needed another way to communicate.

Toothless cast his eyes over the water. When he'd first lost his fin, he was nearly helpless, unable to catch fish for himself. But he was stronger now, more used to the injury, and catching a fish was less of an impossibility. Still difficult, but he managed to swallow one and regurgitated half of it into Hiccup's lap.

He almost laughed at the revulsion on the human's face. "Ugh, why would you do that...?" But almost mid-whine, Hiccup looked up and his green eyes widened, recognizing the familiarity of it all. Slowly, clearly disgusted, Hiccup brought the fish to his mouth and forced himself to swallow a bite.

When he finally stopped gagging, there was an awkward smile on Hiccup's face that was welcome and familiar. "Hi," the boy whispered and Toothless growled happily back. He pressed his nose into the offered hand and breathed deeply. _I missed this. I missed you. _

"Why is this all so hard?" Hiccup murmured, and Toothless didn't have an answer. But he looked at Hiccup imploringly, until the boy sighed and confessed, "It's not just you, bud. The home I knew, it's completely changed. And that's good!" he insisted, but still looked despondent. "I just don't know where I fit now." Toothless lay his head on his paws and gazed up at Hiccup. _Tell me everything. Let me walk through this with you._

"I'm not..." Hiccup gulped a little, suddenly afraid. "Um, normal, around here... Everyone's all impressed with me now, but that's not who I am, or who I was." He made an apologetic face. "I didn't want to tell you. Your rider's the worst Viking in Berk."

_I don't want the best Viking in Berk. I want you._

"All my life, I've been useless. That's what they called me. Yeah, I caused a lot of trouble, but..." Hiccup's voice wavered and his eyes took on a desperate sheen. "I can teach them about dragons, so I'm useful now. But if we didn't get rid of the Red Death like we did, they wouldn't be so nice to me now. So, if I couldn't prove myself... does that mean I would have deserved it? All the-" Hiccup broke off suddenly and leaned his head back to the sky so the tears wouldn't fall. "What happens when I finally screw up again? Back then, no one wanted me but you."

_You were just as alone as I was. How long were you going to carry that before telling me?_

It was probably a good thing that they were stranded in the cove. If Toothless could fly, he'd have murdered the whole village. But right now, Hiccup was his priority. Toothless stood up and dragged Hiccup to his feet, then nudged the boy closer to the water. "Huh? Toothless! What are you doing?"

_No idea. But this is how you fixed me, and it's all I've got._ Hiccup teetered and waved his arms to regain balance, while Toothless skipped through the water. _Come on, play with me! Just like before. You don't need your leg and I don't need my tail. It's just you and me, and we are _enough.

"Don't even think about it," Hiccup warned when he saw Toothless scooping up water with his wing, but Toothless just snickered and sent a small tidal wave Hiccup's way. The drenched boy coughed and spluttered for a few seconds before his startled face took on an evil grin. "You little snake!" He jumped after Toothless until he was close enough to tackle him. "You're going down, Dragon!"

They wrestled and tried to drown each other with abandon, and Toothless cheered to see the joy and innocence returning to Hiccup. _ See, who cares what they do or don't think of you? This is all you ever had to be. And if this is where you feel wanted, don't let go of it._

Toothless never needed a tail to be of value to Hiccup, the only being on earth who didn't see shame in a flightless dragon. Not even disappointment, that boy came at him with nothing but magical wonder in his eyes, requiring nothing but friendship. And Hiccup didn't need his leg to be loved. He didn't need his skill with a forge or problem-solving brain, and he certainly didn't need approval from his village for Toothless to accept his olive branch. Hiccup was worthy of love exactly as he'd arrived that first day, lonely, brave, broken and earnest, and he was no less worthy of it now.

After getting Hiccup thoroughly soaked, Toothless built a fire and charred the ground for sleeping. When the embers lost their fire, he pulled Hiccup to him, who had taken off his fur vest and boot to dry. "Crazy dragon," he affectionately said while wringing out his tunic, a task he eventually abandoned in order to let it dry with his other clothes. He settled back against the dragon, looking all the smaller with bared shoulders.

Both were contented as the watched the fire crackle and spark, but slowly, Toothless felt a tension grow within Hiccup. When it felt too pressing to bear, Toothless growled a question, and Hiccup spoke. "I'm never going to get it back, am I?" Toothless gently brushed his tail against Hiccup's leg, and the boy shook his head. "Not that. I don't know, I guess a part of me always thought if I was good enough... if I finally made him proud of me, I'd get back everything that was missing. But it can't ever come back." Hiccup drew his knee up to his chest, somewhat awkwardly. "All the dinners where we barely spoke to each other, all the times he looked at me like he got the wrong kid. Every night I needed him and he wasn't there, the birthdays and the Snoggletogs and stupid Thawfests, the forge, the dragon raids...!" Toothless crooned his most comforting voice while Hiccup sobbed into his knees with sobs that racked his whole body. _This is why you don't fit in any better than the dragons. This is why you look so lonely and broken in your own home. You never belonged there in the first place._

_Why didn't they take better care of you? _

"I tried so hard. Fifteen years of my life, and it's never coming back!" Anger forced it's way though Hiccup's sobs. "Do they think they can just throw a piece of metal on it and I'm going to be okay?"

_Yup, I'm going unholy offspring on that whole town._ If he didn't, it would only be for the sake of Hiccup, who would probably calm down by the time they actually got out of there. But if Hiccup couldn't forget, Toothless certainly wouldn't, and he would never be able to look at Berk the same way again.

"He told me I wasn't his son." _Sweet Thor, it just keeps getting worse. _"Because I called you a friend, I thought we shouldn't kill dragons. No one got hurt, but just for that..." _Must not kill things, must not kill things... _"If I didn't ride out on the other dragons, what would have happened, Toothless? I only have a Dad now because I proved we were right, and if I couldn't, I'd be alone and I'd deserve it-Ouch!" Toothless smacked Hiccup with his tail and pressed his nose against the boy until he looked up.

_No,_ he growled out. _Don't think like that. _ They were in the cove now. This place was safe, and Hiccup deserved all the good things it offered. Toothless' love wouldn't be withheld as a punishment for some supposed flaws, even if Stoick's could.

"My whole life, they told me dragons were soulless and heartless," Hiccup laughed bitterly. "But you befriend the guy who shot you while my dad disowns me. Ironic, huh?" Toothless didn't know how to help beyond drawing his wings around Hiccup protectively. For all the good it would do, when the enemy was within. "He said he was sorry when we were fighting the Queen, but that's just a few words, it doesn't make everything go away..." Hiccup turned and pressed his face against Toothless' scales. "And that's more than anyone else did. How did they just forget? Why can't _I_ forget?"

_I don't know._ But Toothless held his best friend while the fire died down, while the sun set over the cliffs, while Hiccup cried until he had no more strength for it. If there was a way to tell the village what he just heard, he would, and if there was a way to force humans to dole out genuine love and sorrow with a plasma blast, he would. But Toothless had nothing to offer but strong wings and a listening ear.

Still, for now, that seemed to be enough. Hiccup slept peacefully through the night and woke up looking more refreshed and lighthearted than he had in weeks. But there was a reluctance in his eyes when he talked of leaving the cove. "Vacation's over, bud. Time to get back to our lives." While Toothless wanted to contest that, he couldn't. The seasons would change without care for his desires, and even now, the spring air was causing his missing tail to ache.

But earth was all the more green and vibrant for spring's harsh rainstorms, so Toothless would find a way to weather them. "So... any suggestions at all?" Hiccup looked dubiously at the rocky path out of the cove. "'Cause I am absolutely not crawling back to the house."

Toothless barked a laugh, confident rescue would come one way or another. _I'd be a little more worried about what happens once we get back to that home full of people I now want to kill._ Staying in the cove wasn't a permanent solution to the broken feelings on Berk.

The cove was easy, like the sky. He'd learned to fly in this cove. Hiccup was there as he beat his shaky leather tail and felt the air push back for the first time, and now Hiccup was a part of that tail. Toothless helped Hiccup take his first steps, and now, Toothless needed to become part of Hiccup's leg, so walking on the ground could be as free as flying through the sky.

"Okay, maybe we can catch another dragon with bait, tame it, and then I fly out and get my leg?" Hiccup suggested as he threw his now-dry clothes on. "Fish, maybe? Or do you think we could lure a Gronkle with a pile of rocks?" For lack of a better plan, Toothless agreed.

_Here, _he growled, and nudged Hiccup to his feet. They shifted around each other so Toothless could support his rider's weight. _ Let me walk with you. _ For three hours, they collected rocks and fish in a vain attempt to catch a dragon, until Hiccup realized Toothless could fire his plasma blast into the sky like a flare. Then Astrid had them rescued in three minutes. But it was never a waste of time to be in the cove, as far as Toothless was concerned, and he vowed to return there more often, if for no reason but to play.

The cove was a magical place, where a human taught a dragon how to soar. And now, Toothless intended to teach Hiccup to walk with his head held high.


	4. Role Reversal

Snotlout thought he knew Hiccup pretty well. He knew what made Hiccup blush and cringe, what got him riled up, and what could break him down so far that the boy would cry in public. He wasn't into beating on the helpless kid for no reason- Snotlout had limits, whatever anyone else thought- but he knew the most efficient ways to get Hiccup out of his sight and the best ways to send a message that would never be forgotten.

The things that made Hiccup happy weren't a mystery to Snotlout, either, though whether or not anyone knew about Hiccup's interests in learning, drawing or tinkering was unnecessary. What was anyone going to do with that information? It wasn't like people had time to indulge Hiccup, and none of the kids their age had any desire to play with him, even as the continuous dragon raids whittled their generation down to a mere six teenagers. No one wanted to know about Hiccup, so no one tried.

But for some reason, Snotlout knew a lot more about Hiccup than he really cared to. He recognized Hiccup's shifty eyes when the boy was hiding something, and knew that if he kept pressing, they'd find something worth punishing Hiccup over. He was intimately familiar with the stoney glare Hiccup gave when the pipsqueak was furious and absolutely unable to affect the situation in the slightest. And he also saw the proverbial line in the sand, where you could push Hiccup too far and his cousin would just shut down, almost as if disengaging from reality.

That last one bothered Snotlout a bit, because he wasn't sure the chief and the rest of the adults saw it. The rest of the Fire Brigade always had, and why continue to browbeat Hiccup when things got to that point, when their only real goal was to make Hiccup leave them alone? But grownups always needed to have their say, always needed to finish their lectures and drive their point in long after the heart had been pierced, and Hiccup was on the receiving end of more raging tirades than anyone else.

Snotlout thought he knew Hiccup pretty well, but he saw new sides emerge once they put him in charge of the Dragon Academy. Now Hiccup was smart, and he wanted everyone to know it. He shuffled through the village like a rat, but he walked around the Academy like a king demanding respect from his subjects. Snotlout knew Hiccup had attitude after witnessing a hundred arguments between the chief and his son, but he never thought anyone would give Hiccup a reason to feel justified about it.

He hated this side of Hiccup, all holier-than-thou and rubbing his supposedly superior intelligence in Snotlout's face. In the old days, Snotlout would have just punched the mouthy kid in the nose, but now Hiccup was the "Pride of Berk", and untouchable. For months, all he could do against Hiccup was complain, and even that got Snotlout a bunch of dirty looks from the people who used to admire _him._

He couldn't understand it. Before the battle with the Red Death, no one would have minded if Snotlout gave Hiccup a good whack now and then. Most would have encouraged him, since the whole village agreed that Hiccup was too arrogant for his own good. A little discipline would keep him in line, remind him of his place and that he wasn't wasn't the dragon-slaying, weapon-crafting, genius warrior he seemed to think he was. Of course, these conversations always dropped off to hushed tones about Hiccup's deceased mother and how Stoick had no time to be both chief and parent of a small hellion, and wasn't it expected that some burdens were neglected for more important things? The adults always seemed to act like these words went over Snotlout's head, as if he and every other child in the village hadn't heard and listened. They all knew what their role models thought of Hiccup.

Which made the current situation so frustrating. No one thought Hiccup was special before he showed them how to fly dragons. And Hiccup hadn't changed, so why was every other person in the village showering the tiny brat in praise? He tamed and flew Toothless before the final exam, and then Stoick locked up that dragon and dragged his son out of the arena in disgrace. Nothing was officially decided in their haste to find the dragons' nest, but Snotlout heard rumors on the docks that Hiccup was a traitor and would be punished like one.

Hiccup was still every lousy thing he was and all the things he wasn't, he hadn't changed a bit. But the village changed, and Snotlout hated it. Especially for what it did to Astrid.

Gods, how he spent most of his life trying to get that girl's attention! He'd gone through the futile phase of insulting her to make her take notice, a tactic that usually ended in bruises, and he'd also progressed enough to realize the importance of paying compliments. Neither worked, and he so vividly remembered the day he'd walked up to Astrid as she was sharpening her then-tiny axe, acting unruffled by a passing reference to Hoffersons and Flightmares, though her eyes were flashing. In his sweetest voice, Snotlout told her, "I don't think you're scared of anything."

All Astrid said was, "Good."

Astrid never looked at Hiccup, not even to criticize him. Until Dragon Training started, Snotlout wasn't positive she knew the chief had a son, and those moments in the arena were hardly favorable. Astrid hated Hiccup in those days, yelling at him for being underfoot and unfocused, kicking him out of her way and throwing tantrums when he succeeded where she could not.

So when Astrid suddenly kissed Hiccup full on the mouth in front of the whole village, Snotlout wasn't sure what he had missed. And everything after that just made the feeling worse. He was living in an alternate dimension, one where Hiccup was the town hero and Snotlout was so stupid and useless that their roles might as well be reversed.

"It's not fair!" he tried complaining to Astrid while they were cleaning up the Academy. "No one treats me with any respect anymore!"

"Respect has to be earned, Snotlout," Astrid said cheerily, and her tone was all the more grating because Astrid never used to be cheery. She never laughed, never smiled, never gave thought to anything outside of her goals and Snotlout thought her all the more endearing for it, even if he hoped to someday get that driven, focused girl to relax and smile for him.

But now Astrid beamed on a daily basis and it had nothing to do with Snotlout. "The whole town's gone bonkers! Ever since the dragons moved in! And it's all because of-" Snotlout paused to look up, where Hiccup, Fishlegs and the twins were using their dragons to ferry baskets of fish from the docks. "-him!"

"What are you talking about?" Astrid blew her bangs out of her eyes and looked up as well, giving a tiny wave as a Night Fury flew overhead.

"This! You! Everything!" Snotlout whined. "Everyone's all "Hiccup's so smart, Hiccup's so brave, Hiccup's so good with dragons!" No one thought he was great before we fought the Red Death!"

"Snotlout, that was a long time ago. We're trying to put it behind us."

"Why?" the boy challenged. "When we thought he could kill dragons, we practically worshiped him! Then he didn't and we all but kicked him out of the tribe! Now he's done something good again, but he's still a stupid Hiccup, so why are we treating him like a prince?" Something about his words struck Astrid, and her voice became hard.

"Maybe we were wrong, ever think of that?"

"Oh, yeah, we were wrong," Snotlout scoffed. "If you're useless and a screw-up, we can treat you like crap and no one minds, but as long as your useful, then we have to be nice to you." His words were sarcastic, but Astrid's face continued to take on a strange, unhappy expression. "You're the worst one of all. I barely recognize you anymore."

"What do you mean?"

Snotlout gestured to the girl, not sure how this wasn't obvious. "Look at you! You act all goofy, you only train about half as much as you used to, and sometimes you put these pretty braids in your hair! It's weird!"

Astrid's hand went unconsciously to her hair, smoothing it out. She never used to do that before, not before Hiccup. "What, I can't look nice?"

"You never used to care! You used to be hard and fierce, sexy-" Astrid glared and Snotlout backtracked, "You lived to fight! Remember what you said? "It's only fun if you get a scar out of it"?" Astrid gave a wry smile.

"I guess battle scars just aren't that appealing these days." Stupid Hiccup and his stupid metal leg!

"Being the best was the only thing that mattered to you. And you _were_ the best! No one could touch you! Now you're slacking, you waste time with dumb stuff, you're jealous and whiny, afraid-"

"I'm not afraid!"

"You are!" Snoutlout taunted, glad to see a rise in her. "You're a little scaredy-cat! Scaredy-pants Hofferson!" It felt good to tease and get a response from Astrid like when they were kids. If she wouldn't give him favorable attention, this was the next best thing.

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Please, we already proved that the Flightmare-"

"This isn't about some stupid Flightmare, it's about Hiccup!" Snotlout insisted. "He's changing who you _are_, Astrid!" This gave Astrid pause, enough for Snotlout to continue. "Watching you get jealous over Heather? It made me sick! The old Astrid would never act like that! She'd never blush or get nervous, she wouldn't go crazy over some dumb kid just because he's the town hero, she wouldn't cut down on training time just to go pick dandelions with Hiccup or whatever girly things he's making you do!" Astrid was about to snap something back but Snotlout snuck in one last accusation. "He's making you look weak!"

The air around them was frosty, but Snotlout thought he was getting through. Astrid pursed her lips. "Weak?" The way she said it made it sound like Snotlout was about to lose some limbs.

But he continued, an almost suicidal grin on his face. "You haven't heard? Everyone's laughing at you, Astrid! One of the most fierce Vikings in the village, and you let a little hiccup tell you what to do. They say you're a Typhomarang being ordered around by a puppy." He could see the disgust in Astrid's eyes, even if she didn't comment. "It's embarrassing to watch! You don't even get to touch him now unless he lets you! Everyone's betting how long it'll take for you to crack."

Astrid went beet red and started sputtering. "What? You-How-That's..."

"Please, it's so obvious that Hiccup's not enough to satisfy _you._" He flexed his muscles suggestively. "The Astrid I know takes what she wants, she doesn't let anyone tell her what she can't do-!" Snotlout wasn't sure what he was trying to accomplish, caught up in the moment. It was possible he thought that he could convince Astrid to dump Hiccup, but now that his head was caught very firmly between the ground and the heel of Astrid's boot, he realized that this was a poor choice of tactics.

"You're right, Snotlout," Astrid said in an icy voice. "The old me would have swung you around by your toes and broken every bone in your body. Guess I _have_ gone soft." And the new Astrid gave him a mild kick before stomping out of the Academy.

Snotlout rubbed his aching bruises and sat up. "Yeah, Hiccups's all popular now," he called after her, "But sooner or later, he'll screw up again and this whole stupid town will hate his guts! Are you just gonna keep flip-flopping with them? Because I thought you were better than that!" Astrid paused for just a fraction of a second, before continuing on and out of sight, leaving Snotlout alone.

The boy sighed as he finally stood up. This wasn't exactly the way he planned the conversation to go, but he didn't think he regretted anything. The village was stupid, and Astrid was stupid to like Hiccup just because everyone else did, and Hiccup was some hero on a pedestal made of clay, bound to fall. It frustrated him that he was the only one who thought the whole thing was weird.

Snotlout stalked back to the village, still stewing over Hiccup's theft of Astrid and the role reversal that had taken place. It used to be Snotlout and Astrid who were revered. They were the strongest and most capable, no one talked about accomplishments on Berk without their names coming up. Either Astrid was the the relentless leader of the Fire Brigade, strong and fearless (Hofferson stigma notwithstanding), or Snotlout was the eternally reigning Thawfest champion who was sure to do his family proud. They stood together, fought together, were praised together, while Hiccup went unnoticed until he caused some disaster.

And now Hiccup was the darling dragon rider, while Snotlout was a fool to be ridiculed. It wasn't fair.

The sounds of laughter and Hiccup's annoying shouts broke into Snotlout's thoughts, and he deviated from the road to see what the commotion was. He found the twins wrestling with a flailing Hiccup, his metal leg lying abandoned in the grass.

"Uh, guys?" Ruffnut and Tuffnut turned in perfect sync, and jumped to their feet to present Hiccup as if he were a prized yak. Hiccup looked slightly dazed, and now sported a large mass of wood and canvas where his false leg should have been.

"Tada! We built him a tail fin!" the twins sang. "He's all fixed!" Snotlout could only stare, while Hiccup muttered something about dragging Ruff and Tuff to the forge and welding their heads together.

"Hiccup," Snotlout finally said, unable to hold back the laughter, "You look like a mermaid!" The tailfin, if you could call it that, spread out awkwardly and did give the impression of a beached fish, and Snotlout's laughter only grew when Hiccup tried to stand, a gust of air catching in the canvas and knocking him back on his behind.

It was too windy to stand, so Hiccup could only stew while the twins obliviously skipped off to their next bout of mischief and Snotlout continued to howl. "Knock it off and toss me my leg, will you?" Snotlout started to obey, but once he had the leg in his hand, he remembered his previous anger and was seized with a devious idea.

"Why don't you come and get it?"

Hiccup's eyes narrowed, and he stood up with determination that disappeared the second the breeze pushed against his new appendage. He fell back to the dirt with a yelp and finally began untying the ropes to free himself. But then, suddenly, with a furtive glance at Snotlout, Hiccup's hands stilled, and fell to his sides. He sat there on the ground with that stoney glare Snotlout knew so well, full of silent fury and helplessness.

Hiccup wasn't going to remove his "prosthetic" in front of Snotlout, and he couldn't walk with that monstrosity on his leg. Finally, Snotlout had his power restored, he could make his smart-mouthed cousin beg. He could make Hiccup _crawl._

But after a few seconds, Snotlout sighed and lobbed the metal leg gently over to Hiccup and respectfully turned around. Yes, he hated Hiccup, but he had_ limits,_ for Thor's sake.

Perhaps there was a level so low that Snotlout couldn't stoop to, but that didn't mean he could just forget all his anger. "You're not so great," he grumbled while Hiccup untangled himself from the twins' contraption. "Everyone acts like you're so cool, but you're not."

"Give it a rest, Snotlout," Hiccup sighed, and once Snotlout heard the creak of the metal spring, he whirled around to face Hiccup.

"No, you give it a rest! Now that you're some kind of hero,_ I'm_ the new Hiccup! No one takes me seriously, and even my dad's asking why I can't be more like you! All the Dragon Riders act like I'm useless! They were_ my_ friends first, Hiccup! Not yours!"

"I'm sorry..." To Hiccup's credit, he did sound a bit sincere, but mostly confused.

"Well, maybe the rest of the village forgot, but I never will!" Snotlout hissed. "You feed a dragon some grass and we're supposed to pretend we didn't spend all those years wishing you'd disappear? Don't make me laugh!" The look on Hiccup's face surprised him. He expected pain and hurt, maybe anger.

Not relief. "It is weird, isn't it?" Hiccup looked almost elated. "I thought I was the only one who noticed! You guys used to hate having me around!"

"Yeah, and now you're the village pet? It makes no sense!"

"I know!" Now that both boys agreed, Snotlout wasn't sure how to continue.

"They were calling you a traitor. We probably would have kicked you off the island. But a couple hours later, you're a hero." Hiccup's face went white, but Snotlout felt slightly less satisfied than he thought he'd be. "And now you're stealing Astrid away from me."

"I didn't steal Astrid away from anybody," Hiccup challenged. "She likes who she likes, and no one tells her what to do."

"Yeah, but she wouldn't even look at you if it wasn't for the dragons," Snotlout bit back, and again, Hiccup fell into a painful silence. "You're gonna screw up sooner or later, and then she'll go back to liking me. I'll be top dog in the village again, and you'll probably be kicked out of town."

Hiccup squirmed, but his eyes were hard. "Maybe you're right, but if Astrid didn't like you before this happened, then she's not going to like you just because I disappear." He waved his arms while he talked, a habit that always annoyed Snotlout. It made him look weak and like he lacked resolve, though Hiccup's tone suggested the opposite. "It's not like Astrid _has_ to be dating someone at any given time. Maybe she just doesn't want you!"

Snotlout wanted to punch Hiccup in the face. He wanted to drag him to the nearest cliff and throw him off, but a part of him recognized that the idiot was probably right. Snotlout spent the better part of his life chasing after Astrid, and never once had she chased after him. And Hiccup had nothing to do with that.

Still, he scowled at Hiccup's triumphant face. "Don't look so smug. She didn't like you until you started flying dragons. Once you mess up and go back to being useless, you'll lose her. Just like everybody else in the village." Hiccup crossed his arms and looked away, clearly uncomfortable.

"Well," he said after a pause, "I guess we'll see." Suddenly, Snotlout wished he hadn't said anything, but it was too late to take it back.

"It_ is_ really weird that no one talks about it," he offered uncomfortably, wanting to go back to where he and Hiccup agreed. The topic felt jagged and painful, but the fact that Hiccup realized the hypocrisy of it felt reassuring somehow.

Hiccup tossed his head, but still looked at the ground, crossed arms tense. "What are they saying, if you can't do anything useful, it's okay for people to treat you like garbage?"

"It's what they've always said," Snotlout found himself saying. "It's like my dad's always telling me,"Results are the only thing that matter"." Rest was for the weak. Second chances were for amateurs. Until the Red Death's defeat, he'd never once heard anyone praise Hiccup, and that praise also heralded the first time anyone acted like Hiccup was wanted.

They had a lifetime of evidence to draw from. No one wanted to help Stoick look after Hiccup, they'd volunteer on dangerous missions to find the dragons' nest before watching that boy for one afternoon. Parents told their children to be more like Snotlout, less like Hiccup, Snotlout and Astrid were model Vikings, Hiccup was an embarrassment to his family name. He'd overheard adults talking about Hiccup his whole life, and even Stoick spoke more of duties and burdens than affection.

The lesson was clear. If you could prove yourself, you were accepted. If not, then you deserved whatever happened to you.

"I didn't mean to make things hard for you," Hiccup said at length, and Snotlout found he didn't want to think about this topic anymore.

"Oh please, a little runt like you couldn't hold me down if you tried." A small smile crept into Hiccup's eyes, and Snotlout grinned to himself. "Hookfang and I are working on a secret technique, and once we've got it down, they'll be singing our legends. Probably even put us in the Book of Dragons!" There was no secret technique, and Hiccup probably knew that, but it felt nice to say so.

"Hiccup!" Both boys turned to see Astrid running up, and Snotlout felt his stomach clench. It was always going to be Hiccup she called for, until the day she maybe didn't, but even then, Astrid wouldn't be calling for him. He was going to have to accept that. "You better get up to the Great Hall, your dad looks pretty irritated."

"Oh, he's looked like that since the day I was born," Hiccup said with a wave of his hand. He turned to Snotlout and gave a wry grin. "But I'm sure there's no connection." Another day, Snotlout might have laughed, but it felt wrong after the conversation they just had. Meanwhile, Hiccup reached out for Astrid's hand, only to have her flinch and pull away.

While Hiccup watched her with questioning eyes, Snotlout felt his chest tighten. He did this, he broke something that didn't need to be broken, just because he was angry. He used to laugh at Hiccup all the time, maybe even push the boy around if he got in his way, but he'd never hurt Hiccup or broke his things just because he was mad.

Maybe the village wasn't the only thing that changed, and Snotlout didn't like it. He didn't want to be the kind of person who hurt his friends and turned them against each other.

"Uh, hey, Hiccup," he forced himself to say as the three of them walked on to the Great Hall. "If they ever, you know, tried to kick you off the island, we wouldn't let them." Astrid gave him a weird look, but Snotlout pushed forward. He'd said a bunch of things today, some he meant and some he didn't, but this was the thing that needed to be said the most. "Because your ours now, and I don't like people taking away my stuff."

Hiccup raised an eyebrow, apparently not touched by the sentiments that made such sense in Snotlout's head. "I'm whose?"

"Ours, like, at the Academy. You're our friend." Didn't Hiccup get how embarrassing this was to say? "So we wouldn't let them kick you out, no matter how bad you screwed up." Hiccup was stunned, but slowly, his face melted into a real smile, one full of happiness and contentment.

That quickly turned into sly amusement because Hiccup was a little smart-alec. "Aw, you like me!"

"Do not!"

"Yes, you do! You used the word 'friend'!" he teased while Astrid looked confused.

"Wait, who's trying to kick you off the island?"

"Nobody's trying to kick me off the island."

"Well, I've got stuff to do, see ya," Snotlout mumbled and took off at a run, putting as much distance between himself and that whole uncomfortable situation as he could. Hiccup always made everything complicated, he saw hammers and bolas and made manglers, he took simple fights and turned them into painful discoveries. Hiccup turned the world on it's head and wouldn't be satisfied until every up was turned back down.

Snotlout thought he knew Hiccup pretty well, but he'd just found a side of the boy he'd never seen before. A side that was just like him, one that was having just as much trouble living in the world that surrounded them.

Hiccup changed the world once, and maybe he could change it again. But if not, the world would revert back to it's old format where Snotlout was king and Hiccup was exactly what his name said he was.

Whether Hiccup or Snotlout was the pride of the town, the village would continue on as if they'd forgotten everything that came before. And Snotlout was tired of being the only one who knew who Hiccup really was.


	5. Fathers and Sons

Stoick loved his son. He always had, and every decision he made was all for his young child's safety and well-being. He couldn't claim he always made the right decisions, especially_ lately,_ but he did the best he could with what he had, which was nothing. His wife had been carried off when Hiccup was an infant, and grown warrior men talking about their parenting experiences wasn't a comfortable thing. Even Gobber, the only friend close enough to witness Stoick's tears and discuss tenderness, had neither children nor experience to offer, and in fact, found most beings under twenty to be completely expendable.

So while Stoick lacked some of the insight and training needed to be the perfect father, he'd crack open the skulls of anyone who dared to say he didn't love Hiccup. For, despite his gruff demeanor, he did love his son with all his heart.

But he didn't particularly _like_ his son.

He wanted to, he truly did, but the inability to connect or even enjoy Hiccup's company made him feel like he'd failed fatherhood on a fundamental level. Stoick had dreams of long discussions and training with his boy in the same way he'd bonded with his father, he hoped to watch Hiccup become a man so the two of them could knock back mead and talk about their lives, but instead, he lived with a prickly plant with scathing wit who dished out so much sass that Stoick wanted to string the boy up by his ears.

Contrary to popular belief, Stoick hadn't named Hiccup as some commentary on his size or capabilities. Rather, he was proud, insanely proud, that his son could come into the world well before the appointed time and still draw breath, that it was _his_ boy who looked Death straight in the eye and found the strength to live anyway, and Stoick cherished that his son had risen above life itself with naught but his will. He wouldn't be the first to bear the name Hiccup in their family line, but he would be the first to make that name strike terror into more than gnomes and trolls.

By taking that name, no one would ever forget that this was a boy who came into the world with nothing, and became stronger than all other Vikings with health and muscle on their side. His little Hiccup would be the strongest of them all, and he wanted the world to recognize it.

But to Stoick's eternal confusion, Hiccup never became strong. Oh, he _grew, _marginally, but he talked later, crawled later, began walking long past the point the women told Stoick he should have been. His limbs never carried a shred of definition, and he never weighed more than a fat infant. Stoick couldn't understand what he'd done wrong.

And he _tried_ to make Hiccup strong and healthy, he realy did, but nothing made any difference. His boy was still weak and diminutive, hurt every time he stepped out the door and falling ill every single winter. This was the boy who'd clawed for his life as a baby, but now his name was a doomsday prophecy slowly fulfilling itself.

That in itself caused Stoick grief, but then Hiccup began developing a personality. As a child, he'd never been as enthralled in Stoick's tales of battle and glory as other children were, and some of them outright terrified the boy. He lived in fear of a stuffed Nadder doll his mother had made, and Hiccup's play was so domestic, almost girlish. Stoick cringed every time his boy begged his father to play with him, and Hiccup made faces every time his father tried to follow the examples_ he'd_ grown up with. Stoick prayed for the day when he and Hiccup would finally have something to talk about.

Hiccup didn't play with the other children, running and bashing with their toy bludgeons. Instead, he made imaginary friends to spend time with, though Stoick drew the line when it appeared Hiccup was inventing imaginary friends that were _too busy to play with him_. "Son," he'd said with all the strength he could muster, "You can't be living in a world of your head. You need to get out there and _do_ something." And he'd shoved Hiccup out the door and prayed the boy would flourish out with the sun, air and real adventures.

And Hiccup came back back with sunburns and broken bones, cuts, scrapes and concussions. Outside Stoick's door were oceans, cliffs, boars, dragons, and enemy Viking tribes, but inside the house, Stoick had to deal with a typhoon of a child who broke things down and built them up in unnatural ways, who prattled on about things that didn't make sense, who used the wrong hand to do everything and nearly killed himself trying to do the household chores. More and more, Stoick kept Hiccup sequestered inside, and more and more, the proximity to his son grated on him.

Looking after Hiccup was a chore, plain and simple, but he dreaded to let that boy out of his care for fear he'd come back and find a mangled corpse. He wanted to bang his head against a wall the day Hiccup started working in the forge, surrounded by fire, sharp objects, saws and grindstones at every turn. Constantly handling weapons bigger than he was, and developing just enough skills to make bizarre contraptions that wreaked havoc on the village. Many a night, Stoick nursed drinks in the Great Hall and threatened to kill Gobber for ever starting a forge.

Then Hiccup became a teenager and started wielding his sarcasm like a battleaxe, and that was the last straw. That frail, clumsy form ran around the village thinking it was an invincible God and flashed it's acidic tongue whenever challenged, and Stoick wanted to shake him and scream "This is not what you_ are!_" He loved Hiccup, Gods help him, but he didn't like him. He was told that very few parents liked their children in their teenage years, but he looked over at Spitlout with such envy sometimes.

That man got along with his son, and why wouldn't he? Snotlout was everything a Viking hoped to be. He was strong, fast and eager for battle, he chased after challenges, won every single Thawfest competition and most of all, didn't need constant protection. Spitelout cheered with his son, trained with his son, the two smiled and laughed and were every bit the father-son portrait Stoick wanted hanging in the Great Hall.

Stoick wasn't sure when he'd started seeing frustration instead of a son. But when it cleared in the form of teenagers flying dragons, he found himself with a boy he'd spent a lifetime with that he didn't truly know.

Months had passed, the shield that bore the image of the Haddock men was a little different than Stoick expected, though far more desirable. He loved Hiccup for what he was, and not what he lacked. He saw the greatness in his son that he'd observed as an infant, realized that he'd been so afraid of all the ways he failed his son that he was blind to what Hiccup could offer. Stoick had been wrong, and now his son stood clearly before him, free from the mists of disappointment, worry and frustration that had clouded his father's perception.

Now Stoick just had to get along with the dragon.

"What's gotten into you, Toothless?" The Night Fury was practically family, but almost overnight, he went from a cheerful creature to a bristling ball of pure menace. Toothless growled at Stoick constantly, occasionally bared his teeth as if to remind everyone that he still had them, and was somehow at Hiccup's side more than usual. "Would you quit your growling? Hiccup! What's the matter with your dragon?"

"I dunno. Maybe you're eating too much eel?" Hiccup shrugged and handed over a block of ice, which Stoick gratefully pressed to his head. It had been a long day in the village, but it was good to be home.

He used to avoid home, used to tie himself up with chiefly duties from dawn until dusk the second the spring thaw hit, all to escape this house. Once Devastating Winter hit, Stoick and Hiccup were confined under one roof for days, sometimes weeks at a time, with absolutely no buffer between them. Nothing to talk about and everything to yell about and all Stoick could do was pinch the bridge of his nose to stave off migraines.

But it came with a silver lining, in that as long as Hiccup was sequestered indoors, Stoick stood a reasonably good chance of keeping him alive. The boy got sick every winter, but that was less of a threat then what Hiccup did while well, and it was just a few days ago that Stoick had walked outside to watch his tiny speck of a son performing a swan dive off the back of his Night Fury.

But this last winter had changed everything.

"Did you eat at the Great Hall, or should I make enough for both of us?" Hiccup asked while juggling pots and a basket of fish. Toothless devilishly tried to swipe some cod, which threw Hiccup more off-balance and the boy performed a bizarre dance in his efforts to keep everything from falling to the floor. "Hey, hey, hey! Greedy dragon, you had dinner already!" Toothless responded by regurgitating a small bit of fish onto Hiccup's shoe. "I am not eating that."

Stoick laughed aloud, causing his son to join, and he basked in the new atmosphere of his home. The past winter was just as awkward as all the ones before it, compounded by the addition of Toothless, but it had been good for them.

Stoick was happy that winter. For the first time since Hiccup could crawl, the man looked forward to Snoggletog, though his son was far to old to believe it was really _Odin_ filling his helmet with treats. But Stoick laughed that winter. He hugged Hiccup that winter, once to hold him through a difficult night and once just to express happiness. After a life of avoidance and stilted conversation, he now had a life with his son vividly, painfully and awkwardly present, and Stoick loved it.

And with the melting of winter ice, the domesticity remained. Dinner came with conversation, evenings were passed comfortably by the fire together, and one day Stoick crossed his threshold to realize a family lived in this house. It wasn't perfect, Hiccup still drove him up the wall with his shenanigans and there were many subjects both of them avoided, but it was better than it had been. He was getting to know his son, and found he actually liked him.

As Stoick had not yet eaten, he rose and helped Hiccup with the dinner preparations, and the two sat down to a meal full of pleasant conversation, something that wouldn't have felt possible some short months ago. "...so we fixed that, and now it works perfectly! We're definitely going to have to update that chapter of the Book of Dragons."

"Sounds more like it needs a full rewrite," Stoick observed, and Hiccup agreed.

"Well, everything we know about dragons comes from trying to kill them," he scratched Toothless' head. "If all you focus on is attacking, you miss a lot of important stuff. Every day, I find new little details that change everything I thought I knew." Hiccup grinned to himself and looked so contended, more than he'd even been before. Dragons brought that out of him, and as happy as Stoick was to see it, he was also troubled.

Who had raised Hiccup prior to the Red Death, taught him the skills he needed to walk with such powerful creatures? Stoick knew he hadn't, and he rarely was the source of such open happiness on Hiccup's face. The dragon carried Hiccup's joys and burdens, and Stoick was afraid to ask if Hiccup felt supported before Toothless arrived.

There was so much about the past that pained him, and Stoick was afraid to confront it and find just how deeply he'd failed at fatherhood.

As if tuned in to his father's somber mood, Hiccup's own lightheartedness disintegrated, and a much more serious voice replaced the joyful talk. "Dad? Uh, I need to talk to you about something..." his words trailed off into mumbles and Stoick encouraged him along.

"What's on your mind, son?"

"Well. it's kind of, I dunno... delicate, I guess..." Hiccup fumbled for words, stopping and starting several times. After a few more failed tries to communicate, Stoick sighed and interrupted.

"Is it something to do with Astrid? Haven't seen her come round lately." Hiccup's eyes snapped wide open, only to narrow just as quickly.

"Urgh, _why_ is everyone so obsessed with me and Astrid?" he moaned, practically sprawling over his end of the table with melodrama.

The sight was comical and earned a chuckle from Stoick. "It's been a while since the village had a pair of lovebirds to gossip about. It keeps us young." Hiccup gave an exasperated whine, but sat up straight again.

"Well, Astrid and I are fine, happy, and totally not gossip-worthy. I wanted to talk about Snotlout."

"Snotlout?" This caught Stoick's attention. It was an Academy problem, then, or perhaps a personal one. The gods above knew those two boys had never gotten along well, their inclinations and temperaments completely at odds with each other. "What's happened now?"

"Nothing, nothing," Hiccup was quick to reassure, waving his hands, "I guess it's not really about him, but, uh... it's more about Spitelout." Now Stoick was confused. Hiccup wrung his hands to keep them from waving around in their habitual way and his tense shoulders eventually slumped. "Dad, is everything okay there?"

"What do you mean?" Stoick's lack of understanding made Hiccup agitated again.

"Well, I kind of noticed during Thawfest, and then there was this thing with Hookfang a while back," the boy mumbled, eyes looking everywhere but at his father. "I mean, I know they get along, but something's not right!"

Stock was still no closer to understanding. "Not right, how? You have to be more specific, son." Hiccup gave a pained expression, but nodded and screwed up his courage. Beside the boy, Toothless growled something that could have been interpreted as either supportive, or threatening. Stoick hoped it wasn't the latter.

"Snotlout's scared of his dad," Hiccup declared factually. "Something's wrong." The tone Hiccup used worried Stoick, but he was still confused. Snotlout and Spitelout were all smiles when together, chanting their obnoxious cheer and sharing laughs in the Great Hall. Spitelout never wasted a chance to praise his boy up and down, and they were constantly off on training, hunting or fishing trips. In fact, the relationship between the two made Stoick jealous.

To hear Hiccup call it wrong was surreal. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, whenever Spitelout comes by the Academy, Snotlout barely touches Hookfang. He usually rubs his scales and plays with him, but if his dad wanders up, Snotlout gets all scared and cagey about it." Stoick ran his hand over his face, now seeing the real problem. "And then there's all that pressure over Thawfest..." Hiccup's words came faster and faster, and Toothless began to grow agitated as well. They would have both worked themselves into a frenzy had Stoick not cut in.

"Hiccup? Hiccup, calm down," the man calmly ordered and both son and dragon settled down a little. "Not everyone is the same kind of Viking you are. Snotlout's never been one show his softer side, and you're all at that age where you'd like us to think you're tough as nails. I think you're reading too much into this." His attempt at reassurance failed. Hiccup stood and placed his tiny hands on the table, absolutely livid.

"_Not the same kind of Viking?_" he repeated, eyes flashing with rage. Ever supportive of his rider, Toothless was also on his feet with his teeth out, and Stoick was once again reminded of that awful final exam. "What's_ that_ supposed to mean?"

"Just that, well, you've always been more open about your feelings..." _Like now_, Stoick thought. Hiccup was always a sensitive child, kindhearted and possessing a more gentle touch than his peers. As Gobber once put it, "There's the Viking way and there's Hiccups way, and Hiccup's way makes grown men uncomfortable."

Of course, now Hiccup was as hard and sharp as a broadsword, his words just as cutting. "Well,_ this_ kind of Viking saw Snotlout nearly burst into tears over the thought of losing Thawfest. He was _petrified_, Dad! His dad sees him be nice and the guy flinches! I get that Spitelout likes Snotlout, but I don't think he_ loves_ him!" As soon as the words were out, Stoick was on his feet, mostly from shock. He ignored the dragon's sudden protective stance, too focused on the moment.

"What are you saying, son?" These were heavy words he was throwing around, and the frightening part was that Hiccup, for all his reckless raging, seemed aware of that.

"What would happen if he didn't win one year, huh? That almost happened and it terrified Snotlout! His worth is based on stupid Thawfest? Something's wrong there, Dad!" Despite Toothless' snarl, Stoick took a step forward and Hiccup backed up, growing more and more frenzied. "Snotlout used to be the perfect kid, we only heard that a million times!"

"I hear you, Hiccup, I do." Gods, that dragon wasn't helping anything, and Stoick gave Toothless a shove in order to get closer to Hiccup. It did not improve Toothless' mood, or Hiccup's. "Just calm down, son."

"So why am I part of his 'This Is Why You're A Failure, Son' speech? Why is Snotlout not good enough anymore? Because someone else is better?"

"No one's calling anyone a failure- so help me, Toothless, I will rip out those teeth- Just listen, Hiccup-"

"No, _you_ listen! For once in your life, would you listen to me?!" Those words struck something in Stoick, recalling memories of a time he wanted to block out. "I know what it looks like when things are wrong, Dad, I_ know!_" Hiccup seemed to regret the words as soon as he said them. Stoick crossed the space between them and gripped his son shoulders in an attempt to calm the boy, and to also try and keep the world from spinning into a dark abyss.

"Aye, I know you do, lad," he said in a quiet voice, and Hiccup fell silent, eyes like dinner plates focused only on the floor. He couldn't meet his father's gaze, and Stoick felt those tiny shoulders tremble as his own heart was awash with apologies he didn't know how to word. At the change in tension, Toothless stopped his antics and looked between the two with concern and confusion. He circled the pair, his energy such a contrast to the two humans in front of them.

"Toothless, would you go outside, bud?" Hiccup finally asked, voice so tiny. The dragon snorted and growled at Stoick, who no longer had the will to growl back. "Please?" Toothless didn't have any inclination to obey until he heard that final plea, and then all the ferocity melted away, and Hiccup led the dragon out the house, meek as a kitten. "Come on, cool off before you burn the house down."

Stoick used those few seconds to try and collect himself. He'd had heated discussions with his own father, serious talks, furious rages. None were ever so charged or strewn broken glass as his relationship with Hiccup. And how was he supposed to fix it? Who could he even go to for advice? More importantly, Stoick wouldn't need to fix anything if he hadn't lost his temper so many times and broken it in the first place. He wanted to wash away the past with kindness and joy, replace every bad memory with something good, but no amount of retribution would ever completely scrub out the stain, and he heard his conscience cry out every time the subject came up: _"You are a terrible father!"_

It wasn't such a hard job. Just love the kid and don't let it die. As long as those two conditions were met, everything else was inconsequential, but Stoick was failing Hiccup at every single turn. Hiccup was losing limbs and pieces of his heart all because Stoick couldn't handle a job men had held since the dawn of time.

Stoick closed his eyes. "Gods above," he whispered, though years of silence proved he would never be answered directly, "I'm doing my best."

The door shut with Toothless restlessly pacing on the other side, and Hiccup returned in awkward silence. "So..."

It was hard to return to the conversation, but it had to be done. "You understand this is serious, don't you?" Hiccup nodded, and Stoick braced himself. "Do you think Spitlout would hurt Snotlout?" The idea was unthinkable, that anybody in his tribe, let alone kin, could do something so abominable. And so it was such a relief when Hiccup pursed his lips and replied, "No."

"But Snotlout's scared of him," he added quickly, "And he shouldn't be."

"He shouldn't be," Stoick agreed. "You were good to tell me. I'll talk to Spitelout and get this settled."

"Thank you..." Hiccup almost collapsed with relief and Stoick felt the same way. He knew how to deal with Spitelout, the two of them had grown up together. That man, whatever appearances might suggest to Hiccup, did love his son and Stoick was fairly sure a simple talk could solve this whole thing. If not, well, he _still_ knew how to deal with Spitelout, and it was a chief's duty to protect their tribesmen.

Even the tiny ones. "I'm sorry I yelled," Hiccup said in a rush, his voice powerful in the quiet house. "I didn't mean to, um..." Stoick almost cut in to say it was fine, but stopped himself. He wanted to see how Hiccup's thought finished. "...well, blame you... for anything."

"You're a good lad." Because Stoick certainly would have cast blame if it were him. "You were worried about your friend. I would never fault you for that." Hiccup gave him a long look, one that made Stoick wonder if he'd said something wrong.

"Right... Well," he stopped when Toothless let out a frustrated growl and thumped the house with his tail. "Good grief, Toothless!" he muttered and both he and Stoick watched the door for a moment. "I'm all right, you overprotective lizard!"

The idea that Hiccup might need to be protected while in his own home had not escaped Stoick. "What's gotten into him, lately? I miss that gentle, scaly puppy we used to have."

"I'm not sure. I may have, I dunno..." Hiccup fidgeted and squirmed in a childlike way that would have made Stoick laugh if not for the trouble that it inevitably concealed. "I may have vented some stuff... you know, teenage angst..." Suddenly straightening, Hiccup ran to the door. "He's gonna knock the house down if I don't let him back in!"

"Hiccup..." Ignoring his father, Hiccup swung the door open and was nearly tackled by the large, black dragon, who traded off between affectionate nuzzles and scathing looks at a dizzying rate.

"Okay, Mr. Bossy, you can come back in. Like I'm going to disappear if you let me out of your sight for five minutes..." Toothless continued his growling at Stoick, circling Hiccup with an audible snarl. "Toothless, calm down, bud." Under Hiccup's touch, Toothless relaxed, but only marginally. A dirty look was cast Stoick's way, and he imagined that far worse would be done if Hiccup wasn't against it.

He'd seen a man command the dragons once, use them as weapons to burn down villages with no remorse. Stoick didn't like the thought that these dragons would happily lay waste to Berk if Hiccup gave the order, and he knew Toothless had only halted his attack in the kill ring because Hiccup asked it.

If Hiccup had not asked, or had hesitated in doing so, they would not be sitting here now. "Venting, huh? He wants to roast me on a spit! What were you so mad about?" Again, Hiccup writhed under the questioning tone, and Stoick felt his heart grow heavy. "Out with it. You got something to say, then say it."

"I don't, um, it's not like-"

"Every boy your age hates his father, it's nothing the world hasn't seen before." And goodness knew, Stoick gave Hiccup more than enough material to draw from. "But you've got to take it up with me, not the dragon."

"It was forever ago, Dad! I'm over it now!" Hiccup insisted, but Toothless still glared. "I don't even remember what I was mad about."

"He does." Toothless sneered, letting them both know that whatever grudges he held were far from forgotten. "Must have been important."

"But now it's not, so just drop it!" Hiccup almost looked pained, and he turned to the dragon with a silent plea for relief. Toothless looked confused, and so did Stoick. Why couldn't his son turn to him? What was he telling Toothless that drove the fierce beast to protect the small boy from his own father?

As if Stoick had to ask, after the previous conversation. "Hiccup, I know I haven't always been as gentle as I could have been..." He was rough and calloused, inside and out, as his father had been and his father before that. But the genuine love had always radiated through. "You've got to know I'd never raise a hand to you. You know that, right?" Hiccup's jaw dropped and his eyes doubled in size.

"What? Sweet _Thor_, Dad!" The boy looked traumatized at the suggestion. Even the dragon seemed scandalized. "Of course I don't think that! I would _never_ think that!"

And now everything was awkward again, but Stoick felt a tiny bit relieved. "Then what_ is_ it?"

"Nothing!" Hiccup looked about ready to tear out his hair. "Really, it's not such a big deal!" Toothless nudged his rider and the boy glared. "You stay out of this. Dad..." Hiccup sighed, trying to let some of his agitation go. "I don't want an argue about this, okay?"

"Why does it have to be an argument? Why can't you just tell me?" Hiccup looked dubious, as if he doubted Stoick could keep his mouth shut and simply listen. "I'm not going to get mad at you."

Hiccup looked tired as he responded, "That's not the point."

"Then what is?"

"I don't know," the boy sighed again, throwing his arms into the air. "I wasn't mad at you, exactly, it's more like... This isn't easy to talk about." But they had to talk about it. Whatever he said, Hiccup still hung on to some old pains, and Stoick had been too afraid to touch the subject for fear his failure would spring out and attack him.

Hiccup was troubled, and they needed to get to the root of this problem. Stoick mentally ran through the list of recent arguments, which while long, was considerably shorter than it had been in the past. "Is this about Bucket's shield painting?" The original unveiling had been a surprise to Stoick, featuring a flexing Hiccup with more muscle than Snotlout. Stoick had praised it, finally, people would see Hiccup's inner strength reflected on the outside, remember him as the hero he was, instead of wondering how this talking fishbone ever survived the winter.

But the artistic interpretation had not been so well received by Hiccup, and after he nearly lost his boy in his millionth attempt to prove himself, Stoick had that shield recommissioned. Their current legacy reflected Hiccup exactly as he was, slight, brilliant, and loved by his father. But it was just a painting; Hiccup had been loved and always would be, regardless of what hung in the Great Hall.

"It's not that, not exactly..." Hiccup mumbled, and Stoick sighed.

"Because you don't have to prove anything to me, son. I'm proud of you. I know I don't tell you that as often as I should." Hiccup's lips twisted in an expression of both gratitude and frustration, his eyes turned towards the ground.

Stoick wanted those eyes to rise and stare back at him with pride. "You showed me I was wrong. It's hard for a man this set in his ways to accept that. This is all I know, Hiccup," he laid a hand on his son's shoulders. "Battles, fighting, strength. It's how my father raised me. I still don't know how to be anything different."

"And I don't want you to be!" Hiccup explained with his flailing arms and fingers that took the place of punctuation. "You're great, you know, brave... and selfless, you're the Viking everyone should be!" It warmed Stoick's heart to hear that praise from his child, though it also dragged up memories of Hiccup trying to follow in his father's far too large footsteps and nearly getting himself killed in the process.

"But_ you_ were exactly what the village needed." He patted Hiccup with encouragement. "It was you who ended the war on dragons, you who figured out a way to live with them, and I couldn't be more proud." He expected the praise to bring a light into Hiccup's eyes, but the boy grew quiet, almost afraid.

Several times, Hiccup looked about to say something, then abandoned the thought, but Stoick waited for him to finally have the courage to speak. This, he was sure, was the crux of the problem, and he imagined Hiccup had waited a long time to say it.

"Yeah, but what if you weren't wrong, Dad?" the boy finally asked, voice barely above a whisper. "What if I didn't do all that stuff? What if dragons really couldn't be our friends?"

It stabbed Stoick to hear. Had he done this? Instilled such insecurity in his son that even after a great achievement, Hiccup couldn't allow himself to acknowledge it? "Hiccup, don't think like that! You've done something great, son! You deserve to be proud!"

"That's just it, what if I didn't do anything great?" the boy waved his arms almost comically. "What if I screwed it all up and nothing good happened?"

"No more of this, Hiccup!" Stoick said sternly. He had to nip this in the bud. For too long, he'd criticized Hiccup, and now he'd let feelings of inadequacy grow over his son like weeds in a garden. He needed to rip them out of the soil. "You've got great things inside you, always have. And I was a foolish man not to see it."

"But-"

"I don't want to hear it. Don't drag yourself down when you were meant to soar." Hiccup was quiet for a second, then almost seemed to fold in on himself. "Maybe you don't see what you are yet, and that's my fault. But I was wrong, Hiccup. I could have lost everything, but we have another chance." Stoick reached out with his other hand and touched the boy's face, surprised at how pleasant the tender action felt. "I... I love you, son."

"I know..." Hiccup closed his eyes and leaned forward until he was leaning against his father's chest. "I love you, too, Dad." Toothless watched all this with his large eyes, silent and judging, but there was no malice when Stoick met the dragon's gaze.

He hoped that was a sign he was on the right track, and he brought his arms around Hiccup. "I said a lot of things in anger. But all I ever wanted was for you to be safe. Don't focus on the bad things, Hiccup, don't go looking for bad things to say about yourself. Not when you have so many people who care about you."

He felt Hiccup's distress through the embrace. "I don't know if I can, Dad, I... I don't know why they care." Stoick gripped Hiccup tighter, as if that could keep such thoughts from reaching his boy. "I mean, I know you love me, I do know that, but I don't know why! Not after everything that happened!"

How had he failed at even this? "A father loves his son. That never goes away." How could Hiccup not know that?

"But-"

"Hiccup, there's not always a reason for these things!" Stoick thrust Hiccup out and forced the boy to meet his eyes. "I held you in my arms, I watched you grow... That's not something I can explain, but it's true!" He desperately searched Hiccup's eyes, pleading for the boy to understand. "I see now I didn't give you much to hang on to, but I've changed. I am so proud to call you my son, and that's the truth."

The eyes of his son were clenched shut, the last defense against the tears that threatened to spill over. Hiccup seemed so torn between joy and sorrow, drive and exhaustion. "These doubts in your heart, you've got to forget them and trust what I'm telling you. Can you do that?"

_Please,_ Hiccup, he begged with his thoughts. _Give me another chance. You fought so hard for life, don't give up here._

Hiccup finally relented, and he nodded before letting his head fall back against his father's chest, tense shoulders finally releasing. But he sounded as empowered as the day Stoick enrolled him in Dragon Training. "I'll try..." For some reason, that promise didn't feel like such a victory...

Not long afterwords, Hiccup retired upstairs to bed, and Stoick let him go, deciding to ignore the meal on the table that went unfinished. Instead, he whirled on Toothless, determined to have some words with the dragon.

"You don't have to tell me I made mistakes, lizard, because I know!" Stoick declared, and Toothless met his gaze calmly. "But if we're always barking and bickering, it's only going to add problems to the pile." Toothless tilted his head, implying that he understood. "You and I used to be friends, flew all over Berk together. Haven't forgotten about that, have you?"

He held out his hand to Toothless' nose, though the dragon refused the touch. "He needs you like you need him, don't think I don't see that. But he doesn't need you barking and snapping at everyone else who tries to get close. You can't fix up all his scars by yourself, Toothless." The dragon's snort said that he most certainly could, and Stoick was forced to sigh.

"I want him to be able to make it in this world. I always have," he declared. "I want him to put all this behind him and walk proud, like the great man he is. But he's got a weight on his shoulder that I helped put there, and all your snapping won't make it go away." That got Toothless' attention, and the dragon's eyes watched Stoick with intensity. "So you can either take your revenge on me, or we can work as a team to help him. Which is it going to be?"

Immediately, Toothless jumped up and pressed his nose into Stoick's hand. "That's what I thought." And Stoick felt himself relax. Hiccup had been wronged and hurt, but he was loved so very much. Between himself and the dragon, they would surely be able to make him see that.


	6. Trust

**I am changing the rating on this story to 'T'. It's probably unnecessary, but I just wanted to warn the young'uns: We're going to talk a lot about kissies and smoochies in this chapter. **

* * *

Astrid did not allow other people to define her. She refused to. Others might accuse her of being a coward due to a certain family incident with a Flightmare, but she knew she was not. If she was treated as weak because she was a child, then she would train to be strong. And if no one took her seriously because she was a girl, then she would show them just how serious she could be. Astrid made herself exactly what she wanted to be, and nothing else.

Or so she thought. Though the opinion of Snotlout was hardly something to base her worth on, he had called attention to some aspects of Astrid that she hadn't been aware of. And now she was forced to examine herself and decide if those criticisms had any merit.

She threw her axe at a nearby tree, practicing her accuracy as she thought. Snotlout said she looked weak, but Astrid knew she wasn't, so that comment was irrelevant. He said she was putting too much effort into appearance, but Astrid knew it was not detracting from anything important and so she dismissed that as well. Most of Snotlout's comments weren't worth considering.

But when he'd brought up Heather... there was a glimmer of truth there. Astrid didn't like that part of herself, now that it was brought to her attention. And even if it was no one's business but hers, Snotlout was correct in his observation that she was growing frustrated with Hiccup. But most of all, the accusation that she only liked Hiccup for his popularity grated on her, because while she knew it was false, apparently she hadn't acted in a way to showcase that.

Which could be why Hiccup still didn't fully trust her. Her axe sunk into the wood for the dozenth time as Hiccup and Toothless walked into her clearing. "You seem full of energy this morning."

Stormfly had been flying overhead, but now swooped down at the sight of Toothless, and Astrid went to retrieve her axe while the two greeted each other. "Wanna spar? I could use a partner, and you could definitely use the practice."

Hiccup made a face. "Fun as that usually is," he said dryly, "I'm not really in the mood to get beaten to a pulp today." There was an exhaustion in his limbs and a dullness in his eyes that Astrid didn't like.

"Uh oh. What happened now? Are the twins still trying to 'fix' you?"

"No, I think they've finally forgotten about that, thank _Thor,_" Hiccup muttered, and he ran a hand through his hair. "It's just Dad. I talk and I talk, but he doesn't hear what I'm actually saying." The boy sighed. "But I guess it's better than it was."

Astrid didn't know the best way to reply. She knew things were strained between the two, but she had no useful advice or experience to offer. So she suggested the thing that cheered her up when she had a bad day. "Come on, go a round with me. It'll take your mind off things." Hiccup looked reluctant. "You've been getting good with that shield. Show me what you can do."

"If you insist." But his moves were slow and listless as he retrieved his shield from Toothless.

"Let's spice it up a bit. If I can beat you, I get a kiss."

"Well, there went all my motivation to win," Hiccup smirked, and Astrid was happy to see the brightness come back into his eyes. "In the extremely unlikely event that I defeat you, what do_ I_ get?"

Astrid thought for a second. "It's your week to clean the dragon stalls, right? If you win, I'll take over your chores. How does that sound?"

Hiccup snapped into battle position with delight. "Sounds like you're going down, Hofferson."

And so they began, the dragons barking and warbling to cheer them on. Hiccup was growing in his battle skills, though still not a match for Astrid. They danced around each other, laughing as axe met shield in a series of attacks and parries, but Astrid inevitably out-maneuvered Hiccup and forced him to the ground.

Hiccup struggled against the hold, even though he was powerless to force Astrid off him. He desperately tried to nudge his shield against her, but eventually deflated and gave up. "Okay, you win. The score is now Hiccup: zero, Astrid: infinity."

"But you came so close," Astrid lied, and Hiccup gave her a half-hearted little sneer. But his moodiness was short-lived, and when his smile returned, there was life dancing in his eyes again.

Hiccup was beautiful. There was once a time where Astrid drooled over Bucket's more muscular painting, but now Hiccup's body ruled her every thought, a perfection that was just out of reach. She couldn't stop thinking of the skin under his clothes, wanting to touch and see and own everything.

"Okay, you can get off me now," Hiccup was saying, and Astrid snapped back to attention, at least mostly.

"Don't I get to claim my prize?" Their eyes locked for a moment, a small hint of surprise and questioning in Hiccup's eyes. Their position was a bit more intimate than usual, certainly much more charged and aggressive after the sparring match. She knew he didn't like to feel overpowered, and while Astrid herself didn't understand it, things could go from being enjoyable to uncomfortable so quickly. One word from Hiccup, even a look, was all it would take to repel Astrid like an opposing magnet...

But the moment ended, and Hiccup's face melted into a smile, one eyebrow raising in an invitation. "I'm all yours, milady."

Did he know what that did to her, when he put himself completely in her hands? Given this gift, she was on him in a second, breathing life into him for all she was worth. She loved his hesitant fingers ghosting over her arms, and she loved it even more when those hands found their strength, pressing against her back to bring her closer to him. Astrid would have been content to melt inside those arms all day, but when a tiny moan escaped Hiccup's throat, she couldn't deny the fire inside of her. She needed more, needed everything...

But when her hand began to slip under his tunic, Hiccup grabbed her wrist. His grip was weak and ineffective, but Astrid caught his eyes and knew the moment was over. She sat back and allowed Hiccup to get up, and tried to forget the feeling of Hiccup splayed underneath her, smiling up with perfect trust in his eyes...

"I think we scared off the dragons." Hiccup laughed, but it was shaky and uncomfortable. "I, uh, should maybe go look for them..."

"Wait, Hiccup..." Astrid sighed and stood to face him. "What happened?"

"Just now?" Hiccup looked at her incredulously. "Weren't you there for it, too?"

"I don't mean, ugh!" His refusal to acknowledge it made it all the more frustrating. "Why did you stop?"

"I just... you know..."

"No, I_ don't_ know, Hiccup. It would be nice if you would_ tell_ me!"

Hiccup grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring a little. "Well, tell me why you're getting so handsy all of a sudden!"

"Handsy?"

"Yes, handsy," Hiccup shot back. "Either you brush me off or you're all over me, and I'm not exactly complaining about the second one-"

"You're totally complaining, you just did!"

"Only because you go too far!"

Astrid threw her hands into the air. "How far is too far, Hiccup? The line changes every day!"

"You promised you'd listen if I'm not comfortable with something."

"Yeah, but what_ part_ made you uncomfortable? I'm getting a little sick of this guessing game!" Hiccup's face was still cross and irritable. "You never talk about it! What exactly do you think I'm going to do to you?" A thought suddenly crossed her mind, and her arms fell to her sides, the idea too unconscionable. "… Hiccup, did... did someone _hurt_ you?"

"What? No! That's just-No!" Hiccup looked like he was going to be sick, but Astrid felt relived. Her boyfriend waved his arms wildly and continued to protest, "It's nothing like that! I'm just not in the mood sometimes, okay?"

It should have been okay. It used to be okay, when they were fifteen and holding hands was an act of supreme intimacy. But they were more than a full year older now, and Astrid hated that she felt more for Hiccup than he seemed to be feeling for her. She wanted to give him so much _more_, but he wasn't accepting any of it.

She had worked so hard to become someone Hiccup could trust, someone who would listen to his concerns and never force him into something he didn't want. Astrid knew she had the power to take complete advantage, and so she made sure that Hiccup felt his voice was heard, that he was valued, respected, safe. But after all this time, he still didn't completely trust her.

Hiccup dragged his metal foot through the dirt, drawing a squiggly line in the ground. "I don't really know how to talk about it, Astrid. It's awkward." He looked up with a helpless shrug. "It's not like I can predict how I'm going to feel before something happens."

"But what about_ after_ something happens?" Astrid pressed. "Are you scared? Mad?"

"I'm not scared of you," Hiccup said, but Astrid wasn't so sure she believed him. "It's hard to explain. There's, like, a million feelings, and you're asking me to find just one..." He trailed off and kicked a small rock in frustration. "Don't you think I'd tell you if I knew?"

"I guess," Astrid relented, and she picked up her axe from where she'd left it. "I just want to know what I'm doing wrong."

Hiccup's eyes went wide. "Oh, I'm pretty sure you were doing it right." He coughed a little, pink rising in his cheeks. "But are things really that bad, I mean..." Hiccup gestured to both of them, nervous and fidgety. "Is this still good for you?"

Astrid wanted to reassure him, but she also wanted to smack him for making her feel so guilty. She was doing her best, but she had needs, too. In the end, she turned to the weapon in her hand. "See that mark on the tree? I can hit the same one, over and over." She swung her axe in a few loose circles. "I know exactly how had to grip the handle, and when to be relaxed."

Fighting was a discipline she understood. Words and feelings weren't Astrid's strongest point, especially when it came to romance, but physicality was something she understood. She drew her axe back and prepared to throw. "I know how to hold it, and how to release-" the axe sailed through the air, hitting the tree with a satisfying sound. "And I'll hit the mark perfectly every time. I never miss."

Hiccup was silent while Astrid demonstrated, but once Astrid pulled her blade out of the wood, he asked, "What's your point?"

"You trust me to handle a weapon," Astrid explained. "You trust me to train a dragon. You trust me in battle. So why don't you trust me with you?" Hiccup looked at the axe thoughtfully.

"Well, as long as we're using this as our metaphor," he said with some unease, "If you keep on whacking at that tree, eventually it's going to fall down." He watched Astrid warily for her response. "I _do_ trust you, Astrid."

"No, you don't! You're always pushing me away!"

"It's not like you're so warm and fuzzy lately, either!" Hiccup shot. "You've been brushing me off right and left, any time somebody else is around to see us!"

"Oh, you want warm and fuzzy, huh? What else?" She hated this, hated herself. Snotlout was right. She never used to worry if someone liked her or what the village thought, as long as she liked herself. But now she didn't like herself, and it still wasn't good enough for Hiccup. "Should I stop training and burn all my weapons? Would that make you feel better?"

"What are you talking about?"

Hiccup sounded exasperated, but Astrid's frustration was far higher. "Maybe I should let my hair down and cut all stylishly? Or do you want me to quit putting spikes all over my clothes?"

"That would make it easier to cuddle," Hiccup's dry reply only concealed a growing anger. "What's this about, Astrid?"

"What about Heather? Could you trust her? Is she more your type?"

"Good grief, that was _ages_ ago!"

"Don't think I don't remember how you looked at her!" Astrid accused, sensing a place to let her feelings loose. "You loved being her big strong man! You were crushing on her the second we found her on the beach!" Stupid Heather, with her stupid, exotic eyes and stupid, glorious hair. Taking in all the boys with some sob story about pirates before she betrayed them all.

"I was not!"

"Don't lie, Hiccup! You wish I was more like her, don't you? All sweet and helpless, 'Oh, Hiccup, what would I do without you?'" Hiccup's cheeks were red, but he was fuming.

"I never thought that. You're the only one I've ever wanted."

Astrid barked out a laugh. "Really? You would turn that down? A pretty girl with nothing to say but 'You're so smart, you're so brave,' and she'd never beat you up, she _couldn't_! Better than your big, scary girlfriend, right?" Hiccup's face changed, furious and humiliated.

"Okay, fine!" He shouted back, restraints gone. "I liked Heather! She _was_ pretty, she complimented me, and she didn't break down my door in the middle of the night and kick me until I woke up!" Astrid flinched, she had gone overboard that day. "And she was the only one besides Toothless to be nice to me without making me jump through a bunch of hoops to earn it!"

Astrid hated moments like this, moments where she was confronted with the harsh truth, that she was not the exemplary person she'd always thought she was. She never tormented Hiccup outright, but her dismissal had been just as cruel. But she wasn't always sure how to acknowledge it, even if she knew she couldn't just wipe the past away and start over with a clean slate. "Hiccup, I didn't... back then..."

"I know, Astrid," Hiccup waved it off in an irritated voice. "But you're right. I liked it. I liked how she looked, I liked that she didn't punch me, I liked feeling like the strong one for a change, being needed! I liked that she didn't know my whole tragic backstory and just liked me for me! Who wouldn't want that?"

Astrid wasn't sure just how she'd expected the conversation to go, but this wasn't it. She lowered her head and tried to think of something to say besides, "Oh..."

"But I never wanted you to be like Heather, Astrid, and I'd hate you if you were. You know why? Because Heather_ lied,_" Hiccup's voice cracked a little, and Astrid saw a lightning storm of buried rage flashing in his eyes. "It was all a lie to manipulate us, and no matter what her reasons were, I'll never be able to look at her without wondering what's hiding behind that smile."

Astrid wasn't sure how she'd gone from criticizing Heather to feeling the need to defend her. "She wasn't evil, Hiccup. They weren't all lies." Heather manipulated them to gain their trust and save her family. She'd lied, but she wasn't a horrible person, and they all parted as friends.

But even if Hiccup could forgive, it didn't seem like he'd ever forget. "Yeah, I know, but I can never trust her now. Not completely. And you think I'd want_ that_ over you? When there's never been an obstacle you didn't face directly and with honor?" Hiccup actually looked a little frenzied, a dam of emotions spilling over. "If we ever found a problem you couldn't handle on your own, you'd walk up and _demand_ we help you, you wouldn't lie!"

"All right, I get it," Astrid sighed, suddenly exhausted with this conversation, but Hiccup interrupted her.

"No, you don't get it!" And when he shouted, Astrid actually felt a bit intimidated. "You have _no_ idea, because you've always been strong enough to avenge yourself, and you can't understand what it means when everyone in the world can run you over!" Hiccup's face was raging, they'd unlocked some buried grievances. "You can beat it down or walk away from it, because it's just one person out of a hundred. But for me, it's everybody! There's nowhere to escape to!"

Astrid paused and allowed her boyfriend to take a few deep breaths, not that it could really cool down the volcano that just erupted. "Hiccup? You stopped making sense a while ago..." Frustrated, Hiccup ran a hand through his hair and fixed Astrid with a determined look.

"The girl I fell in love with looked straight ahead and didn't waste her time with stuff that was beneath her. She never picked on smaller kids or laughed at them. If it wasn't worth looking at, she didn't waste her time with it."

"Is this supposed to be a compliment?" Because this was exactly what Astrid didn't like about herself, that she had played a role in Hiccup's torment, and hadn't cared. Because his struggles were beneath her.

But Hiccup felt differently. "You know what people said when I handed them their weapons at the forge? 'Hope he didn't mess it up.' 'Better pray it works.' They're a little better about that, now, but..." Hiccup shrugged, and Astrid had to admit, it was surprising that someone with such slight shoulders was such a capable blacksmith.

Hiccup, now much calmer, took Astrid's hand in his. "Every time _you_ got your axe sharpened, you said, 'Thank you.' If I did a good job, you complimented it." Astrid remembered those 'compliments' as being bored, blunt observations, but it clearly meant something to Hiccup. "It didn't matter that you were talking to the village screw-up. If something was good, you acknowledged it, and if it wasn't, then you didn't bother with it. So when you look at me, now..." Hiccup's fingers toyed with Astrid's, sending little shocks through her veins. How did these tiny actions have such power over her?

"When you thanked me back then, I knew it was because you saw something good there, even if it was small. And I knew that if you could see the dragons the way I did, you'd never hurt Toothless. I can't trust Heather now, and this whole town turned their back on me the second I didn't meet their ideal," Hiccup's anger began to build back up, and he gripped Astrid's hand with a force she didn't know he had. "But when you say you love me, I believe it, because I've watched you my whole life and a girl like that wouldn't _waste her time_ breaking hearts for laughs! So why," Hiccup took a step, and suddenly the space between them was very small, "Do you think I'd want you to be someone else?"

Astrid could only stare. She'd never seen Hiccup so fierce, not even when defending Toothless. "I... didn't know you felt that way," she stammered, feeling a little stupid. "I haven't felt like myself lately, I guess... I've changed since meeting you." Her word choice suddenly hit her, and her face paled. "I mean, uh, hanging out with you! Of course I've always _known_ you..."

"I know what you mean," Hiccup said, and he was a lot calmer about the slip than Astrid thought he'd be. "Astrid, if you don't like who you're turning in to... then fix it. You've always known exactly who you are and who you want to be, so if that's not lining up," he took a step back, releasing her hand, and Astrid felt like crying over the new distance. "Then go make it right again."

"It's not that simple," she complained. With a frustrated sigh, she sat down on a nearby log and put her head in her hands. After a few seconds, Hiccup sat timidly beside her, all his fire extinguished. "I hate that you can't trust me."

"I do trust you." Astrid sat up and glared.

"No, you're always pushing me away whenever I get close! Like you think I'm gonna..._ hurt_ you or something..."

"I don't think that," Hiccup said quietly, and it frustrated Astrid.

"Then_ why?_ What do you think I'm going to do to you?"

"I don't think..." Hiccup fidgeted, and his eyes turned to stare at his feet, which kicked against the log for a few seconds. Finally, "I can't talk like this with other people. Yelling about personal stuff, they tell me I'm over-reacting, and no one takes me seriously if I talk about how I'm feeling. Even my dad, he means well, but he doesn't hear what I'm really saying. I'm terrified that one day I'm going to lose my temper and say or do the wrong thing, mess up again and lose everything. The second I stop being what they all want, all of this disappears."

Astrid put a hand on his shoulder. "That's not going to happen, Hiccup-"

"I don't know how far I can push things," Hiccup interrupted her. "Nobody talks about it. But when I stood up for Toothless, my dad, the one who's supposed to love me unconditionally... he took that love away." Astrid's hand fell, and her eyes widened. "So when I ask you to stop because I'm uncomfortable, when I don't give you what you want, it's because I _do_ trust you. Because you showed me I could."

"I... oh..." It wasn't the most intelligent response Astrid had ever given. But her heart swelled and broke at the same time, awash with so many new feelings. She wasn't doing something wrong, and Hiccup did trust her, in ways she didn't realize. What used to make her feel rejected now made her feel closer to him than ever, and she gently took Hiccup's hand with joy in her heart. The boiling feelings settled down to a simmer, and that simple touch between them was now more than enough.

But the revelation had come with new worries. "Have you talked about this with your dad?"

"I tried, but he doesn't get it! Even if I can get him to talk about it, I can't make him understand." Astrid squeezed Hiccup's hand and he looked up gratefully. "He _does_ love me, I know that. That's all that really matters, right?"

"I guess, but..." She honestly didn't know. "You were pretty upset earlier."

"He loves me now... and so do you..." Hiccup smiled down at their joined hands. "So I'm trying to let go of the rest. But I'm not completely comfortable with everything yet." Both in the village and here with Astrid, things were going to take time. Astrid didn't feel such a need to rush that, anymore.

"So... this is okay, then?" Astrid ran her thumb over Hiccup's knuckles. "You're happy like this? Because I don't know how to read you, you're not always clear."

"I'll try to get better at that," Hiccup promised. "But I don't always get you, either. Sometimes you act frustrated, like I'm not, um, _doing_ enough," the tips of his ears went pink, "And other days, it's like you want my unconditional surrender. And I'm not totally against that," he said with a small twist to his lips, "I'm just not sure I get it, I guess..." he trailed off as Astrid's thumb continued to stroke the back of his hand.

"It's hard to say." All Astrid's thoughts about trust seemed trite now that she knew of the real trust Hiccup was placing in her. "When you give me that much control," knowing how he felt, knowing all the pains he hid, when he allowed her to strip away everything that covered his true self, "It's special. But I like stuff like this, too." The quiet moments, the passionate moments, the tender moments, even the angry moments. "I like all of it. I want to see all the different sides of you." She teased the hem of his tunic with her thumb, running it over the rough fabric. "I want you to give me everything."

Hiccup gave her a look. "Well, not right this second!" she amended, and that look relaxed. "But, you know, when you want to..." Her thumb slipped under the cloth and Hiccup shivered. "And I'll give you all of me, so, like, it'll be even..." She wasn't sure what she was saying. Physical communication was her forte, not poetry. Meanwhile, Hiccup's eyes were like saucers, focused on some point on the ground. "Okay, is this romantic to you at all? Because this is what I mean when I say you're not clear. It's not like I have any idea what I'm doing-"

"Sure about that?" Hiccup squeaked out, and when he caught Astrid's eye, his whole face went as red as Hookfang. "No, um, you're pretty romantic, trust me, whatever you were trying to do, it's working..." Astrid watched him squirm for a second before the comic sight overcame her, and she dropped Hiccup's hand to clutch at her sides. "Oh, laugh it up. But someday I'm gonna learn some moves too, and then, well, you just hope I don't use those powers for evil."

"Oh, really?" Astrid couldn't stop giggling, and the past tension was forgotten. "I'm so scared of your evil sexy powers!"

"Yeah, you'd better be," Hiccup said dryly, watching Astrid howl. But he laughed too, and a devious smirk took over his face. He reached out to tickle the vulnerable Astrid, who quickly retaliated and soon she had Hiccup pinned to the ground. "And we always end up like this..." he sighed, looking up with a pained expression. "Astrid, your spikes are digging into my leg."

"Oh!" She moved to get up, but to her surprise, Hiccup stopped her.

"I just need to..." he wriggled and shifted until his legs were mostly free of her pointy, studded skirt, and Astrid was laying across his chest. He relaxed, smile contented. "There we go. All perfect." He looked up with warm eyes. "You're perfect, Astrid."

"Even covered in spikes?"

"Even covered in spikes." Hiccup reached up and brushed her iron spaulders with his fingertips. "You don't have to change who you are, unless you want to. Be the person you want to be, and don't worry what I think."

"I do worry about what you think." But that wasn't so bad. Hiccup's opinion was the only one that would be allowed any weight besides her own. "I think I like myself right now." She watched Hiccup's eyes as his hand rose from her shoulder to play with a lock of dangling hair. "If I'm getting a bit pushy, it's not because I don't respect you, or anything like that. I just want to be close to you."

"I know."

"But it's no good it you're not happy, so don't push yourself." Hiccup gave her a grateful smile, fingertips drifting against her face.

"Thank you. I know I'm not exactly seducing you with my marvelous physique, but..." he was silenced when Astrid's fingers threaded through his hair, relishing the softness and warmth.

"You have no idea, do you?" she sighed. Someday, she'd find a way to drive home just how alluring he was. "I just want to make you feel what I'm feeling. Because if you could, you'd never feel unloved again." And Hiccup was speechless.

With wide eyes, he stared up at her while his hand caressed the side of her face, almost mesmerized, though Astrid wasn't really sure why. She knew she was covered in sweat, dirt and possibly blood at any given time, and she was covered in enough skulls and spikes to prevent anyone from getting close. Her hair was usually windblown and mussed from flying and training, and she didn't think she had a particular gift with words or sentiment.

But Hiccup had fallen in love with her anyway, and admired the person she was becoming. Astrid knew she still had some flaws to work on, but she was satisfied with herself, and more than satisfied with Hiccup.

All the rest could fall away for a while. "If I could," Hiccup breathed, still captivated by her face, "I'd just lay here and kiss you forever..."

"Then why don't you?" Astrid challenged, before she was pulled down into soft bliss. In this moment, they were worlds away from Berk and all the problems it hid. Hiccup changed their world, turned it from a place Astrid not only survived in, but could thrive. And she vowed to become the kind of person who could change the world for him someday, challenge Stoick and the villagers and clear out all dangers that lived in the shadowy corners.

But for now, she could create a miniature world where they both felt loved and safe, and that would have to be enough.


	7. Stump Day

As a boy, Stoick had loved Stump Day. It was a time of revelry and celebration, a time when those of reduced limbs doffed their prosthetics in pride. How a person celebrated was entirely up to them, and there was occasionally a villager or two who did not elect to participate, but the rule was that for one day, there was no such thing as a "right" or "normal" way. Belch the Baker removed his iron hook and ran his bakery entirely with one hand, Gobber usually put the forge in his apprentice's care and drank and danced the whole day long, while No-Toed Olwyn just moved a chair outside, propped her stumps on a stool and basked in whatever sun the Gods decided to grace Berk with that day.

In all his life, it was the only time Stoick's father ever let himself be seen without his metal foot, and Stoick would happily support him as he limped around the village to do his chiefly duties. At night, the Great Hall was filled with music and laughter, dancing and singing well into the morning. No one was singled out as unusual for what they couldn't do or how unusually they managed the things they could do. Tasks that wanted or needed to be done were accomplished in whatever way the doer felt best, without prosthetics if possible, and none of Berk's amputee population cared a bit for how it looked.

Stoick had celebrated with his father and then stood by Gobber's side as their friendship grew. He loved the camaraderie of Stump Day, and the optimism. His village came together with nothing but pride in their limbs- and lack of them- for this made them what they were. A thing that caused great suffering and loss, impediments and irritation, pain and heartache, was now something to be celebrated.

But then Stoick's son lost the lower half of his leg, and Stoick's entire outlook changed.

His father's foot had been metal since Stoick was born, and the man never breathed a word to suggest it was an inconvenience. He rarely took it off excepting Stump Day, and though sometimes Stoick was seized with a curiosity over what it _felt_ like, it was not a topic commonly discussed. It didn't seem to be a painful subject, but if his father didn't find it important enough to mention, Stoick also didn't feel a need to bring it up.

Since meeting Gobber, who was much more vocal about irritants and complaints, Stoick received a much better idea of what his father's experience in the world might have been, but even so, he hadn't been prepared for Hiccup. And though his father was a strong man who never needed comfort and would have laughed in Stoick's face if he'd offered it, Stoick wished he had been given the opportunity to assist outside of Stump Day.

Because the first time he saw Hiccup bandaged and stitched and _incomplete_, he nearly fainted, and Gobber was forever sworn to silence about how the chief of Berk only remained upright because of the blacksmith's death grip on Stoick's arm. And Stoick had no advice or experience when it came to that first month of watching Hiccup tumble down the stairs every morning, unable to find the perfect tension on the straps to keep the leg from shifting without them digging into his flesh. He was useless when pain struck, when tears came, when anger bubbled up from where it was hidden, because Vikings did not talk about sentiment.

Of course that was a lie, every Viking knew pain, grief and loss, and anyone who said Viking men didn't comfort each other in times of sorrow was kidding themselves. But no one talked about it, no one told you_ how _to cry, how to help a friend, or how to soothe a tearful child. It was a necessary thing that happened to come up, it was dealt with, and never spoken of again.

So when Hiccup stubbed his metal foot one evening and then proceeded to have a complete breakdown, Stoick was completely out of his element. His late father comforted Stoick by taking him out to break rocks against his head, rip trees out of the ground or wrestle boars. "Look at what you can do," the lessons said, "Here's your strength, you're not helpless against this world." But Gods knew that didn't work for Hiccup. Hiccup never responded well to any of those attempts, and sweet touches and heartfelt words were more Valka's territory.

Stoick learned and he changed, but never enough to know what Hiccup needed, and problems specific to the leg tore him apart inside. Listening to Hiccup, Stoick began to wonder what his father felt, if the prosthetic shifted and slipped sometimes, caused blisters and sores, or was painful to place weight onto. He wondered if that indifferent attitude was just for show, and if the man was concerned with how people perceived him, if he ever felt incomplete. These thoughts never entered Stoick's mind before, but as he held his grieving son, he was sure there was a side of his father that he'd never seen, a side that dealt with pain and sorrow alone...

Hiccup tried to keep all things leg-related to himself, but occasionally irritants would pile up and spill over, especially in the first few months. But in time, pain dulled and memories faded, and Hiccup appeared to be adjusting to his new life. Just as his grandfather before him, the loss became fact, and there was no need to dwell on it.

But that didn't mean Hiccup had any love for Stump Day. Three years as Berk's youngest amputee (discounting Toothless,) and Hiccup never once participated in any of the celebrations. Now the forge was closed all day, and Hiccup kept himself busy in the house, politely turning down invitations to join in the revelry.

It was his right to do so, but the reclusive attitude worried Stoick. "Yeh can' tell him how to feel about his own body," Gobber declared in a state of functional drunkenness that he'd managed to sustain for most of the day. "He'ssssallowed to do whate'r he wants on Dump Stay!"

"Yes, well..." He watched Gobber knock back another mug and knew they'd be carting him back home in a wheelbarrow. "I just worry he's ashamed of it. You know how Hiccup can get."

"Aye, I know," Gobber said with a pointed look. "Boy's got thish intimidating father to catch up to, and now he's a leg behind. Can't imagine whasss wrong there..."

"Can't you say something to him?" Stoick asked with irritation, the criticism not unnoticed. "I try to get through, but everything I say goes in one ear and out the other."

"Mirror image, you two," Gobber sighed, plunking his mug down on a nearby table. "Nah, if he wanted my advice, he'd be out here with the rest of us," he gestured to the other revelers. "He wants a father. Yeh got to understand, Stoick, the pains don't all come at once. Some o' them wait years to rear their ugly heads, when things are goin' smoothly. When life is good, thasss when the bad stuff sticks out..." Stoick pondered the drunken words for awhile.

"So, what do I do?"

"Hiccup's like one of them little dragons," Gobber drawled, almost dreamily. "Terrobles, or somethin'... Scare him and he'll scorch your face off. You gotta touch his nose and feed him tha' ssshpecial grass..."

"Right..." Stoick doubted this advice, but he finished his drink and returned to the house to keep Hiccup company.

The boy just sighed when his father entered. "I'm eighteen years old, you don't have to babysit me."

"That's not what I'm here for." Stoick approached the table, where Hiccup was sketching some things into his notebook. "What are you working on?"

"Just some ideas for a new saddle." Another one? Stoick shook his head.

"What's the point? You're always jumping out of those things, anyway." Hiccup just laughed. "Speaking of Toothless, why aren't you with him? He's certainly enjoying this holiday."

"Of course he is, everyone stuffs him full of fish!" Hiccup shook his head and kicked his fake leg a little. "Let him have his fun. I'm fine here."

"You sure you won't go out? I saw Astrid in the village square, and I'm sure she'd like a certain someone to ask her to dance."

"Dad, I can barely dance on two legs. How's that going to go with one?"

"However you want it to go!" Stoick insisted, while Hiccup just raised an eyebrow. "It's your day. If you want to get out there and do a one-legged dance with your lady, there's no one to tell you you're doing it wrong!"

Hiccup gave a sideways look, but said nothing, and Stoick was forced to sigh. "Ah, your grandfather didn't like Stump Day, either. Didn't like to look too frivolous in front of the people he was supposed to be leading, and with the way mead flows at these things," Stoick smiled at the memories, "He'd usually get roped into something pretty ridiculous."

That coaxed a laugh out of Hiccup. "We drink for every holiday! Did he hate Snoggletog, too?"

"He didn't hate anything, just liked to keep his playful side close to home. 'A chief's got to inspire leadership,' he always told me, so the village always saw his serious side. But in his house, he was just a man who liked to have a good laugh." Stoick wondered what his father would have thought of Hiccup, and how things would be different if he were around to be part of their family.

Perhaps Hiccup would have someone who understood his disability, or perhaps he would never have been put in a position to need that. "What about you?" Hiccup said curiously. "Because I've seen you and Gobber get pretty crazy at some of these parties."

"Well, I run my chief-dom a little differently," Stoick said with a smile. "But that dad of mine, whatever he thought about it, he always made an appearance for Stump Day. A tribe follows the example of it's chief, and he didn't want any of his people to feel ashamed of what they were." Hiccup grew quiet, and Stoick's voice was gentle. "He didn't care much for limping around, but a tradition where limpers weren't embarrassed to show off what made them different? He cared a great deal for that. For one day, no one worries about what's 'normal' or hiding parts of themselves, and it's okay to be a little different." _ A reminder for the rest of the year,_ his father described it.

"Sure. Unless you're a hiccup, I mean, then you can just go drown yourself." Stoick's mouth fell open in shock, while Hiccup gave a dark glare back. "Gobber's lost half his limbs and Bucket's lost half his brain, but Hiccup's skinny and he _builds_ things, that's way too radical..."

Stoick still couldn't find effective words, but he felt he had to try. "Son..."

"Sorry, Dad. I'm in a bad mood," Hiccup grumbled. He flicked his stick of charcoal and let it roll across the table. "It's not the stump that bothers me. It's all the empty space it covers up." Hiccup raised his eyes to meet his father's. "I lost a lot more than a stupid_ leg_, Dad."

Stoick sat down on the other side of the table, doing his best to understand, but he was still a little thrown by Hiccup's comments. "I know things have been hard for you. _I_ was hard on you," he forced himself to admit. "But you're becoming a great man before my eyes, and you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you are." The things that made Hiccup stick out as a child were some of his best traits, and Stoick was a fool to ignore them in favor of the things Hiccup lacked.

"A great man, huh? Is that what you see when you look at me? 'Cause I'm totally not seeing that." Stoick's heart fell. These past years, he tried to instill some confidence in Hiccup, tried to praise more than he criticized. He tried to be more open and affectionate in an attempt to undo the past. Hiccup felt he lost something, but Stoick had taken something precious and tossed it in the corner to gather dust.

"I see a brave young man with courage and a spirit stronger than a dragon," Stoick said, rising to place a hand on his son's shoulder. "And I know you'll make a fine chief when your time comes-"

"Wait? Chief!" Hiccup stood so fast that his chair fell over. "Are you insane?_ Chief?_"

Stoick paused. "You're the son of a chief, aren't you? Surely you knew this was coming?"

"No," Hiccup said, wide-eyed and horrified. "No, I never knew this was coming. No one's ever talked about me taking over the tribe, not without emigration in the same sentence."

"You're not twelve anymore, Hiccup, you've shown you're capable." Stoick frowned at his son's distress. "You were acting chief back when I was kidnapped by Dagur, weren't you? You did well enough with that."

"That was, like, a day!" Hiccup shrieked, "And very special circumstances, and I wasn't really inspiring a lot of confidence..." Hiccup paced in a circle with his arms waving like a windmill. Stoick wanted to pick him up by his shirt collar, except that Hiccup would probably just keep walking in the air. "Half the village didn't think I'd live long enough for this to be an issue, and the other half hoped you'd adopt Snotlout or Astrid before you put me in charge of anything!"

"Well, I think I'll leave Astrid's adoption into the family up to you," Stoick teased, and watched his son blush. But he soon left behind the joking tone for a more sincere one. "You've got a good mind, a good heart, and the courage to fight for what's important. I couldn't ask for a better successor." Hiccup gaped for a bit, and Stoick wondered why his son still couldn't accept praise for what it was.

"That's... thank you, Dad," Hiccup said, and he did sound grateful, even if his eyes looked nervous. "But it wasn't that long ago these people thought I couldn't lead a yak to grass."

"No one thinks that. I'll teach you what you need to know. I wouldn't just throw you in there," Stoick scoffed.

"Why not? That's how you taught me to swim. _Both times._" And Stoick was forced to grimace at the memory of Hiccup's iron appendage dragging him straight to the bottom of the lake.

"I was right there to fish you out, wasn't I?" Hiccup rolled his eyes. "You've been leading the Dragon Academy for a few years now, and it was you who led the fight against the Red Death. No one's doubting your abilities, Hiccup. You've proved yourself several times over, and I am proud to call you my son." He hoped to ease some of Hiccup's worries, but was surprised when his son's eyes went cold.

"Well, thank the Gods for that, right?" he said with ice coating each word. "I mean, Toothless can't fly on his own, and I lost a leg and most of my childhood, but hey, I finally made you proud."

For the first time, Stoick knew what it was to feel weak in the knees. What was wrong with his son, _what did he do to his son?_ "Hiccup-"

"Do me a favor, Dad? Could you quit having expectations?" Hiccup said as he stomped towards the stairs. "I'm not sure I can afford to keep living up to them."

Stoick ran and caught Hiccup's arm before the boy could disappear into his room. "Wait! Hiccup..." What could he possibly say? When he was the one to put these words in Hiccup's mouth? "Listen to me, please!" Hiccup looked away, and it seemed that Stoick's pleas were able to dissolve a small bit of anger. "I did wrong by you, I see that now, but I'm doing my best to make it right again."

"I know, Dad, I know... It's just this day, and everything... I thought I could forget it, but..." Frustrated tears pricked at the corner of Hiccup's eyes. "I've got too many empty spaces and missing parts, and I'm sick of having the same conversation with someone who never listens."

"I'm listening now," Stoick insisted. _I did this, _his mind kept crying. _I held him at arm's length, and now he won't reach out. I tore down his confidence and pride, broke his body and his spirit. _ "Tell me how to fix it."

"I don't _know_, Dad! Do you think I like fighting with you or something?" To be honest, there were days when Stoick wondered... "Why can't someone else come up with an idea, instead of waiting for me to figure it out?" When Stoick didn't immediately reply, Hiccup plunged ahead. "Oh, don't worry, I'll just wander down to the forge later and slap a big piece of metal on the problem. That's how we fix everything around here!"

"Hiccup-"

"Better yet, why don't I build you a whole new son?" Hiccup spat. "Tall, bulging muscles, indestructible? It'll never talk back or get moody, and whenever you don't like something, we can melt him down and whack him with hammers until he changes-"

"Stop it, Hiccup!" Stoick commanded. When Hiccup calmed down a fraction, he continued, "I'm not trying to change you. You're my son, and I love you the way you are."

"Yeah, now that your son tames dragons, he's a lot easier to love, huh?" Hiccup was so caustic when he wanted to be.

And unfortunately, somewhat correct. Stoick could barely stand up under all the shame. "Hiccup, I've always loved you. You wanted someone to listen, and I am." Ironically, this made Hiccup clamp his mouth shut. "Then please listen to me. I know I was harsh with you, but it was never because I didn't love you." He pleaded and searched his son's eyes, desperate to find a sign that Hiccup's earlier words were mere frustration. "I wanted you to be safe, and to have a place in this world." Hiccup looked down at the floor.

"Why couldn't I have a place with you?"

Why indeed? Stoick fumbled for words, but in the end decided to make a try for honesty. "I couldn't protect your mother, and she was a grown warrior who could wrestle a Gronkle into submission." Not that Val ever would, but that was a separate issue. "I swore I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. I thought it was my fault when you turned out a little different." This drained a lot of Hiccup's rage, and the boy shifted his weight and began to look a bit guilty.

But Stoick knew_ he_ was the only one who needed to feel guilt. "I was wrong, Hiccup. I expected you to be something you weren't, and was blind to all the things you were. And I will always regret that." Hiccup didn't reply, choosing to keep his gaze on the ground. "You were the one who brought peace to Berk. It was you who saved our tribe so many times, and all of us our grateful for what you've done."

"I don't want everyone to be grateful," Hiccup said with a weary voice. "I just wanted to be one of you guys."

"And you are," Stoick insisted. "Don't you see, son? You're the pride of Berk, everyone in the village is singing you praises."

"Yeah, well, that's kind of the scary part." Hiccup ran a hand through his hair. "Because I killed the Red Death? That's not exactly something I like about myself, Dad!" Stoick didn't understand, which made Hiccup more agitated. "Do you know how many months I spent planning how to kill Toothless?" His voice dropped to a near whisper and he looked to the door as if the dragon might come in at any moment. "How many nights I stayed up dreaming about it, imagining every detail... I was going to rip him out of the sky with my mangler, and when he was whimpering and helpless, I'd dig my knife into his chest and just... let the blood run over my hands, the grass was going to grow back red!" Hiccup's face was a sickly green. "And then I'd carve out his heart and give it to you as a trophy!"

"We were at war with them, son. You didn't know any different" Stoick tried to reassure, but Hiccup refused to listen.

"That's not an excuse! He was always a living creature, he deserved respect! I wasn't even thinking of defending the village, I just shot him down because I wanted a date! Because I thought you'd finally..." Hiccup trailed off, now looking close to tears. "He can't fly anymore, Dad. I'm the one who did that. And then I went and killed the Red Death without even trying to tame it first..."

"There was no taming that thing, and you know it," Stoick said with as much command as he could muster, while his heart was breaking for Hiccup. "It enslaved it's followers and ate the ones it was supposed to protect. Human or dragon, that's an evil that can't be reasoned with." As a chief, it was something Stoick couldn't forgive, especially now that he had come to view dragons as part of his tribe. Such abuse of power was unforgivable. "You did what needed to be done to save the dragons, and Berk as well. There's no reason to torture yourself over it."

"I know that, but..." Hiccup's eyes were so broken, and Stoick wanted so badly to understand. "I killed the biggest, baddest dragon of them all, when I'm supposed to be the peacemaker, and now everyone thinks I'm something I'm not. And when they figure out that I'm a big phony-"

"Who'd call you that?" Stoick thundered, angered by the thought but mostly afraid of Hiccup's attitude. How could he convince his son of his own worth, when the boy was so determined to tear himself down? "They call you a hero because that's what you are! You protected your own with the best that was in you, and you weren't afraid to stand up to a hoard of Vikings or a fierce dragon! That's what they're proud of, Hiccup. That's what a chief does."

Hiccup looked ready to collapse into frustrated sobs. "Dad, this is so much bigger than taking over as chief..."

"I know, but listen to what I'm telling you!" He braced himself and scrounged up every shred of humility he had. "We were wrong, Hiccup. All of us, we pushed you away when you needed us and shoved you into things that weren't good for you. We said things that hurt you and didn't say the things you needed to hear, and we never should have put you through that." Hope sparked in Hiccup's eyes, and Stoick prayed he was finally on the right track. Perhaps he could find the right words to fix what he'd broken. "But you showed us we were wrong. You proved that your way could be just as effective as the Viking way, even more so. You saved us when you had no reason to, and now the whole village sees the greatness in you. And we're sorry for the pain we caused. _I'm _sorry..."

This didn't seem to have quite the effect Stoick hoped for. "_That's _why you're sorry?" Hiccup asked, tired disbelief coloring his voice.

Stoick could only repeat himself, as earnest as possible, "You deserve to be proud of yourself, Hiccup, no matter what anyone said to you in the past. And I'm sorry it took a tragedy for me to open up my eyes."

"Ugh, forget about the Red Death, forget about the stupid leg, this is bigger than that!" Hiccup said irritably. "Pretend I'm still two-legged and useless-"

"-You are not useless."

"Pretend! For the love of-!" Hiccup looked ready to start another tantrum. "All my life, I've been trying to make you proud of me, I've tried to be normal and fit in, but no matter what I did, it all blew up in my face! This leg is _nothing _compared to back then! I was lonely, and hopeless, and..." Hiccup trailed off into his thoughts for a second, before shaking his head and snapping back. "I didn't change, Dad! I'm still the same, so why is everyone else so ready to just let it go?"

Stoick wished he knew how to properly suffer penance, knew the appropriate sacrifice to absolve every mistake he made with Hiccup, but all he had were his words and his actions. "Aye, Hiccup, you didn't change. We did." Taking a risk, he reached out to brush away his son's tears, which the boy didn't seem to realize were falling. Hiccup flinched, but after a second, leaned into the touch. "You were always the inventive, strong, courageous boy I see in front of me, and we were the ones too blind to realize it."

Hiccup shook his head. "But Dad-"

"No buts, I won't let you put yourself down anymore," Stoick said firmly. "I said a lot of harsh things and pushed you away, but you were what this village needed all along. We were wrong, Hiccup, and I apologize for that." Hiccup wasn't consoled. "Do you hear what I'm saying, lad?"

"Loud and clear," Hiccup replied, almost bitterly. He looked up with tired eyes. "...you still love me? Even when I'm being difficult?"

"Of course I do."

"Then... I guess that's all that matters, right?" He looked so tiny and desperate, like he was ten years old and nearly burned the house down again, begging for his father's forgiveness.

Except this time, it was Stoick who needed forgiveness, it was the father who was responsible for the fire that had consumed his son and taken part of him away with it. Three years since they ended the war with dragons and Stoick promised to do right by his son, but for all his efforts, Hiccup didn't seem any better. Was Stoick only making things worse? Or, as Gobber said, did the pains come in stages?

The only peace offering Stoick had was a pair of arms to embrace with. So that's what he did, and he held his small, cynical, self-depreciative boy while he prayed to the Gods to bless him with the sense to know what he was doing wrong and the words to repair it with. But most of all, he wished his own father would have been kind enough to let someone see his weaknesses, so Stoick could learn how to act with tenderness.

Of the two, the father and son, Hiccup was never the useless one.


	8. Forging Metal

All her life, Ruffnut wanted to have just one birthday without her brother. In the back of her mind, she knew that was impossible, but she wished for it anyway. She wanted to grow a year older while Tuffnut stayed behind, and have something that was just hers.

Most of the time Ruffnut loved being part of a pair, but having her dumb brother constantly attached to her hip could get annoying, and never more so on her birthday, a day when people supposedly thought your coming into their world was something unique. It irritated Tuffnut, too, and they both secretly wished that, this next year, they'd sneak ahead just a little bit and have a birthday by themselves.

When the twins turned 18, they received the next best thing. They celebrated on the same day, but since they were now adults, their mother thought it was time to initiate them into that grown-up world, and both her children were separated. Tuffnut was off doing whatever manly things men did, while Ruffnut was stuck with her mother and the rest of the women for most of the day.

Honestly, she didn't see the point. It wasn't like Viking women were a whole lot different from Viking men. But she expected her day was filled with a little more sewing and children than Tuffnut's, which was a pity, as her brother had discovered a few years ago that he was surprisingly good with fabrics. He'd probably enjoy this party, or feminine training ground, or whatever was supposed to be going on.

It made her uncomfortable, though she couldn't put her finger on exactly why. For hours, the women talked through the day's tasks, and Ruffnut felt like she was living in another world. Not just because no one shared her love for explosions and mayhem or because no one was a twin, not even because no one was her age. The atmosphere just felt wrong, somehow, like she was spying on a world she was never meant to see, and uncovering some unknown truth.

When the gaggle of women that did not include Astrid or anyone Ruffnut considered a friend finally dispersed, she dashed out of her mother's clutches and into the village. There was no Tuffnut to help her cause chaos or help her beat off Snotlout and Fishlegs as they tried to shower her in birthday appreciation, and she was finding that a birthday shared with her brother was much preferred to his absence.

Eventually, Ruffnut dragged herself to the forge, having nothing better to do but get a mangled sword put right. Some birthday. "What can I do for you, birthday girl?" It was Hiccup who greeted her, and Ruffnut looked over his shoulder for the other peg-legged presence.

"Isn't Gobber here?" Hiccup's smile dropped, and he rolled his eyes.

"I've been working here my whole life, I can handle anything Gobber can," he intoned, as if he'd been saying that speech all day. Ruffnut shook her head.

"I don't mean that. He's just always here." And Gobber was funny, in a mean sort of way. She was hoping to hang out somewhere fun so this day wasn't a total waste, and the forge was full of explosive personalities and, if Hiccup was in an inventive mood, actual explosions.

But today there was only the apprentice, and he didn't appear to have any agenda outside of running the forge responsibly. So Ruffnut handed over her sword while Hiccup explained Gobber was off with Stoick, helping repair the fishing boats. "Woah, what did you do to this thing?"

The sword was twisted and bent in all sorts of odd shapes, every one a memory. "I bashed it over Tuffnut's head!" she said fondly, while Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "Think you can straighten it out?"

"I'll do my best... If you come back tomorrow morning, it should be ready." Ruffnut looked over her shoulder at all the milling people, the day pushing into the evening. Those people were once a comforting feature in her world, but now she wasn't so sure.

"Can I hang out here with you? Snotlout and Fishlegs are stalking me again, but they'll never look here." No one came to the forge if Gobber wasn't around, except to place work orders. What were they going to do, talk to Hiccup? He was a pretty cool kid, but not_ that _interesting.

But Hiccup was better than nothing, and he wasn't part of the world outside that suddenly felt wrong to Ruffnut. "Sure, if you want. Pull up a chair." Ruffnut did, sitting backwards on it and leaning her head on top of the frame, and for several minutes, she just watched Hiccup work while he asked pointless questions. "How's your birthday going? Did you have a party?"

"Sort of."

"Any fun?"

"Not really." A bunch of ladies Ruffnut never talked to, doing nothing she cared about and talking about stuff she didn't want to know. Was this what awaited her in the future? "I think Mom's trying to make me grow up."

Hiccup laughed. "Yeah, I know that feeling..." This was news.

"How?" Ruffnut asked quizzically. "I thought your mom was dead?" Hiccup froze in his movements, before narrowing his eyes and fixing Ruffnut with a glare.

"From my _Dad, _genius."

"Oh." That made more sense. Hiccup returned to his task with a huff, while Ruffnut thought back over the events of the day. "All they do is talk about us. The whole day, just talk about everyone younger than them. I think I know stuff about every kid in the village, now." More than she wanted to know. Stuff she maybe shouldn't know. "But they just talked, they didn't do anything."

"Sounds like a boring day." No, Hiccup wasn't getting it. It wasn't boring. Well, it was, but that wasn't the point.

It was frightening. All day, words were hung out to dry like laundry, while babies rocked in their mother's arms, toddlers played at their feet, children ran in and out of rooms. Words were plainly on display with no cares to conceal, as if the younger generation were too stupid to hear what was around them.

Seeing the world from the adult side put her childhood into perspective, and Ruffnut didn't like or fully understand what she saw. So she tried to cast it from her mind and focus on the present, where she and Hiccup were safe in the forge. Hiccup wasn't part of that mess out there, he was young like her, and routinely defied the village norms. But still, he was affected by it, and in watching Hiccup, Ruffnut saw those words and those voices slithering all around them like snakes. All her life, she'd been a child and watched those words go by, unable to properly perceive them until now.

In watching Hiccup, she noticed that his walking was unusual, and it took her some time to figure out why. "Did you get taller?"

"I did." Hiccup wasn't as short as she remembered, that was the difference. But now, his legs didn't match, the artificial one was several inches too short.

"Your leg didn't grow with you."

"No, it didn't." Ruffnut frowned and analyzed it as Hiccup pulled her sword from the forge and took it over to the anvil.

"Why not?"

"Because," Hiccup grunted as he pounded away on the molten metal. "Metal doesn't grow. You have to melt it down and shape it yourself."

"Oh." She'd never thought about it before. With every fall of the hammer, her glowing sword was knocked a little closer back to it's original shape, while Hiccup's too-short leg dug into the ground for traction. She knew how forges worked, but the process wasn't something that occupied her mind very often.

Now, she was fascinated. Hiccup's leg didn't grow with the rest of him, and would have to be thrown into the fire, metal would be smashed and beat into a new shape, and finally, put into water to cool...

Hiccup and his leg came up a few times during her 'party'. She had the impression that Hiccup had come up a lot before, though Ruffnut couldn't remember her childhood clearly enough to pinpoint any words. Still, she _knew,_ even if she couldn't recall specifics. Everyone heard, everyone knew. Hiccup probably knew, too.

Did the mothers not care that their children were listening?

"Oy, Hiccup!" Some customers arrived, and Hiccup went to the window to take care of them. Ruffnut kicked at the dirt floor and let her thoughts wander. For someone no one wanted to deal with as a kid, Hiccup inspired an awful lot of talk. And now that he was all impressive, that hadn't stopped.

Nothing anyone did could make it stop. "So, when are we going to get the wedding invitations?" the men asked after placing orders for new saddles.

"The fourteenth of Whenever-I-Feel-Like-It," was Hiccup's cheeky reply, and the customers just howled.

"I wouldn't keep that girl waiting too long," he was cautioned amidst teasing laughter. "She'll get bored, and then who'll make an honest man out of ya?"

"Oh, har dee har har..." Talk, that's all this village did. They talked and talked and didn't do anything, didn't care what they said or who heard it.

"None to worry, Astrid will be askin' him. Girls like that don't take no for an answer, am I right, Hiccup?"

"I'm not talking about this," Hiccup sang, and promised the saddles would be ready by the next day. But the men hung around to poke fun for a bit more.

"Heard the two of you had a little scuffle in the Great Hall yesterday. Story is, she knocked you flat on your-"

"Don't you guys have something better to do?" Hiccup was exasperated, and Ruffnut actually felt one of her rare pangs of sympathy. She'd been at the hall yesterday, when Snotlout and Tuffnut tried to get Astrid drunk, and finally succeeded. The 'fight' was mostly Astrid not knowing her own strength while intoxicated, and she spent the evening accidentally knocking Hiccup over, apologizing, then trying to kiss it better until Hiccup was practically beating her off with a wooden spoon.

"Shouldn't refuse her, it only makes it worse when you get home!"

"Ah, the boy's not a fighter! He likes it that way, don't you, Hiccup?"

"Not appropriate," Hiccup growled, and Ruffnut finally stood up and made her presence known.

"Hey, you gonna finish my sword, or what?" Grateful for an escape, Hiccup rushed back to work while Ruffnut was forced to endure more words and chatter from people she never cared about and now felt even less for. The topic of conversation shifted slightly to Snotlout and Fishlegs, and the men finally parted with the remark that "at least those two can battle for their woman. You've got a tough choice on your hands, Ruff."

"Whatever." She chose neither, and thought she made that clear. But no one cared what she said. They'd tell her how lucky she was to have to burly Vikings fighting for her until it was time to bring the yaks in from the field, and the fact that Ruffnut didn't want either of them went ignored. But Hiccup was just as gossip worthy, they all were. She'd spent her whole life hearing that Hiccup would be lucky to marry, given his height, lack of strength and general uselessness. He'd have to take what he could get.

And now, he wasn't useless, and he had Astrid. Tuffnut was the future old maid, unless he looked to other tribes, while Hiccup was the pet of a Valkyrie. No one would have thought it possible before the dragons, so shouldn't Hiccup be grateful?

Ruffnut sat back down in her old position, feeling uncomfortable. "Astrid can totally beat you up, huh?"

"Your point?" Hiccup grumbled between hammer blows, and Ruffnut wasn't entirely sure where her thought was going.

She rarely was, just voiced things until a direction became clear. In some ways, she was just like all the other villagers. "She can have you any time she wants."

Hiccup's hammer made one final clang, then stopped. Ruffnut looked up to the boy's face, which was completely unreadable. "Yes, she can," he finally said in a level voice. There was no point in denying it.

"And they laugh at you." Hiccup's hands clenched and his nostrils flared.

"Is there a reason for this conversation, or am I just a big joke to you?" That wasn't it, Ruffnut wasn't here to laugh at Hiccup. After today, she wasn't sure it was safe to laugh at anything.

"Hiccup, are you okay?" She watched his face change to pure shock. "Like, do you need help? I can beat up Astrid if you need me to." Actually, she wasn't sure if she could take Astrid in a fight, but she felt someone needed to offer. Because Astrid could take Hiccup and people laughed and whispered about it, they all expected Ruffnut to be flattered by Snotlout and Fishlegs and now that she was eighteen, it all felt so _wrong. _

"No, uh, I'm okay, Astrid isn't... um..." Hiccup blinked a few times and stammered a bit before changing thoughts. "You know, you're the first person to ever ask me that?" His eyes were wide with wonder, and it just reinforced all the wrongness Ruffnut had been sensing all day. "Everyone just assumes, or acts like I'm supposed to take it and _like_ it, just because I'm more of a..." he gestured to all of himself, "Bread-making, small home repair sort of Viking..."

Ruffnut nodded. She knew, she'd heard the words on the air, and now she knew where they came from. "Do you need help, though? 'Cause I will." She would, too. She'd round up Tuffnut and defend Hiccup if it came to that.

But Hiccup smiled and shook his head. "Thanks, but I'm fine. I'm very happy with Astrid." Good. Ruffnut let it go and resumed kicking her foot through the dirt, and Hiccup eventually took her sword back over to the forge to heat it back up.

"You know, Tuffnut and I decided that if we didn't get married, we'd build our own house on the edge of the village," Ruffnut said, not sure why she was telling this to Hiccup. It was a secret plan between her and Tuffnut, spun after a late night when they first realized there wasn't an even number of boys and girls. Now that Tuffnut had no one on the island but his sister, the plan seemed all the more important. "We're gonna draw a line down the middle and have two of everything, and we'll live there together and be happy."

"Sounds nice." Hiccup didn't seem disgusted by the idea, or think Ruffnut was weird to want to live with her brother more than Snotlout of Fishlegs. Those two were good friends, but not the kind of friends she wanted to share a house with, or anything else. Not that she was so good at sharing with Tuffnut, but if he stayed on his side of the house, she thought they wouldn't fight _too_ much.

"If you want, you can come live with us. We could make a third side." The three of them, safe against the rest of the world.

Of course, Hiccup might be chief by that point, so maybe the world could be different? "Thanks. But I already have a place to live."

"Yeah, but you're not happy there." Hiccup tensed up again, and Ruffnut felt overcome by the uncomfortable feelings she'd experienced today. "I'm not happy here. This place doesn't feel like home anymore." She looked around the forge, such a familiar place, but with a strangeness to it as well. "Don't you feel it, too?"

Hiccup's face said he knew exactly what Ruffnut was talking about, but he feigned ignorance. Ruffnut slumped in her chair. "They talked all day, all the moms. Their kids were right there, like they thought they couldn't hear, or something." _Wasn't Magnus just as big as Fishlegs when he was that age? And so good with a bludgeon. That Gustav, so wily, I wish he'd stop spending so much time with Snotlout. Oh, did you hear what Astrid did the other day? Would you ever have believed a girl like that would be with Hiccup? My, how much has changed... Olaf's a little behind, isn't he? He should have been talking by now. Well, you know who his father is... Look at you, Helga, so cute and fierce, that's my little warrior! Why can't all the girls be more like her?_

Just echoes of the voices she heard as a child. _Finish the food on your plate, you don't want to be skinny like Hiccup. Spitelout is a little demanding, don't you think? Takes Thawfest way too seriously. Well, that's none of our business... Did you hear Astrid is going to be in fire training? Isn't that amazing, considering what happened with Fearless Finn. Hiccup takes after his mother, poor Stoick. I don't know how that man copes. It would have been better if dragons had taken off with the baby, maybe Valka wouldn't be so enamored with them after that. Ruffnut and Tuffnut? They're always together, two halves of a whole. Sometimes it's like their the same person. I don't know how you can tell the difference, but I guess it doesn't matter... Hiccup in dragon training? Why, he'll be killed before Gobber lets the first dragon out of it's cage!_

"When we were kids, things were hard for you, weren't they?" _You want to be like Snotlout, like Stoick, as big as Fishlegs, as fierce as Astrid. You don't want to be like Hiccup. _ "We weren't really friends back then." Always we, because _Ruffnut is never seen without Tuffnut, they're twins! Oh, Ruffnut, I meant to call Tuffnut... well, it doesn't really matter, it's all the same... _"Everything's changed, right? You see it, too, don't you?" _It's not so much what he looks like, it's what's inside that we can't stand. It's hard enough to look after the twins, and now I have to watch Hiccup, too? Dears, wouldn't you rather play with Snotlout? I suppose Hiccup can't help it, Stoick's far too busy, but how can he stand having a son so unlike him?_

"What do you mean?" As if Hiccup didn't know.

Words. Whispers on the air. She'd heard them all her life, but now she knew they came from people saying things, and didn't they care that they all were listening? _It seems little Hiccup has a crush on Astrid. She could do better. Well, I can show my face in public again! If someone told me that Hiccup would go from being, well, Hiccup, to placing first in dragon training, well, I would have tied him to a mast and shipped him off, for fear he'd gone mad!_

She'd been living in this world for eighteen years, and now was seeing it for the first time. It terrified her. "You weren't our friend back then." She remembered Hiccup looking tired and miserable, holding an axe and lagging at the back of the crowd as they entered Dragon Training for the first time. She remembered him being dragged off by Stoick and Gobber, thrown into forges and houses, cuffed upside the head and yelled at until his head sunk into his shoulders. But most of all, she remembered Hiccup _not_ being there, when she and Tuff played games, Hiccup was not present. When she put out fires, every living teenager in the village helped, but Hiccup was somewhere else. When they laughed and caroused in the Great Hall during holidays, Hiccup was never even thought of.

"Hiccup, were you anyone's friend?" And suddenly, it was very important that this get answered. "Before the dragons moved in, and everything changed..." But she knew the answer. Hiccup was alone, they hurt him, and thought it was okay. Until one day, when it wasn't. "I don't know anything about you."

"You know plenty about me, and it's all blackmail material." Hiccup tried to play it off as a joke, but Ruffnut kept pressing, and he eventually sighed. "It was a long time ago, okay? Everyone's forgotten, and I'm over it."

"But you're not okay." How could he be? Ruffnut wasn't okay, nothing was okay, and how did they all live in this world for so long without noticing?

Hiccup suddenly looked more tired than he'd ever looked before. "Please, Ruff. I just want to forget about it." He began to close down the forge, limping with every step on his uneven leg. "It's getting late. Why don't you come back for your sword tomorrow?" He was soft, but insistent, and Ruffnut found herself outside once more, with Hiccup disappearing into the twilight. Probably flying Toothless, but for some reason, thinking of the dragon just made everything seem all the more distorted.

Ruffnut walked up to the Great Hall, where she found her brother moping alone at a table. She sat down beside him and mirrored his actions, dropping her head into her arms and watching the people pass by. People who talked, as if their words had no impact on the people around them. "Happy Birthday."

"Back at you."

"Do anything fun?"

"Nope." Tuffnut grumbled a little, before finally admitting. "It was more fun when I had to share it with you." Ruffnut couldn't agree more. When she and Tuffnut were together, they ruled the world, even if the world was only as big as the two of them.

She didn't like this world she lived in now, caught between child and adult, between past and present as if it were Toothless' tail fin, unable to open all the way. "So, Hiccup told me that metal doesn't grow by itself."

"Huh? Isn't there, like, a metal tree or something?"

"I guess not." Tuffnut looked dumbfounded.

"Then where does it come from?"

"I dunno. But that's why he's been walking all weird. He grew tall, but his leg stayed the same, and now he's got to melt it down and make a new one..."

"Huh. Weird..." It was weird. Everything was weird. Ruffnut looked around the Great Hall, noticing that her whole world was made of wood and metal, just like Hiccup's leg. She and Tuff spent their whole lives on Berk, since they were tiny infants to the grown adults they'd supposedly become.

Berk hadn't grown with them. "This is still our home, right?" Ruffnut asked, hoping Tuffnut felt the same unease she did. "We didn't wander off to another island, this is still Berk?"

"Sure is. Same as always," Tuffnut muttered, and Ruffnut nodded to herself.

"So why do I feel like I've gone my whole life with a metal leg," she said slowly, watching Tuffnut turn to her, "And no one ever told me?" And when Tuffnut's face settled into a grim stare of acknowledgment, she knew he felt it too, that he was just as unhappy and just as afraid of the changes, and at how long it had taken to realize something was wrong.

"What do we do about it?" Ruffnut didn't know. This was the adult's world, and she was scared to become a part of it. Scared to join all the thousands of voices and words that had told her the world was normal when it was so horribly wrong. This harsh, stagnant world was built upon a foundation that couldn't shift when things changed, refused to, and here in the Great Hall, paintings and carvings showcased decades and even centuries of history. This island of wood and metal couldn't grow with it's children.

To change it, they would have to melt it down.


	9. Breaking Point

**Just another friendly reminder that we changed this story to 'T'. Nothing graphic, but everything goes downhill from here.**

* * *

It happened every so often that Toothless' tail would break down. Lightning, attackers and even general wear could cause a malfunction, so Hiccup always kept a few spare parts in a saddlebag in case they needed to make some emergency repairs. Experience had taught them to be prepared for the unexpected, and the two of them could usually get back into the air no matter how badly gravity fought against them.

But the temporary rigging was never perfect. Hiccup crafted Toothless' tail and each subsequent upgrade with time, care and careful planning, ensuring that every single element was the perfect size and weight. The real tail was an intricate piece of biology with infinite components in its makeup, and the mechanical one had to match as closely as possible. A hair's width, a feather's weight, a water droplet's worth of friction could be felt in the air, and Hiccup was aware of every factor when crafting each piece of the tail.

When in a rush, they did not have that luxury. They made do with what they had, whether things were bent or torn, whether the components were slightly different sizes, or even if some pieces were completely missing. The important thing was usually to get airborne and on the way home, but Toothless felt a small bit of anxiety prick at his chest until he and Hiccup were safe on Berk soil and able to make proper repairs. Every second gambled against malfunction, and he could feel the mechanical part of his tail being forced where it didn't want to go, locking and seizing where it shouldn't and only holding itself together by a prayer.

It seemed unfathomable that such small items could take control away from his massive wings, but there it was. "Hang in there, Toothless," Hiccup rubbed the dragon's head in comfort. "We're almost home."

_The sooner, the better._ Any second, Hiccup might shift positions and the tail might not respond properly, and the both of them would plunge straight into the ocean. One of the replacement gears was a fraction too small, and Toothless could feel the cogs slipping and failing to catch at each other with every movement. Yes, they could still fly, for now, but it was only a matter of time before the whole contraption reached it's breaking point.

But despite his worries, the island of Berk came into view, and Toothless glided down to the Haddock house with a fairly decent amount of grace. He breathed a sigh of relief as soon as all four of his legs were back on earth; they'd lived through another cobbled flight.

Hiccup, unfortunately, did not go immediately to the forge to begin repairs, much as Toothless begged for it. "Sorry, bud. No time tonight."

_But as long as we have this ugly thing, we're grounded! _ Toothless whined back. _We can't fly until you make a new one! _After all, Hiccup's ingenuity got them home in one piece, but to continue to fly on a substandard piece of equipment was a death wish. If they kept using a tail that hadn't been repaired properly, one day it would fail under the pressure.

But there was a full moon tonight, and apparently, that was significant. "Ready for your romantic night with Astrid?" Stoick teased when Hiccup began fussing over the dinner preparations he'd left his father in charge of. "Relax, I didn't let 'em burn!" Toothless wrinkled his nose at the smell of herbs and spices slathered all over Hiccup's pieces of smoked fish. The actual smell was pleasant enough on it's own, but it clouded the far more pleasurable smell of the fish itself, and that was just pointless.

Hiccup fetched a ceramic dish and began moving his human concoctions from the oven with painstaking care. After that, he gently covered the dish with cloth and set it in a woven basket where he also placed some bread, cheese and fruit. Finally, almost lovingly, he added a casket of wine he'd purchased from Trader Johann a few days earlier, and looked very satisfied with himself.

"Ah, to be young and in love," Stoick said wistfully. "That full moon is wasted on me. Luckily, a chief is married to his village." He opened the front door and stepped outside with a wave. "I've got duties to attend to. Take care, Hiccup! Have fun with Astrid!" He almost closed the door, then poked his head back in. Looking confused and awkward, he finally pointed at Hiccup and tried to look stern. "But... not _too_ much fun..." When Hiccup just raised an eyebrow, Stoick shuffled his feet. "I, er, suppose this is where we... well, I should tell you about... 'tickling clams' and such..."

If anyone looked more awkward than Stoick, it was Hiccup. "...tickling..._ huh?_"

_I don't even want to ask... _ Stoick coughed. "We haven't had_ that _sort of talk in awhile..."

"Because we both agreed it should never happen again," Hiccup said dryly, managing to keep his sarcastic tone despite his flushed face. "Really, Dad, I don't think that's necessary... I, uh, I already know about... clams..." _If you both don't kill this conversation, I will._

"All right, then... Just do right by that girl, got it? No planting crops you've no intention of harvesting." Stoick pointed another stern finger at Hiccup, and this time it was more supported. "Trust I don't have to explain that." _What is with you people and your euphemisms?_

"Sir, I am the epitome of honor." Hiccup gave a mock bow and Stoick rolled his eyes.

"She'll be breakin' all your bones and sending you home in a wheelbarrow," he muttered, but his good humor quickly returned. "I know you're a good lad, Hiccup. You and Astrid have a nice time and enjoy the moonlight. I'll be back later."

"Don't wait up," Hiccup called as the door shut, then nearly collapsed as soon as his father was gone. "_Clams? _ What do clams have to do with anything?"

_Already repressing that,_ Toothless sang as he tried to find some fish that had yet to be ruined by salt, smoking or strange plant additions. He managed to slurp up a couple of cod, while Hiccup returned to fussing with his picnic basket, having gotten furiously red puzzling over clams and apparently deciding to forget the whole thing.

"This evening's going to be perfect, Toothless," he declared, but seemed to be talking to himself more than anyone else. "I've planned out every detail, it's going to be... well... I hope..." Toothless crooned out a question when Hiccup stopped talking, and eventually padded over to his friend. _What's wrong?_

The atmosphere was changing. Hiccup's jittery excitement was turning into jittery terror. "I'm fine, bud. Just nervous," Hiccup said, but it didn't reassure Toothless and certainly didn't seem to reassure the boy himself. "I've never, um, I don't really know how to be romantic..." Toothless gave Hiccup a nudge with his nose for encouragement. "What if she doesn't like all of... this?" He gestured to all of himself.

_Come on, you know full well she likes you._ Toothless refrained from rolling his eyes, but did so mentally. _She's made that clear in sickeningly sweet terms. _ "Or what if I'm not good at it? What if I can't do whatever I'm supposed to with the leg-What if she wants me to take it off?" Toothless suddenly jerked, realizing the full subject. "And _clams!_ What's the deal with clams?"

_Please stop talking, please stop talking, _Toothless begged silently, now feeling nauseous. _You _could_ be talking about this with your dad in private, but noooo... _

Hiccup, oblivious, rambled on. "I don't really know what she wants there, it's not like we sat down and _talked _about it. She just keeps sending signals and I-" Toothless jabbed Hiccup in the side and that was enough to get him to shut up. "Right, you didn't need to hear that, sorry..." The dragon snorted while Hiccup settled into a chair at the table, still agitated.

He poked at the picnic basket. "I need to calm down. It's not a big deal, I love Astrid..." But even as he said it, Hiccup's morale didn't seem to be rising. The boy put his head in his hands and took a raggedy breath. "I can't lose this, Toothless. Now that I know... I can't lose it all again."

_Oh, no... _The door was shut but Toothless ran to it anyway, nudging a bit at the handle and trying to call for Stoick. The _strangeness_ was back in Hiccup, and if Stoick would just come back now, surely he would _see! _ Hiccup walked and talked like all the other energetic children, but there was a part of him that didn't belong with all the rest, and every now and then it would trip things up. As much as Toothless tried, this was turning into something he couldn't handle on his own.

But Stoick was long out of earshot, and Toothless and Hiccup were alone. "I can't keep this up forever. She'll get bored with me, or I'll make a big mess of things and then all of this goes away."

_Who told you that? _ Toothless gave an exasperated whine as he trotted back over to Hiccup. _ Where is this coming from? Your dad loves you, Astrid loves you, they tell you that all the time! _ In fact, the amount of praise and affection Stoick heaped upon his son was getting a little nauseating. In place of the stern giant Toothless first met stood a friendly, red-haired yeti. Astrid was similarly free with compliments and endearments, and she and Hiccup shared a verbal and physical affection worthy of envy. _It's not like it used to be!_

But saying so felt like an intrusion. Toothless had no idea how it used to be for Hiccup. He'd tried to understand the world his friend lived in before meeting him, but he never truly would, hadn't walked those town lanes or looked in through those windows. He could be told, but he'd never really know what Hiccup's life had been, though the tales spoke of a pain that didn't die so easily.

The village at large hadn't offered apologies for the ways they caused harm, unintentionally or otherwise, but all the people who mattered did. Stoick expressed his remorse as often as Hiccup looked like he needed to hear it, and Astrid never shied away from admitting her failures and the role she'd played in unraveling Hiccup's sense of worth. The other Dragon Riders treated Hiccup like one of them, and had all separately extended some form of regret for not including him in the circle earlier. Some of these expressions were clumsier than others, but all were genuine and Hiccup accepted them and the earnest intents behind them.

But it wasn't enough. Hiccup needed something more. "I'm running out of ways to make her happy, Toothless." Hiccup was actually crying now. "Oh, Gods, I want to make her happy! But I can't give her everything she deserves, I'm not enough, I don't know why she puts up with me as it is..."

_Why do you think you're not enough? I know she didn't tell you that! _Toothless crooned and nuzzled Hiccup, but the boy wasn't comforted.

"And Dad wants me to be chief now, can you believe it? Not enough that I train dragons or work a forge, now I have to be responsible for the whole tribe! I can't even imagine how disappointed he's going to be..." _Please, Hiccup, you're scaring me._ "And when Astrid finds out? That I'm just... this, and she didn't get a great chieftain..."

Toothless plunked his paws into Hiccup's lap and bumped the boy's chest with his nose. _No one will be disappointed. And I'm always here for you. You don't need to be afraid. _With Toothless' wide eyes begging him, Hiccup eventually calmed down a bit and wiped his eyes.

He spoke to the Night Fury with wonder in his voice. "You're different from everything I've ever known. I didn't deserve anything, but you still..." _ Why are you talking like this? You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. What's telling you that you don't?_ "But you know, that almost makes it harder..." _What happened to you? Everyone loves you so much, so why aren't you getting better?_

Hiccup didn't reply to the questions he couldn't decipher. He leaned his forehead to Toothless' nose. "What's wrong with me, Toothless? Why can't I just let go of it?" _I don't know. I don't know how to help you anymore. _ None of his expressions of friendship were cutting through the briars growing around Hiccup, and Toothless had tried everything short of kidnapping Hiccup and flying so far away that Berk could never touch them again.

But he suspected even that wouldn't fix the breaks, just patch them up for a bit until they failed again. "It's going to be fine," Hiccup resolutely said after a few deep breaths. "Tonight's going to fix everything." He pushed Toothless off his lap and forced a smile to his face. "Sorry about that, bud. I'm just a little nervous."

_Don't you dare lie to me! _Toothless growled, and Hiccup seemed to realize he was being called out.

He dropped the charade and sighed. "I know I've been a bit of a brat lately, but I promise, that all ends tonight." Hiccup picked up his picnic basket with a small smile. "I planned it all out, it's going to be perfect."

Toothless tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, tone suspicious. _ This is starting to sound like a lot more than a simple date._

What sort of scheme was Hiccup planning? "You don't have to worry, bud. By tomorrow, everything will be perfect." _Somehow, you haven't reassured me..._

But a knock was heard at the door, and Hiccup dropped the conversation completely. "Oh! That'll be her! Wish me luck, Toothless!" He opened the door with a flourish and grinned broadly at Astrid. "Evening, milady."

"Hey, Hiccup." Toothless ran up to Astrid while Hiccup kissed her on the cheek, hoping Astrid would see what Stoick always seemed to be missing. _Something's wrong, I know it, we need to help him! _ He jumped around in distress. _He fakes it really well, but something's not right, and I'm worried!_

"Aw, silly bodyguard, we're just going for a picnic!" Astrid knelt down with absolutely no comprehension of Toothless' motives. "But don't you worry, I won't let anything happen to your rider, okay?"

_You don't understand~ _Toothless whined, but the humans just shooed him back. He continued to act up for a few more minutes, until both Astrid and Hiccup were swearing up and down that they would keep each other safe. It wasn't something hiding in the dark that worried Toothless.

But he saw how Hiccup relaxed when Astrid's hand was in his, and the soft caring in the girl's eyes, and he forced himself to take a step back. Astrid loved Hiccup as much as Toothless himself did, and she was just as experienced in slaying inner demons. No harm could come to the boy while with her.

But he was uneasy when the door shut, as anxious as if he were flying on his current hodgepodge fin.

* * *

Stoick returned later in the night, but Hiccup did not, and while Stoick happily tossed himself into bed and snored loud enough to shake the rafters, Toothless only napped fitfully. His mind turned over ways to expose the private, insecure, _broken_ side of Hiccup so others could see, others with their human words that could actually make a difference. Or was he supposed to trust Hiccup and his promise that tonight would somehow change things? He'd trusted this whole village for a few years now, but Hiccup's hurts had not healed over.

A faint sound broke into Toothless' thoughts, and his body went rigid.

Shouting. Screaming. Crying. _ Hiccup. _ Hiccup was scared, Hiccup was hurt!

_Get up, old man! Hiccup's in trouble! _Like the lightning streak he was called for, Toothless shot to the door and pounded on it. _We've got to go!_

"What's the matter, bull-headed dragon...?" Stoick sleepily grumbled from his room, and Toothless was tired of waiting.

He launched a plasma blast at the front door, and once it was nothing but smoldering embers, it was much easier to break through. Toothless burst from the house and streaked through the village, following the sound of Hiccup's cries. _ Don't worry, I'm coming. I'm on my way. Just like always. _

It didn't take long to find Hiccup, running out of the woods, and the boy nearly tripped over himself in his relief. _ It's okay, it's okay. I'm here now... _"Toothless! Oh, gods, Toothless..." He threw his arms around the dragon's neck and collapsed to the ground, while Toothless crooned and warbled out an endless series of questions that were never answered.

_What happened? Are you hurt? Why are you crying? _ Hiccup wasn't merely crying, he was _sobbing_. He gripped Toothless like he thought the world was ending, and his cries seemed to indicate he thought exactly that. The boy's hair and clothes were rumpled, and small articles like a belt and a boot were missing.

And he reeked of fear and despair, the tangible presence of raw emotion was almost unbearable. "Hiccup? Hiccup, please wait!"

_Astrid! _ Thank goodness, Astrid would be able to make things right. _ What happened? Are you hurt, too? He needs our help! _ Because while Toothless couldn't pinpoint an exact injury, Hiccup most certainly needed _help._

But Hiccup froze when he heard the girl's voice, and pulled away to look Toothless in the eyes. "Get me out of here, bud," he begged, and the fear and desperation were too compelling to refuse.

_Okay, okay. Whatever you need._ It made no sense to Toothless, but none of this did, and he just wanted his friend to feel safe again. In seconds, Hiccup was in the saddle and they took off, with no care for the girl down below or the still not fully repaired tail that kept them airborne. The contraption held together enough to get them into the air, but Toothless could feel it straining against the wind, and on his back, Hiccup was just as fragile. "Faster," the boy kept pleading, "Let's just go, get away from here..."

And Toothless did his best, not knowing what else to do, streaking across the sky with all the speed he could muster despite knowing full well it was foolish to be pushing the makeshift tail. It had served it's purpose in a time of emergency, but now needed to be torn down and repaired properly. No one would make such incomplete repairs on a piece of equipment and decide that was fine for daily use.

And yet, Hiccup was fraying and falling apart before everyone's eyes, he was put back together with rushed and shoddy workmanship and then everyone stepped back and decided that was good enough, there was no reason to go back to the beginning and build him up properly. Neither he nor the tail fin could be expected to hold up under pressure, and it was just a matter of time before they hit the breaking point.

Toothless felt the pedal shift, felt the gears and cogs turning, and he felt the exact second where the tiny, improvised pieces slipped out of place. The tail fin refused to respond properly, and Toothless and Hiccup went spiraling towards the earth. Hiccup pounded, kicked and pulled at the apparatus and Toothless tried to muscle his way through it, but gravity won it's battle, and the two crashed onto the beach of a small island, bouncing a few times and kicking up torrents of sand.

_Hiccup? Are you all right? _was Toothless' first thought upon righting himself, and when he looked a few feet off, Hiccup didn't seem especially injured. But Toothless still checked him over and offered a few apologetic licks, while Hiccup's mind still seemed back on Berk. "What's wrong with me, Toothless? Gods, what's_ wrong_ with me!"

Toothless had no answers, only questions, but he persuaded Hiccup to follow him to a nearby cave where they could build a fire, shake off some of the sand and get to the bottom of this. Hiccup followed, but dragged his feet, despondent and hopeless like a lost lamb. _A lost, sarcastic, self-loathing little lamb..._

But the cave was not as empty as Toothless hoped. As soon as they entered, Toothless heard the sound of a Nadder's spikes extending, and quickly shoved Hiccup before they were shot.

_Get out of here!_ A dragon's voice threatened, and Toothless bristled in defense until Hiccup put a hand on his head.

"Calm down, bud. It sounds hurt."

_You're hurt! _Toothless wanted to scream. _You're crying and screaming and scaring me to death, Hiccup! Just leave the Nadder alone and focus on yourself! _But Hiccup didn't listen, and just inched his way closer to the giant beast that hissed and raised it's spiky tail all the more threateningly.

"It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to help." Hiccup had a way with dragons, no matter who they were. He could slip through their defenses or make them take all those walls down, just with his gentle eyes and outstretched hand. Toothless would never really know just how Hiccup could speak to them so well with hardly a word, but that boy could endear himself to any dragon, no matter how feral.

And even with obvious pain in this Nadder's eyes to cloud it's reason, the dragon relaxed a tiny fraction and allowed Hiccup contact. The boy almost seemed mesmerized by the feel of dragon scales under his palms, and Toothless would have felt jealous if petting the dragon didn't seem to be somewhat therapeutic for Hiccup. As the Nadder grew more comfortable, Hiccup's own tension seemed to be drifting away.

_What am I going to do with you, Hiccup? _ Toothless sighed to himself, watching the boy revert to an almost believable facsimile of himself. There was still a buried terror in his eyes, a small skittishness in the way he reacted to sounds, but if anyone from Berk were to see Hiccup now, they'd just assume he was nervous about the Nadder. _I can't help you when we're by ourselves. You need to let someone else see that you're hurt!_

But to be completely fair, Hiccup had let them see. He fought with Stoick and his words were more revealing than ever, he had honest conversations with Astrid and even their other, clueless friends had managed to pull some vulnerability from Hiccup. But for some reason, no one saw what Toothless saw, or realized how important it was. Toothless saw blood and gouges where others saw a stubbed toe. _ What am I going to do?_

"It's his leg, look at this!" Hiccup motioned for Toothless to come over. There was a deep wound there, but it was small, and seemed to be several years old. It had never completely healed, and was now infected and inflamed. There were even some teeth marks, as if the Nadder had once attempted to gnaw the injured leg off. "I think that's part of an arrow stuck in there."

_Yes, _Toothless followed Hiccup's pointing, _It's so deep in there I can barely see it. _ Hiccup's fingers ghosted over the skin near the wound and the Nadder flinched.

_Don't touch it! _He barked out, and Toothless growled a little. Yes, the other dragon was in pain, but the Night Fury's loyalties were still to Hiccup.

"He must have been shot a long time ago," Hiccup mused, "But with the arrow still stuck in there, he couldn't really heal." For years, the offending particle remained nestled in the flesh, felt with every movement and twisting deeper with every day... "We need to help him, but I can't do it here. If we can get him back to the Academy-"

_Oh, no! I'm not going anywhere with you, human! _ The Nadder shrieked, and all the spikes on his tail stood up. Toothless shoved Hiccup behind him and bared his teeth.

_Hurt him and that leg will be the least of your problems! _he shouted back. But Hiccup forced his way back to the Nadder's side.

"I know you're hurt, but we can help you," he promised. "Back home, we have tools and medicine to get that thing out. You'll be back on your feet in no time!" When the Nadder still looked skeptical, Hiccup shook his left leg and laughed. "Yeah, I'm not the picture of confidence, there. But you don't have to be in pain anymore. I can help you get better." Again, Hiccup reached out his hand and stroked the Nadder's nose, then began roaming all over the scaly skin.

The other dragon was almost trembling, and Toothless could see the horrible pain he was concealing and how Hiccup's strokes soothed it just a tiny bit. _This human, you trust him? _

_With my life. _ There was no hesitation in Toothless' answer. _He'd never hurt anyone. He helped me to fly after I was injured. And he helped defend us from the nest leader who ate her kind. _ The Nadder jerked his head at that, looking at Hiccup in a new light.

_Why would a human care for the affairs of dragons?_

_He's ours, and we're his, _Toothless explained with simplicity. _We share the same home, and our struggles are his struggles. Just like his are mine. _ Even if Toothless wasn't sure how to be so helpful in those struggles lately.

But it seemed to satisfy the Nadder, and he let Hiccup run around and make plans to transport the dragon back to Berk. As Toothless' tail fin had finally given up the ghost, the plan involved making a raft and having Toothless beat his wings to create wind for the sail, and Hiccup dashed out into the moonlight to begin gathering materials for the project.

For such an ingenious boy, this did not prove difficult, but Toothless chased after Hiccup and eventually forced him to stop. _Hey, just give me five minutes,_ he ordered, nudging wood and rope out of Hiccup's hands. _Tell me what's going on with you. _ Because Toothless refused to accept the facade Hiccup put up, the lie that he was "good enough, no need to waste any more time here". His friend was in pain, he needed help, and even if Toothless had no idea how to make things better, he was determined to at least acknowledge that there was a problem. Hiccup tried to avoid the dragon, but eventually his arms fell to his sides.

"We'll have to go back to Berk," he said in a hollow voice, the events of the night finally catching up and breaking through the urgency of helping the Nadder. "I'll have to face her sometime, right?"

_What happened? _Toothless licked his rider and tried to sound comforting. _Just tell me. I want to help you. _ He wrapped his wing around Hiccup and pulled the boy close, and eventually Hiccup settled into a sitting position, leaning all his weight against Toothless.

"I don't even know what happened, I just..." Hiccup sighed and buried his face into Toothless' scales. "I thought it would fix everything. Because Astrid is wonderful, and she loves me... I don't even know why, but she does, and..." With one hitch of his voice, the tears came. "... I thought she could make me feel that, you know... loved. Normal. Not broken." As if by the turn of a dial, Hiccup now sobbed freely and clutched at Toothless. "But I couldn't even... What's wrong with me? _What's wrong with me?_"

_I don't know. _Toothless wrapped his wings more closely around. _Please don't cry, no one's going to hurt you. You _are_ loved, and normal, and we'll find a way to make it right._

He promised that, but Hiccup just continued to wail. "Everything's so messed up... What am I supposed to do?" Toothless wasn't sure. He had no more power to fix Hiccup than he could his own tail, and both were now shattered on the beach.

In time, Hiccup's sobs died down and his focus returned to the injured Nadder. Helping someone else distracted the boy from his own problems, and soon, they had a raft and a sail to float back to Berk. It wasn't the smoothest trip, but the crash hadn't been too far from home and some emergency ingenuity could get them all back to safety. For now, Hiccup was patched up and Toothless could travel.

But he knew a simple patch job wouldn't be enough. It was only a matter of time before it all fell apart again.


	10. Open Wounds

If there was one thing Fishlegs couldn't be accused of, it was being nosy. He'd always been curious and thirsty for knowledge, but he'd learned very early where to go hunting for his answers. You could ask any questions you wanted with books, but people weren't so open and willing to be read. Some topics were meant to be ignored.

In that same way, Fishlegs didn't consider himself very brave. Sure, he'd fight alongside his fellow Vikings and put out fires back in the days of dragon raids, but he didn't consider it such an act of bravery when everyone supported what you did. To use a suddenly very relevant example, it would be rare indeed for Fishlegs to fly in the face of centuries of warfare and try to pet a dragon in front of the assembled village.

Not that Fishlegs _never_ defied the norm, but he didn't have a lot of the kind of bravery that, say, Hiccup had, and Fishlegs was okay with that. He liked life to be comfortable, he liked to feel loved and appreciated, and as a child who was slightly different from the average Viking, his choice was very clear. He could fight against the world, as Hiccup did, or he could learn to live within it. He'd chosen the latter, and that meant accepting his place in the hierarchy- not first, but certainly not least- and turning a blind eye to things outside of his chores or books.

He'd admit it was a more cowardly way of living, but unlike Hiccup, Fishlegs didn't have to wait fifteen years to be happy. From a survival standpoint, he had no regrets, but now that his parent's world was becoming his, Fishlegs did regret that he hadn't been a better friend.

But it was precisely because of his cowardice and willingness to avoid nosy questions that Fishlegs was having such a dilemma now. He'd woken up to a village alight with rumors, and it was getting harder with every minute to tune it out. "I saw it, I tell you! Those kids ran right past me, Hiccup was screaming like Fenrir himself was out there!"

Some commotion had gone down in the night, and apparently Fishlegs was the only one to sleep through it. "That Night Fury nearly burned the chief's house down just to rescue him!"

"Found some of their clothes out in the woods, no guesses what they were up to..." Fishlegs was content to let these comments go by. They were none of his business, but Hiccup still hadn't returned, and speculation was running rampant. "You don't think Astrid would...? I mean, Hiccup's such a thin, fragile thing..."

"Something scared him off, we all know that boy's not afraid of a dragon." Every time Fishlegs felt the urge to add his two cents, he remembered that his advice was usually unwanted and getting involved just made his life difficult.

But ignoring rumors was a lot harder now than when he was a kid. "Ah, Hiccup can take care o' himself! Bet Astrid started talking marriage and spooked him. She'll drag him back and make a man o' him before the day is out!"

"Right, who in their right mind turns away from a Valkyrie?"

"If you ask me, Hiccup's been givin' more attention to tha' dragon o' his than the lassies, if you get my meanin'..." Fishlegs wanted so badly to bury his head in the sand, but there was nowhere to hide from it. He wanted the village to decide to do something, or nothing, so he could follow orders and not feel so confused and torn.

But even the Dragon Riders were too divided for Fishlegs to conform to a side. "I'll kill her!" Ruffnut raged, strangely affected by the rumors of Hiccup's apparent misfortune. This protective side of Ruffnut was kind of endearing, if violent. "I'll pound her face in with her own dragon!" Tuffnut cheered his approval of mauling Astrid, while Snotlout staunchly defended their friend.

"Come on, babe-"

"Don't call me that!"

"Hiccup probably wanted it-"

"Are you _serious?_"

"I mean, Astrid's not that kind of jerk! He was probably screaming about something else!" Snotlout yelled back, red-faced at being misinterpreted. "There could be anything out there!"

"Like what?" There was a possibility that something dangerous lurked in the woods, and it made Fishlegs shiver to think of it. Maybe they'd run from some new species of dragon, or evil creature? No one had been able to talk to Astrid, as she'd spent most of the night searching for Hiccup with Stormfly, or cooped up in her house, refusing all visitors. The one time Fishlegs saw her face, she'd been closer to tears than he'd ever thought he'd see.

"Astrid does look really worried about him," Tuffnut offered his opinion. "Do heartless bastards usually worry about people?"

"They do when they know I'm going to break their face!"

Snotlout threw his hands in the air. "All you can think about is Astrid, when we should be out looking for Hiccup!"

"Oh, yeah, bring him back so Astrid can just drag him into the woods again!"

"We don't know that's what happened!"

Ruffnut whirled her fierce gaze on Fishlegs, and while the sight usually made his heart beat fast in a pleasant way, now he was terrified. "You haven't said anything yet. What do you think we should do?" Fishlegs didn't want to give an opinion. He didn't even want to _have _an opinion, just wanted to sit in the corner with his book and babble about dragons until people took their conflict elsewhere. That was how he'd always lived, he knew what people wanted from him and what they didn't, and what he didn't want to be a part of. This didn't affect him, it was none of his business...

But Ruffnut, his princess, wanted to go maim Astrid, while Snotlout, his friend, wanted to go find their other friend, Hiccup. Hiccup wasn't the spot that Berk used to sweep under rugs, now he was the guy Fishlegs kissed up to, and people cared that he was missing. To do nothing would be taking as much of a stand as picking a side.

"I, uh, I agree with Snotlout." Hiccup could clear up the whole mess if he were around, and if he was hurt, he needed a rescue. "Rescuing people is one of our jobs at the Dragon Academy, right?"

Ruffnut rolled her eyes. "We can have a rescue mission of breaking Astrid's arm!" Soon, the other three were back to yelling, and Fishlegs was starting to feel queasy in his stomach. The way this was going, he was sure to develop an ulcer.

He didn't actually think Astrid had done something to Hiccup. Fishlegs trusted her, and thought he knew her as well as his other friends. But the whole mystery was suspicious and unsolved, and it made him nervous and sick to think about it. So he left his bickering friends to walk down to the Dragon Academy. Meatlug would be there, she always made Fishlegs feel better, and then they could maybe fly around and look for Hiccup.

But when Fishlegs arrived, he was surprised at what he saw. "_Hiccup?_"

Hiccup and Toothless were in the center of the ring, along with a Deadly Nadder that Fishlegs didn't recognize. The other dragons were all out of their pens and everyone was either watching over or tending to this injured newcomer with seemingly no awareness of the uproar in the village.

"Not so loud, Fishlegs," Hiccup warned as the Nadder's tail spikes were up and on full alert. "He's still a little nervous. Don't worry, Thundercry, the big, furry guy's a friend," he then said to the dragon, who'd apparently been given a name already.

"Have you been here the whole time?" No one thought to check the Academy, not with eyewitness accounts of Hiccup leaving the island with Toothless.

"Huh? I've been here since the sun rose, I guess." Hiccup ground up a bunch of leaves with a mortar and pestle, still unconcerned by Fishlegs' bewilderment. But despite his casual tone and ignorance of the situation, there was a tension in Hiccup's frame that reminded Fishlegs of a captured dragon. "Toothless and I found this guy while flying last night. We brought him back here to treat his injuries."

"Injuries?" Fishlegs was happy to be side-tracked, and leaned over Thundercry's leg with curiosity. "That looks bad. What happened?"

"Not sure. It's pretty old." Hiccup finished grinding up the leaves and added a bit of water to make a paste. "There's a chunk of arrow stuck in there, so once the others show up, we're going to fill this guy up with Dragon Nip and Gothi's pain leaves and try to take it out." He smeared the paste over the dragon's wound, and while the beast let out a burst of flame, it soon quieted down. "Yeah, that feels better, doesn't it, bug guy?"

Fishlegs looked at the wound and frowned. "What if we can't get it out?" The shaft was buried so deep that it could barely be seen. Could they even reach it without damaging the rest of the leg?

Hiccup was nonchalant. "Then, I guess the leg has to go. He can't live with this much pain, it's killing him." The Deadly Nadder went stiff as a board. "Don't worry! Last resort, I promise!" Hiccup patted away the dragon's agitation. "You'll be flying again soon, everything's going to be fine."

A noise from outside caught Fishlegs' attention, like a person running up the path, and he realized he'd been distracted from the issue at hand. Not that he was so eager to return to it, though. "Hiccup, we've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Why? We always meet here for Dragon Training."

"No, I mean the whole village is looking, your dad's worried sick!" Hiccup frowned and seemed calm, but began inching closer to Thundercry, almost as if trying to hide behind a security blanket. There was nervousness in his eyes, and Toothless was quickly at Hiccup's elbow in a show of support.

"Why is everyone so worried?" he asked suspiciously, but the sound of running footsteps grew louder, and suddenly Astrid burst into the arena.

"Stormfly? Stormfly, we- Hiccup?!" Hiccup shot up with wild eyes, tense limbs and absolutely no blood left in his face. Astrid ran to Hiccup and actually gave Fishlegs a light shove out of the way, her face a strange combination of fear and relief. "Where have you _been_? I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Hiccup didn't answer. For awhile, it didn't appear that he could. He just opened and closed his mouth like a fish while his eyes grew larger and larger. Finally, he choked out, "Gods, Astrid, I'm so sorry! Sorry about last night, I'm so sorry..."

"Hey, hey, calm down! It's fine!" Astrid fussed and took Hiccup's hand, and Fishlegs decided to go pet the Deadly Nadder because he was starting to feel like an intruder.

Astrid succeeded in calming Hiccup and she brushed his hair out of his eyes. "I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about you. Are you okay?"

Hiccup's reply came after a long pause. "I don't think I was ever okay..." The conversation continued, and Fishlegs just focused on the Dragon Nip in his hands. His mother called him a sensitive soul, and maybe Fishlegs was, but there were so many things he didn't feel. Too many things he couldn't allow himself to feel. He couldn't afford to feel bad or get bouts of righteous fury for someone else, because as strong as Fishlegs was, he couldn't really win a fight against some of his peers. He recognized the hypocrisy in kissing up to Hiccup the Great Dragon Trainer after a lifetime of laughing at Hiccup the Useless with Snotlout and the twins, but that was how everyone on Berk was. Fishlegs was just being smart, and intelligence was more appreciated than sentiment, more useful.

Until Hiccup changed the criteria for 'normal' Vikings, Fishlegs buried his poetic inclinations and love of beauty, but that was nothing compared to the feelings he still squelched. After all, how could he live in this world if he got all emotional every time an adult brought up how awesome the other kids were compared to him? If he got affected every time people talked about Hiccup and Stoick, _he'd_ be the one sticking out, and what was he going to do, tell everyone they were wrong?

Stuff happened, stuff that wasn't his business, and Fishlegs couldn't feel too bad about it because feelings led to questions and actions, neither of which he had the bravery for. Don't be too nosy, that was the motto that had gotten him where he was. Pick and choose your battles, mind your own business and let people deal with their own problems. Hiccup was the kind of person who changed the world, and Fishlegs was the kind of person who could thrive in any world.

But he saw and heard what was going on, anyway. There were some things no one could ignore. "I'm sorry, Hiccup, I put all this pressure on you-"

"No, you didn't. It's not your fault, I should have been more honest about what was really going on..."

There was a pause before Astrid asked her next question. "So, what was going on?" Meatlug waddled over to Fishlegs and accepted a belly rub while Hiccup mumbled out his reply. "Can we not do this in front of Fishlegs?" Suddenly, both sets of eyes were on him and he felt like an eavesdropper.

But it didn't last long, as Ruffnut and Tuffnut soon descended upon the scene. "There she is! Get her, Tuff!" Tuffnut actually ran up and body-checked Astrid, though he regretted it immediately. "Bad idea, ow! She's covered in spikes, terrible idea!"

But with Astrid out of the way, Ruffnut ran to Hiccup. "Why didn't you call me for help?" she cried, almost betrayed.

Hiccup just blinked. "Help? Ruff, I'm fine."

"Oh, yeah right! Nobody believes that!" she yelled, while Snotlout sauntered up more casually. "Even Snot doesn't. The whole village knows what happened!"

If possible, Hiccup's face got even paler. "What do you mean, the village _knows?_" He shot a terrified look at Astrid, who could only look away.

"I guess all the, uh, shouting last night got people's attention..."

"And now everyone thinks Astrid offended your maiden virtue," Tuffnut added helpfully from the ground. Hiccup looked ready to dig a hole and bury himself alive.

"No, no, no..." he moaned, hands digging into his hair in his usual, comical way, but then he took on a bitter laugh. "No, offended my _ego_, maybe, but that virtue's just fine..." He deflated and stood up with a helpless face. "I'm so sorry, Astrid."

"Don't worry, it's not important right now."

"Hey, dont' apologize to her spikiness!" Ruffnut jumped in front of Hiccup and cracked her knuckles. "I got this, Hiccup, I'll avenge your honor!"

"Woah, Ruff! Get a grip! We didn't do any-I mean, uh- my honor doesn't need to be avenged, really!"

Snotlout, who had been following the whole conversation in a sort of dumbfounded stupor now had a grin creeping across his face. "So... Hiccup's still a virgin?"

Hiccup froze for a second, before throwing up his arms in exasperated futility. "Surprise!"

Astrid walked over and kicked Snotlout to end his giggling. "Oh, like you all aren't."

That revealed, the twins looked back and forth between Hiccup and Astrid, identically confused. "So, if Astrid didn't attack Hiccup, then what happened?" _Finally_, Fishlegs couldn't help but think, though he had to remind himself to stay out of it. Still, it was a relief to know Astrid wasn't the bad guy, and whatever weirdness had gone down last night, Hiccup seemed mostly all right.

Except he wasn't. Hiccup hadn't been exactly 'all right' for a long time, but that was none of Fishlegs' business. Fixing it would mean confronting Hiccup and a bunch of other people, and if he didn't want to talk about it, Fishlegs wouldn't pry. "Yeah, why'd you fly off, then?"

"Nothing I want to discuss with you guys," Hiccup huffed. "Meanwhile, has anyone but Fishlegs noticed the big, injured dragon?" Fishlegs winced, now the center of focus, and he stroked Thundercry's nose to calm it down, the dragon not caring for all these heavily armored Vikings and their loud voices. The fighting was making it nervous.

"Guys, you need to stop yelling," Fishlegs offered timidly, and Hiccup looked grateful. It wasn't just the dragons who were getting uneasy.

"Yes, thank you, Fishlegs. You guys are scaring Thundercry, and he's been through enough already." The topic shifted to the Deadly Nadder's plight and how Hiccup planned to treat it, but Hiccup never quite moved out of the spotlight.

The teens set to work, but the previous conversation continued as they hovered around the dragon. "We need to talk, Hiccup."

"I know, but not now," Hiccup muttered back at Astrid, trying to be under his breath but everyone heard anyway. "Let's help Thundercry first."

"You should at least tell your dad you're back." This time it was Snotlout, whispering to keep up the charade. "He's been really worried."

"It can wait till after this." Hiccup went to get more Dragon Nip and everyone followed him around like little ducks. "Guys, the dragon?"

Fishlegs immediately jumped back to rubbing paste into the wound after the rebuke, but the others just crowded around Hiccup. "You look tired, Hiccup. Maybe you should take a rest."

"Yeah, we can take care of Thundercry."

"I don't need a rest, I'm fine," Hiccup whined, but no one seemed to listen.

"Why'd you freak out in the first place? You and Toothless woke up most of the village."

"If you won't talk to me, you should at least talk to your dad."

"I don't need a rest, I don't need to talk to my dad, could you all quit bugging me and just worry about the dragon?"

There was a pause while everyone looked at each other, but then soon shuffled back to their assigned tasks. "Sure," Astrid said with a small bit of bite. "Sorry we tried to worry about you. That was dumb of us."

"Astrid..."

"I guess it was a waste of time to stay up all night looking for you, too. I mean, thinking it was my fault and wanting to apologize? What was I thinking?"

"That's not what I meant, and it's not your fault," he sighed. "Just drop it for now. Please?"

"Guys, I think the leg's getting pretty numb," Fishlegs interrupted, feeling uncomfortable with the secondary drama. He poked Thundercry's leg a bit. "He isn't flinching."

"All right, let's give this a try..." Snotlout and Hiccup crept up with a knife and a pair of tongs, while Astrid joined Fishlegs in trying to keep the Nadder calm. "There's the arrow. We need to open up the wound just a little so we can get it out..." The whole arena fell into silence, human and dragon watching the process with interest and baited breath. For a few minutes, the only sounds were groans and whimpers from Thundercry.

"Hang in there, just a little longer," Fishlegs soothed, and Meatlug also offered some reassuring gurgles, while Hiccup and Snotlout continued their work.

"I've got a good grip, but I can't pull it out," Hiccup grunted, finally offering the tongs to Snotlout. "You're the stronger one, maybe you should try."

"You all heard that, right? He said I'm the stronger one!"

"And all along I had them fooled," Hiccup said sarcastically. "Ruff, Tuff, help me hold his leg still." The three piled on to restrain the dragon and everybody waited while Snotlout worked the tongs.

The moment of success was felt and heard, rather than seen. Thundercry gave an ear-piercing shriek that lived up to his name, and shook every last teen off as it leaped to it's feet, only for the wounded leg to buckle under his weight. Spines also shot through the air, and it was some time before they were able to calm the poor dragon down again. "It's okay, it's okay! I know it hurts, but we got it out, see?" Snotlout proudly held up the tongs and the chunk of broken arrow that was pulled. "It's only going to get better from here..."

They lured the Nadder to an empty pen and made it as comfortable as possible, and with some lulling and a hefty amount of Dragon Nip, Thundercry eventually went to sleep. "Once all the painkillers wear off, it's going to be agony," Hiccup commented, fussing through their first aid supply. "And we're going to need to clean the wound regularly so it doesn't get infected."

"Yeah, we'll do all that, don't worry." Astrid took Hiccup's hand and led him away. "We can take care of it. You should go home and tell your dad you're not dead."

There was a dread on Hiccup's face that caught Fishlegs' attention, but he tried to ignore it. None of his business. "And take a nap! You look like you're about to collapse!" It made sense that Hiccup would look tired, he'd been out all night rescuing the Deadly Nadder. And if he'd had some sort of personal argument with Astrid, then of course he'd be embarrassed and stressed. It all made sense.

But at the same time, it didn't. "Thanks, I think I'll just stay here with Thudnercry for a bit, though."

"Why? Think we can't handle it, or something?"

"You still haven't told us what happened last night!" Tuffnut broke in, though Hiccup just rolled his exhausted, bloodshot eyes.

"And why should I tell you about all my failed dates?"

"Hey, you were screaming bloody murder, the whole village heard you. Toothless busted up your house," Snotlout stepped up, and now the group of teens were nearly surrounding their friend. "If it's not 'cause of Astrid, then you need to tell us what's out there."

"And tell everyone that Astrid's not a psycho axe-murderer," Ruffnut agreed, back to being friendly now that Astrid had been more or less exonerated.

But Hiccup just shifted his feet and looked uncomfortable. "Guys, it's nothing you need to worry about, okay? There's no danger in the woods, it's nothing Astrid did, and it's nothing I want to talk about." He backed up a little, breathing more quickly. "Really, you can all calm down, it's fine."

"Take you own advice, dude," Snotlout commented, frowning at Hiccup's agitation. Fishlegs squirmed and finally decided to speak up.

"You know, it's been a weird morning, so maybe we could all take a break and-"

"Hiccup, you can't just freak out like that and pretend nothing's wrong!" Astrid cried, ignoring Fishlegs completely. Growling on the sidelines, Toothless seemed to agree with her, and the rest of the dragons were also watching the conversation with intensity. "Do you have any idea how scared we were? You've got to talk to somebody! At least tell the chief-"

"I can't tell my dad, are you crazy?" Hiccup squeaked, and he waved his arms wildly, "No, you guys are making way too big a deal of this! Everything's fine! Just leave me alone!" Hiccup finished his rant like one might finish running up a flight of stairs, and he pushed past the group to sit down on an empty crate, breathing heavily and sweating. "Just back off, okay?"

Fishlegs wanted to just take Hiccup's word and abandon the whole thing. A few years ago, he would have. But now, the other dragon riders were grabbing boxes and crates of their own to form a circle around Hiccup, and it was easier to confront someone as part of a crowd. Fishlegs joined his friends, and the dragons nestled in around them while Hiccup looked increasingly more uncomfortable.

He kept his focus on Toothless, scratching his scales while Tuffnut cleared his throat. "So, I know it's the village tradition to not talk about stuff and then gossip about it when they think no one hears them," he said with a bit of concern. "But you're, like, really not okay."

"I'm fine," Hiccup began, but Astrid cut him off.

"No, you're not." The boy was silent. "You have to tell someone what's going on. If not us, then your dad." Still, Hiccup said nothing. "Would you rather it was just you and me?"

"Why do you all care so much?" Hiccup finally snapped. "I'm sorry I screwed up, Astrid, but that's what I do! I mess stuff up, I'm useless, this isn't anything new!" He glared at each of them as his rant picked up more steam. "It wasn't so long ago that you guys made fun of me and shoved me around! No one in this town would have been worried about me, they'd be complaining to my dad that I'd disturbed their sleep, tell me to shut up because Astrid's beautiful and I'm just lucky they still feed me and save my sorry hide from dragon raids, what could I possibly have to cry about?"

Astrid's face went pink while everybody else just stared at Hiccup's opened rage. "Because Vikings don't cry, right? Real men aren't scared of anything, they don't have toothpicks for arms and they don't need a whole village to coddle them just because they got a little _emotional_! And I'm suddenly something special to you guys? I train dragons and I'm not useless, so now they all care? I'm supposed to tell you all my fears and personal stuff until I become Hiccup the Screw Up again and you all ditch me?"

"Hey, you've _always_ been a screw up! I never stopped thinking that. You were always a mess," Snotlout grinned lazily, shocking Hiccup to a stop. Once the boy was quiet, the grin deepened. "Don't see us running away, do you?"

Fishlegs was about to chastise Snotlout, but Hiccup surprised them all by burying his head in his hands and laughing. It was painful laughter, but there was a hint of relief to it. "Oh, Gods, my life is so messed up!"

"Hey, we liked messed up things!" Ruffnut offered, and Tuffnut nodded beside her. "Don't worry, Hiccup, we're gonna fix you."

"Sweet Thor," the poor boy whined through his chuckles, while Astrid and Toothless slid on either side and wrapped an arm and a wing around him. "I don't know what's wrong with me, it's nothing, really. I should just let it go..."

"Let what go?" Fishlegs asked in spite of himself. "What's-" But he stopped when he heard voices approaching.

"I couldn't find any of the kids, but I'll bet my undies that dragon screeching came from the Academy."

"Great, one more disaster to worry about." Stoick and Gobber, not far from the gates and getting closer with every step.

Hiccup was a wreck. "No, no, no! I can't... I can't talk to him now!" He tried to get up and run away, but ended up just pacing in circles. "Please get him out of here, please!" Fishlegs could only stare at this frenzied, somewhat unbalanced version of Hiccup. What could he be so afraid of?

"Hiccup, it's your dad, maybe he can help-"

"I don't care!" Hiccup cried, looking like he would burst into tears any second. "I can't deal with him now, I- Urgh, I never should have come back!"

"Get a grip, okay? Hiccup!" Fishlegs wasn't a nosy person. If it weren't for the others interfering, he'd have been content to let Hiccup cover up his problems and never give them a thought. If they hadn't put Hiccup in charge of Dragon Training, he wouldn't even be friends with Hiccup now.

Fishlegs didn't think that made him a bad person, just a weak one, and he was okay with being a little weak. Berk had plenty of strong Vikings, and he was happy to meet the average requirement and be happy, have one or two people in his life he cared for and only one or two ambitions worth fighting for. He met everybody's expectations with very little effort and could enjoy the rest of his time studying and playing with Meatlug, laughing and flying with his friends.

That was what was expected. That kind of thing kept him out of trouble, and a lifetime of living in the same village as Hiccup taught Fishlegs he didn't want trouble.

But he wasn't a kid anymore. He broke away from the group and ran to the front of the Academy, shutting the gates just before Gobber and Stoick arrived. "Fishlegs? What's going on? We heard a dragon screaming-" The chief then saw past Fishlegs and his whole tone changed. "Hiccup? Mother of Thor, have you been here all this time?"

"Hiccup's fine, sir," Fishlegs tried not to squeak. He felt nervous, but strangely determined. Was this what it felt like to be brave? He locked the doors to the Academy from the inside. "We've been dealing with a sick Nadder, but it's going to be fine."

"Ah, is _that_ what all the trouble's been? Just a rouge dragon!" Gobber said with obvious relief, while Stoick's tone lived up to his name.

"Why are you locking the doors, Fishlegs?" To be honest, Fishlegs wasn't sure. He just suddenly had a thought that he needed to keep everything else out for five seconds, because a lot of Hiccup's crazed tantrum actually made sense in a sick way and this was so much bigger than some lover's quarrel and all the things he'd learned living in his parent's world were useless to him now that he was trying to be a man.

"Hiccup's fine, sir," Fishlegs repeated and hoped the chief wouldn't try to force his way in. He was pretty sure Stoick could bust through solid iron if he felt like it. "We're all with him, and he'll come out when he's ready."

"What? Hiccup!" Stoick called, and Fishlegs didn't miss Hiccup's flinch or desperate looks. "What's this all about?"

"Everything's fine, just Dragon Academy stuff," Fishlegs said, only slightly lying. This affected all of them, now. "We'll come back when we're ready." He walked back to the group, ignoring Gobber and Stoick's questions, and especially ignoring the way the other Dragon Riders stared at him.

Eventually Stoick and Gobber left, and the teens and dragons were left to themselves. "Thank you, Fishlegs," Hiccup exhaled, grateful and calm. Fishlegs couldn't be sure if he'd done the smart thing, but Hiccup seemed appreciative.

So did Ruffnut. "Standing up to the chief, not bad, Fishlegs." Snotlout protested that it was hardly heroic, he hadn't defied a direct order, but Fishlegs felt justified all the same.

But now that he'd taken a decisive stand, everyone now looked to him. He sat back down and everyone followed suit, accepting Fishlegs as the leader of this new endeavor. "Um, so... it's just us, now." Awkward silence. "Anything you want to talk about?" Hiccup fumbled and fidgeted, but didn't speak a word, and everyone traded looks with each other. It wasn't like any of them really knew what to do. All they knew was that Hiccup needed them, needed their friendship, but no one was sure how to offer it. Something that should have come naturally was a mysterious skill, and Fishlegs found himself reaching out to Meatlug for comfort.

He could show affection to dragons; Hiccup taught him how. They'd learned how to be gentle, how to be humble, how to earn trust. The dragons taught them how to forgive, how to care about someone with no conditions, how to be loyal and affectionate. It was through the dragons that they'd learned to accept a friend who was a little different, and give love to someone without making them earn it.

Fishlegs couldn't help but feel these were lessons he should have learned from his parents first. "So, uh, when I was eight, we were all in the Great Hall celebrating Snoggletog..." All eyes turned to him, confused and bewildered. "I accidentally knocked over a few jugs and the crash scared me so bad I wet myself a little." Snotlout and the twins started snickering, and already Fishlegs regretting starting this tale. "Gobber was the only one who saw it was me, but I was so scared of him, I ran outside and hid in a snowdrift until the party was over. I was so embarrassed, I cried all night, but the next day, nobody even remembered the broken jugs."

"What's with the dumb story?" Snotlout laughed, while Ruffnut giggled away all that admiration Fishlegs had managed to win a few minutes earlier.

"It's just something you didn't know about me!" Fishlegs barked, but he tried to quell his irritation when he turned to Hiccup. Just like dragons, people needed to know they could trust you before you could get close. "Now tell us a story about you."

And this, it seemed, was the right approach. Hiccup bit his lip for a bit, squirmed a lot, but finally took a deep breath and said, "When I was six, my dad thought I'd stop being so puny if I just ate more. So he'd give me these heaping plates of food and if I finished one, he'd just replace it with another. I ate myself sick, but he looked so proud and determined that I could never tell him I was full. I couldn't even walk, I was so stuffed, and one day I finally threw up all over his shoe in front of a visiting tribe leader."

Snotlout and Hookfang both roared with laughter. "Aw, man, that's messed up!" he chortled, and Hiccup looked away.

"When I was twelve, everybody started to fill out, but I was still a twig," he continued, while Astrid gently slid her hand around his shoulders. "I thought eating more would help me bulk up, so I stuffed myself every night until I puked. I didn't mean to go overboard, but..." he sighed. "Dad just looked so happy to see me trying, and every time I threw up, I felt like I had to eat more to make up for it..." Astrid gripped his shoulder and all the laughter stopped. "I did gain a little weight, but one day I threw up blood and I couldn't look at food for days after that. Dad kept asking what was wrong with me, but I couldn't tell him that I'd messed one more thing up..." Everyone was quiet, with identical looks of awakening fear and confusion.

"He would have wanted to know what happened," Astrid tried, "I'm sure he didn't want you to push yourself that hard." Hiccup almost answered, but then stopped himself.

Tuffnut looked at his sister and kicked her a bit, probably meant as a comforting gesture. "Didn't somebody notice? What did the healer say when they saw you?"

"I didn't go to the healer," Hiccup admitted quietly. "There was no one around to see."

The sense of dread began to grow, and Fishlegs noticed that they'd unconsciously moved closer to each other, the dragons squishing in all the spaces to fill in the gaps. Suddenly, that locked door keeping the adults out felt so important, and the outside world seemed so threatening.

His mother once told him a story about boiling frogs. If you threw a frog into boiling water, it would just jump out. But if you left it in lukewarm water, and slowly turned up the heat, the frog would stay there until it died. Fishlegs had lived in Berk all his life and never felt anything was wrong. He didn't ask questions, he wasn't brave enough to challenge things.

But now that he was on the outside, he looked back and found the water too hot to handle. "That's not right," Fishlegs found himself saying. He was tired of ignoring all the rumors and opinions that went over his head, all the comments that someone should have rebutted but Fishlegs decided they were none of his business. Things were wrong, had been for a long time, but Hiccup was the brave one who challenged things and now Hiccup was broken. "Someone should have... well, you should have been able to tell us..." But they weren't friends back then. It was before they had dragons. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Hiccup said, then paused and looked up pointedly. "It's fine." His eyes were tentative and it was more of a question than a statement. "Because you thought I was useless back then... so that makes it all okay..." Fishlegs wanted to protest, he could see that every single one of them did, but one by one, they all closed their mouths and stared at Hiccup and each other with silent horror.

That was the wrongness eating at Fishlegs, the thing that made him queasy and want to go bury his nose in a book and quit asking questions, that this faulty, mangled Hiccup lived in Berk with them all their lives, being marginalized, ostracized and neglected...

...and it was okay.

"Guys," Snotlout whispered, "That's really messed up."

It was. And Fishlegs wasn't sure he could ignore it any more.


	11. Repairs

There was more to being a good chief than simply making sure the tribe was protected and fed. Meeting that bare minimum didn't make one a failure as chief, but it took much more effort to be considered a good one. A good chief was the face people could turn to when they needed answers, the helping hand that would get down in the dirt with them and plant their crops and be there when their children were given their names. The one who solved problems and remained brave in the face of adversity, while also being sympathetic to a person's plight and approachable in times of need.

The qualifications of fatherhood were much the same. Keeping a child protected and fed was the base requirement, and anyone who wouldn't try to meet that was a failure indeed. But a good father was expected to be more, and lately, Stoick didn't feel he was particularly good at either of his jobs.

Currently, his house sported a big, gaping hole where a door should be, courtesy of Toothless. A blanket kept out the draft for now, but it was hardly protection from the elements and Stoick would have to repair it soon. He liked to consider himself tough, but winter was coming, and a simple blanket wouldn't keep out the cold or keep in the heat. However, the repairs would not be as simple as throwing up a new door; Toothless had charred the walls around the door frame as well. It wasn't a hard task, but one that required thought and care, not haste.

That was one of the minor problems. The teenagers had practically moved in to the Dragon Academy, and while it wasn't the first time they'd spent a night or two there, there was a particular defiance that accompanied this occasion, and their parents noticed. For two days now, neither child nor dragon set foot out of the arena and let no one in save Gothi or the healer. Stoick was bombarded with concerned villagers, wondering just what was going on with their children.

Stoick couldn't be sure. Gobber was happy to believe the strange events of the past few days were all to do with an injured dragon Hiccup had found in the woods, and while Stoick let him spread that around, he wasn't sure that was the full story. True, without the boy's own account, there was no reliable source to discover why Hiccup had woken up the village with screams, but he doubted the problem was so easily explained.

Of course, he was afraid to put any stock in the rumors that had initially flown around, and was grateful that Gobber's idea of events was quieting all that down. But he couldn't ignore them, and it was his duty to confront Hiccup and Astrid to learn the truth. Whether he wore the mantle of chief or father, the issue had grown too large to be cast aside with simple reassurances.

But mostly, he just wanted to see his son. He masked his gratitude when the children, sans Hiccup, finally granted him entrance to the Academy. "What's the trouble with this dragon? You've been monitoring it round the clock, haven't seen hide nor hair of you." Admittedly, with the twins sequestered, Berk had never been quieter.

But the children shifted and looked behind them to where Hiccup sat with the Deadly Nadder. "The dragon isn't the real problem…"

Their unease only fueled Stoick's. He turned to Astrid with a stern face. "Hiccup? Is he all right?"

His heart broke when Astrid shook her head. "No, sir, he's not. And he's not the only one." In place of the young adults he knew, Stoick was now surrounded by the flock of scared little children they'd once been, cowering under a dragon-filled sky and looking to their chief for an example of bravery. "Everyone's waiting to see how you handle this." The others nodded their heads, a pleading terror buried underneath their cocky attitudes.

A tribe followed the example of its chief, just as a child followed the example of its father. But what if the man in question was stumbling in the dark? That's how Stoick felt, walking up and seating himself on a barrel beside his son. Hiccup gave him an acknowledging nod, but clearly Stoick was going to need to break the ice. "Haven't seen you for a few days. You had me worried."

"I, uh, got caught up in stuff."

"So I see…" The Deadly Nadder flinched a little while Hiccup fussed over it's wound. "What happened to the poor beast?"

"It had a hunk of arrow stuck in its leg. We took it out and tried to clean it, but it's not getting better." Hiccup's face was worried, and he watched the dragon as if sharing its pain. "It was a really old wound. He must have been suffering for years." Stoick clicked his tongue in sympathy and leaned in to rub the dragon's scales.

The wound stunk, and Stoick could see that deep in the interior, some of the flesh was green and rotting. "The healer says we might have to cut off the whole leg. It's just making him sick." Hiccup suddenly turned to his father, eyes wide and bright for all the wrong reasons. "But there's got to be a way to save it, right?"

Stoick had seen too many such wounds in his time to offer false hope. "I think we should trust the judgment of the healer."

Hiccup looked devastated, and looked down at his own limb. "I guess it's not the end of the world, but we got the arrow out. We cleaned it, we did everything we could..." He ran his fingertips along the Nadder's tail while taking a moment to pretend his eyes weren't misting up. "I wanted to save it. Doesn't he deserve that?"

"Of course," Stoick agreed, and he put a hand on Hiccup's shoulders, noting how tense they were. "I'm sure everyone's doing the best they can."

Hiccup nodded and fell into silence for a few seconds, but he spoke before Stoick could find a way to get the conversation started again. "You want to know what happened with Astrid, don't you?"

Stoick was relieved, but also awkward now that they'd come down to it. "You left a lot of questions behind you. It would ease my mind to have a few answers." When Hiccup wasn't forthcoming, Stoick lowered his voice, "If someone's done something to hurt you…"

"She didn't take advantage of me, if that's what you're thinking." Hiccup sounded annoyed, but Stoick was flooded with relief. He'd barely been able to process the thought of his boy, his little Hiccup, _violated_…

But something happened, and this dragon was only part of the story. "So what set you off screaming? Don't tell me it was nothing, I know you better than that." Hiccup looked at the ground and said nothing. "You're not in trouble, son. I'm just worried about you."

"I just..." There were several false starts. Stoick tried to bury his own nervousness to project an image of trustworthy comfort. He wanted Hiccup to be able to come to him with problems, even if Stoick wasn't sure he could handle the topic. Hiccup finally mumbled, "I wanted it to be special."

"Your night with Astrid?" Stoick rightfully guessed, and Hiccup's shoulders slumped.

"I planned out everything. It was supposed to be the best night of my life." Stoick's heart fell. He shouldn't have backed out of these serious discussions so easily. As a father, it was his duty to prepare his son for the facts of life, give him the tools necessary to make adult decisions. "I thought it would fix everything."

"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way," Stoick said kindly, and he risked putting a hand on Hiccup's shoulder. When the boy didn't flee like a skittish sheep, he continued, "That closeness is a beautiful thing, but it won't take the place of couples talking through their problems."

"I just wanted to feel what she feels. If I could," Hiccup's shoulders tensed under his father's hand, "I thought maybe everything would get better. I'd finally have something no one could take away." He paused for a second, then finished in a rush. "I wouldn't be worthless anymore."

"You're not worthless!" Stoick cried, shocked at the words. "Who told you that? Did Astrid-"

"Of course not! Astrid's the only good thing in my life! Well, and Toothless," Hiccup added, turning a bit red. "And, well, you..."

The fact that he was relegated to an afterthought didn't go unnoticed, but Stoick tried to set that aside. Teenagers were thoughtless creatures in times of crisis, and deserved some measure of blanket forgiveness. "Son, you've never been worthless. Don't let anyone tell you that. But being intimate with someone..." he awkwardly patted Hiccup's shoulder, wishing he had forced himself through these difficult conversations long before. "That by itself isn't going to kill your doubts. If you go in with those kinds of feelings, it'll just leave you empty."

"Yeah, well, lesson learned," Hiccup muttered, before groaning a little. "I didn't, um... I didn't actually go through with it. I couldn't... I couldn't even get _excited_..." His face was now bright red with shame, and the talking with his hands was more pronounced. "The harder I tried, the worse it got. I just couldn't... then suddenly, I couldn't breathe." Hiccup buried his face in his hands. "I just freaked out. It was crazy, I couldn't stop screaming about everything, scared Astrid half to death..."

This was worlds away from the conversation Stoick expected to be having. Should he be relieved that Hiccup had yet to take such a monumental step, one he clearly wasn't ready for? Or should he feel petrified by this new information? "What... ah, what had you so upset?"

"Nothing! Everything! I don't know..." Hiccup kept shrinking inwards, trying to make himself as small as possible. "I'm supposed to enjoy this, right? So why can't I just forget all..." He gestured at something undefinable. "...that, and let it go for one night? I just had to keep it together for a bit longer, and everything would have been fine!" But even as he said those words, Hiccup didn't seem to believe himself. His face fell. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Stoick had no useful insight. A lack of excitement, as Hiccup had put it, wasn't so uncommon, but he didn't know what to make of the screaming. "You're not, er, in any pain... down there?"

"No," Hiccup mumbled. He grabbed some ointment to rub into the Nadder's wounds, a physical distraction. "I dunno, I guess I feel... don't laugh, okay?"

"I'm not." Hiccup took a deep breath.

"Astrid's a lot stronger than I am, and that's scarey..." He paused to make sure he wasn't being mocked. "She gets it, we talk about that, so it's not like I'm really worried, but... relationships have to be equal, right? She's always the one who has to wait or hold back, she's the one who has to hold my hand and cheer me up when I'm moody, which is like, all the time now. I'm not really... useful," he finished a little helplessly. "I can't do anything for her."

"I doubt Astrid feels the same way," Stoick offered, but Hiccup just frowned.

"Astrid doesn't need me to validate her, she doesn't have years of emotional baggage to unpack," he listed off on his fingers, "She doesn't need to be protected by anyone, least of all me. I'm definitely not her strong, husky type, and lately I haven't been a whole lot of fun to be around." Hiccup shrugged his shoulders. "I've got to give her some reason to stick with this, right?"

Stoick didn't like where this was going. "Son, you shouldn't have to trade and barter for someone's affection." Did Astrid push Hiccup to this, making him feel he had to sleep with her to earn her love?

"Well, uh, that's another part of it..." Hiccup looked pained, like he was a child caught outside during a dragon raid and knew punishment was coming. "I've spent my whole life trying to make people care about me. Like, if I could just make all of them happy, I'd finally be happy, too." And by 'all of them' Hiccup meant 'my father.'

This was all Stoick's fault. "Hiccup, no, you never had to-"

Hiccup stepped around Stoick's interjection as if it never occurred, as if he hadn't said something monumental. "But Astrid never tried to change me, so I thought being with her would make everything right. I could stop worrying... Not like she's going to want me after I went all mental case on her."

There was so much to address, where did one even begin? "If she wasn't putting pressure on you, what was so frightening?"

"I don't know, it's kind of hard to pinpoint," Hiccup grumbled back. He set the dish of ointment on the ground and wiped his hands on his trousers. Every move he made seemed exhaustive, even his overly animated hands. "What kind of Viking can't make love to his girlfriend?"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." Was this a discussion they should be having with a healer? Stoick had heard of strange sicknesses, though they were not widely talked about. Broken hearts, encounters with dragons or other unexplainable wounds could leave a man changed in that way.

"Well, as long as nobody finds out, right?" Hiccup smirked, and he patted the Nadder's tail. "Don't you be blabbing your mouth, okay?" The stories the dragons could tell...

Of course, Hiccup seemed much more comfortable spilling these secrets in front of the dragon than his own father. He'd always been more comfortable with the dragons, and treated Toothless like a big, scaly brother. If only Stoick could compare notes with the Night Fury, it would be so much easier to understand Hiccup's mind.

Hiccup stood up. "We need more Dragon Nip. Looks like the pain is getting worse..." Stoick followed him over to a crate full of the grass and tried to puzzle this situation out. "I don't know how he endured that for so long..."

"It won't be much longer," Stoick reassured. "Gothi's trained the healers well, and no one knows more about dragons than you. He'll be feeling better in no time."

"Yeah," Hiccup agreed in a disappointed tone. "I just thought if we pulled the arrow out, he'd heal and go back to normal."

"Some wounds are more complicated than that." For example, whatever was ailing his son. Hiccup thrust his hands into the Dragon Nip and groaned.

"Why is my life so wrong?" he whined, before looking up to his father. "I know I messed up with Astrid, but... It's been years, it's over. Why can't I just let go of it?"

"Let go of what?"

"I don't know, just... one minute everything's normal, and then something happens and all the old stuff seeps through." Hiccup ran a hand through his hair, a blade of Dragon Nip catching and lingering. It made him look so young and vulnerable. "Like, she's kissing me halfway to Valhalla and then suddenly everything's made of nails."

A thought suddenly hit Stoick. "Son, have you thought, that is... You do enjoy the feel of a woman, don't you?" Should he have Gobber talk with the boy? Gobber was more knowledgeable about such things...

Hiccup gave his father a confused look. "That's definitely not the problem here."

"Good," Stoick breathed a sigh of relief. This was still in the realm of things Stoick could understand, if only barely. But that simple response sent Hiccup off.

"Good? What do you mean, good?" he shouted, suddenly furious and, for some unknown reason, hurt. Across the arena, Toothless snapped his head up and looked over. "Why would that even matter?"

"It doesn't! I was just asking!" Trying to eliminate other possibilities. If Hiccup would calm down for a second, he'd surely see he was overreacting.

But Hiccup had no intentions of calming down or acting with reason. "I can't keep doing this, Dad! I can't keep telling you how I feel just to hear there's a wrong answer!"

"That's not it! I don't understand you, son!" Stoick bellowed and he turned the boy to face him. Hiccup was so worked up, and Stoick wasn't sure which he hated more, that his son never listened, or that he could never say the right thing worth listening to. "You've always been different! We've got nothing to talk about and I don't know how to advise you on anything!" And if Hiccup turned out to be _that_ sort of different, it would be one more problem Stoick couldn't relate to, one more struggle he'd have to watch Hiccup endure without help from his useless father.

"It's hard to raise a boy you can't even talk to. But women trouble, that's something I understand, Hiccup." One small, miniscule point of reference.

But as usual, it was only after the words left Stoick's mouth that he considered maybe some of them should have stayed in his head. Hiccup's eyes were wide, but they refused to leave the ground and focus on his father. "Well, I'm grateful you've endured the agony of my company for so long..." his voice was sardonic and biting, and Stoick groaned.

"That's not what I meant-"

"I know, you never mean what I think you mean. But since I'm so _different,_" Hiccup said that word as if it meant something far worse, "Why don't you dumb it down for me?"

"Don't be like this, Hiccup."

"Oh,_ sorry._ Sorry I'm so different, it must be hard. And I'm sorry this conversation we're having right now isn't meaningful enough for you." His voice cracked and Stoick suddenly realized how close to tears Hiccup was. He wanted to protest, but these accusations were taking him by surprise. "Sorry talking about my problems isn't worth your time."

"Gods, Hiccup!" Stoick pulled on his beard a little and tried to stay calm. Of course Hiccup was worth his time, what was Stoick doing wrong, that one stray comment could send Hiccup into a tailspin? "Will you listen to me for one second?"

"Why? So you can tell me what a pain it is to raise me? You think I haven't heard it all before? Sorry the dragon took Mom instead of me, I'm sure everyone's lives would have been easier." The floor opened up, a fiery pit below. Who put that idea in Hiccup's head, surely he hadn't? Yes, it had been rough, raising a son on his own, let alone a boy with all the unique challenges Hiccup brought with him.

But it was also a joy and a blessing. Hadn't he also said that? "Hiccup-"

"Shut up! I'm so sick of this, nothing ever changes!" Angry tears sprang to Hiccup's eyes and he swiped at his face, his glare sill fixed and potent. "But don't you worry, I'm totally in love with Astrid, that's the part you care about, right? Nothing to fear there, I love her and someday I'll marry her, and we'll have a whole house full of kids!"

"That's not what I-"

"And when we do," Hiccup's voice was dark as a stormy sea, "I'm not going to let them waste eighteen years just to find out they have _nothing_ left to say to me."

Before Stoick could reply, or even move from the shock, his boy had called for Toothless, and the two fled the arena in a rush of air. He felt as if they were facing the Red Death all over again, only this time, his son might not come back.

* * *

With Gobber's help, Stoick began repairs on the front door of his house. As he was no longer welcome in the Dragon Academy and certainly not welcome near Hiccup, there was little else to focus on. Hiccup had returned from his flight, Stoick saw him swooping towards the Academy on Toothless, but that door was closed to him and Hiccup had no intentions of speaking with his father.

Not that Stoick felt he could say anything of use. "It's hopeless, Gobber," he said of the black marks scorching the floor, remnants of Toothless' plasma blast. "I doubt those will be coming off."

"Cheer up, Stoick, it's just a house," Gobber replied with his usual cheer. "Houses can be repaired. It's what's inside that matters."

But what if the inside was more charred and splintered than the structure? Stoick didn't voice that thought aloud, and worked beside Gobber in silence. They managed to get a new door put on its hinges just as Astrid came up to the house.

Stoick ran to the girl and nearly tripped over himself. "Is everything all right? How's Hiccup?" A stupid question, Hiccup was terrible, and it was Stoick's fault. Astrid backed up, her face wary, and Stoick tried to calm his intensity. Poor Astrid had endured a lot of suspicious words in recent days, but Stoick now knew she was not to blame for anything.

No one had ever hurt Hiccup as much as he himself did. "I'm just here to get the Book of Dragons," Astrid said, flitting up to Hiccup's loft to retrieve her prize. "Don't let me bother you."

"Wait, Astrid!" Stoick caught her arm as she was about to leave. "Please, I need to speak with Hiccup. He's..." he hesitated, but then realized that Astrid probably knew more about Hiccup's ailing than Stoick himself did. "He's in a bad way, he needs our help."

He could see Astrid agreed, but she just shook her head. "He doesn't want to talk to you." There was a pause, and then Astrid seemed to make a decision and continue. "You should know, as soon as Thundercry's well enough to fly, we're going to leave Berk. All of us agreed, we can't stay here."

"Why?" Because of one embarrassing night, or one argument with Hiccup? "Where will you go?"

"We haven't worked out the details yet, I just thought I should tell you," Astrid said with a hard voice. Her face then softened. "We can't stay like this... but no one actually wants to leave..."

"Then why go?" Stoick asked. What could he do to fix his village, and maybe, fix his son?

Astrid was quiet before answering, fingers gripping the Book of Dragons. "The past few years, I kept wondering how I could see Hiccup being ignored or teased and not care? Why didn't I think that was weird?" She faced her chief with a sad look that still carried strength behind it. "No matter how people treated him, no matter what they said, I never thought anything was wrong with it."

Stoick was hard on Hiccup, he could admit that. He was short and brusque and often more so when in front of a village Hiccup nearly obliterated with one of his schemes. At the time, he felt Hiccup needed more discipline, and the villagers needed to see he was trying to keep this maelstrom of a child contained.

And he knew others were hard on Hiccup as well. Stoick was often away on fishing or hunting trips, expeditions to find the dragon's nest or even day-to-day running of the village. He needed the others to watch over Hiccup, keep him protected, and if it took a firm hand to get that boy to listen and stay safe, it was a fair trade for not having to hold Hiccup's funeral upon returning. Hiccup got on everyone's last nerve, but no one actually wanted harm to come to the boy.

He thought that was clear. "I couldn't understand why I thought all that was okay. But now, I know..." Astrid locked eyes with Stoick, that girl was never afraid to confront anything. "I didn't think anything was wrong with it, because you didn't." It was like being stabbed in the heart. "All the people I looked up to, my parents, my uncle, my chief, nobody ever stepped up to question how we treated Hiccup. Because he can't fight dragons, because he just gets in the way, he's not one of us, so it doesn't matter what we say or do to him. I thought that was just normal."

The girl looked as sick as Stoick felt. "That's not-"

"I don't like that part of myself, sir. So I'm going to change it," she declared, not stopping to listen to what Stoick had to say. Perhaps it didn't matter. "And if Berk can't show me how, then I'm going with Hiccup and the dragons, because it was a dragon who taught me how to treat him like a human being." _And that should have been your job,_ was the unspoken statement.

"So that's what going on," Astrid finished. "I'm needed back at the Academy, sir. Goodbye." Stoick let her go, then stumbled back to sit on the front step, where he was joined by an equally stunned Gobber.

"I never meant-"

"No one did," Gobber finished for Stoick, in awe as they watched Astrid run down the lane. "I can't believe..." But he trailed off. Whatever their intentions, whatever their feelings towards Hiccup, their actions spoke for them.

When did Stoick start treating Hiccup as more of a burden than a son? And hadn't he been laboring to prove the opposite for so long?

How long until a mistake was undone?

"I failed him." Stoick said, finally admitting that aloud. It wasn't a mere mistake, or even a series of them. He wasn't merely flawed or inexperienced, it wasn't just a case of handling a situation poorly. He was a failure, he let his son down. He hadn't simply hurt Hiccup, Stoick ruined his life.

And it wasn't just Hiccup. A tribe followed the example of its chief, and Stoick had taught all the children of Berk that their worth was defined by their deeds, that it was okay to treat someone as less than yourself because of what they couldn't do.

It was the exact opposite of the example Stoick learned from his father. "How did I go so wrong?" Perhaps it was best to just let them all go. Perhaps it was time to resign as chief.

But Gobber clapped a hand on Stoick's shoulder. "Don't be taking all the blame on yourself. We all deserve some of it. It was a time of kill or be killed, but you protected that boy with your life. That's got to count for something." Did it? Was Hiccup's life of current agony something to be celebrated? "You love him, Stoick. Don't go telling yourself that you don't."

He could love Hiccup as much as he wanted, but it clearly wasn't doing any good. Not for the first time, Stoick wished that infernal dragon could have left his wife and child alone and carried off him. Valka surely looked down on Stoick and cursed him for filling their baby with such poison. "I don't deserve him. I don't deserve to be chief." Or, more accurately, they didn't deserve_ him._ They deserved someone so much better.

"What's this, Stoick? I've never heard you talk like that!" Gobber got to his feet and faced his chief with a stern glare. "You got time and strength to fix it, so don't sit around moping like a lassie left at the alter!"

The rebuke shamed Stoick, and he did rise to his feet, but he couldn't help but point out, "I'm not sure my way of fixing things is really helping."

"Hiccup's a tough one, but he loves you more than anything." Gobber rolled his eyes. "You act like the whole village is going up in flames." At that moment, a great noise was heard, like a howling dragon, followed by frantic cries of "Fire!"

"You were saying?" Stoick growled, before running off after the sound. His house stood high on the hill, able to look over most of the village, and what he saw paralyzed him for a brief second.

Most of the buildings were on fire, courtesy of that injured Deadly Nadder, who was firing shots and spikes with complete abandon. It didn't appear to have a target, and its flying was even less organized. It crashed into buildings like Toothless without his prosthetic.

As Stoick got closer, he realized the injured leg had been removed, now replaced with a bandaged stump. The creature couldn't fly because it was off balance. He ran into the village, where the Dragon Riders were attempting to quell the chaos. "Hookfang and I are the strongest, we'll handle hauling water!" Snotlout ordered. "Ruff and Tuff'll help. Fishlegs, get people out of here!" The teens scurried to obey, but Stoick ran after the Nadder. They'd be putting out fires for eternity if they couldn't get the dragon under control first.

But he also knew the dragon was where he'd find Hiccup. Sure enough, he rounded a corner and found his son trying to placate the dragon that was several times his size, trying to hold it steady with his thin, little arms. Toothless paced behind Hiccup desperately, ready to fight but no one to fight against. "I know it hurts, I know! Trust me, I get how you're feeling!" Hiccup cried, and the tears on his face mirrored the pain in the dragon's eyes. "But you've got to calm down, this isn't helping! I promise, it'll get better! Please, Thundercry..." The Nadder did seem to be trying to follow Hiccup's words, but Stoick could tell the pain and emotional distress were just too great.

He spotted a nearby satchel of Dragon Nip, probably dropped on the ground in the commotion. Stoick grabbed an armful of the stuff and ran over to Hiccup. "Here you go, poor devil..." The smell alone brought an almost dreamy quality to the dragon's eyes, and it slowly dropped his head as Hiccup patted it's nose and fed it the grass.

"Good thinking, Dad, that'll help," he said, but Hiccup still looked frantic. There was also a wheezing in his voice that Stoick didn't like. "It'll be okay, Thudnercry, there's more medicine on it's way..." Hiccup shuddered and leaned against the dragon, as if in pain himself. Toothless whined and sniffed at Hiccup, begging with his eyes for Stoick's help. "And we'll make you a new leg to balance you out, you're gonna fly again, I promise..."

"Hiccup, what's wrong?" The boy just trembled and gasped, slowly sinking to the ground along with the sleepy dragon.

"I'm so sorry, Dad, I didn't mean to..." It was then that Stoick noticed the blood covering his son's tunic.

"You're bleeding! What happened?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Hiccup was almost in the fetal position, arms wrapped tightly around his stomach and growing more hysteric. "It was my job, and now... the village is burning, and... I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"I'm not blaming you, Hiccup. Tell me what happened." He couldn't get an answer, but shouted over his shoulder for someone to grab Gothi and the healer. Thundercry whined a little, but seemed harmless for the moment, so Stoick let it go ignored. "Hiccup, hold still! I'm trying to stop the bleeding!"

"Couldn't even trust me with one job," Hiccup moaned. "I screwed up, I'm sorry!" Stoick finally pried apart the boy's arms and got a brief look at the injury, but there was too much blood to properly identify the cause. "I didn't mean for this to happen, I swear!"

"Just calm down, Hiccup." Screaming in fear wouldn't do any good, though Stoick wanted to howl, beg and bargain with the Gods, or even with his own villagers in order to save his son. What was taking the healer so long? "Was it the dragon that did this?" Toothless nodded in place of Hiccup, who was too far gone to focus on his father's words.

"Please don't kill Thundercry, he didn't mean to hurt anyone," Hiccup sobbed, and Stoick groaned. His son was frantic and delirious, possibly going into shock.

He almost cried with relief when the healer finally arrived at his side, Gothi following on her spindly legs. "No one's hurting Thundercy, we're just trying to help you." The healer wasted no time slicing off Hiccup's tunic, much to the boy's distress.

"No, I don't want to sew another one..."

"It's going to be okay, Hiccup," Stoick promised, while Fishlegs arrived and said the same thing to the Deadly Nadder a few feet away. It had to be okay, Stoick couldn't lose Hiccup here. Hiccup had to live long enough for Stoick to make right on his mistakes. He had to stay on Berk long enough to be healed. Perhaps Stoick had failed Hiccup up to this point, but he refused to give up on him now. Hiccup deserved a father, and if it took his whole life, Stoick was determined to be the man his son needed.

Neither death nor dragon would take that right away from Hiccup. "Looks like one of the Nadder's spikes got him." Stoick paled, almost losing hope. He'd seen these injuries in previous dragon raids, and the sufferers rarely survived the punctured organs and internal bleeding.

Gobber pushed his way through a crowd of spectators, almost running over Toothless. "The fire's under control, no reported injuries 'cept for this one here." He looked down at Hiccup with more tender eyes than Stoick knew Gobber possessed. "You hear that, Hiccup? You trained 'em well, now don't go depriving them of their leader."

All the while, Hiccup prattled on as if he were a child caught doing something wrong. "I'm so sorry, Dad! Be mad at me, but please! Don't hurt Toothless!"

"No one's hurting Toothless. He's right here." Toothless crept closer and warbled out a sympathetic croon, which caused Hiccup to cry with relief.

"Please, Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break everyone's house..."

"Homes can be rebuilt, Hiccup," Stoick replied firmly, touching his son's face and trying to bring him back to reality. He finally got the boy to quiet down and listen, and Hiccup's eyes were so wide and trusting.

"You promise?" he gasped out, crying aloud when the healer pressed a cloth to his wound.

"I do." Stoick smoothed out Hiccup's hair. "Don't go dying on me now, you hear?" Hiccup closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, much of his hysteria gone.

The mania was immediately replaced by his scathing tongue. "Okay. I mean, I thought about it, but since you asked so nicely, I won't..." The breathlessness in Hiccup's voice detracted from the sarcasm, but it still gave Stoick some hope.

"Let's hope the rest of you is as tough as your wit." He turned his attention to the healer, who was losing some of the desperate urgency he'd had earlier. "What is it?"

Gobber had been watching, and whistled his disbelief. "Incredible. The Gods gave that boy straw for arms, but they made his ribs out of solid iron."

"They're cracked, but they'll mend," the healer agreed, and Gothi nodded amongst her wordless chanting and shaking of her staff. "Nothing else appears damaged. It's just the bleeding we have to worry about." And the healer looked confident in his ability to deal with that. "He's a lucky one."

"Yeah, lucky, that's me," Hiccup drawled sarcastically. "Lucky One-legged Hole-in-the-chest..." But Stoick laughed with relief.

"You're going to be fine, son," he kept repeating over and over, until his laughter turned to tears. If anyone in the village noticed, they kept their comments to themselves. Gothi and the healer continued to work in earnest, and eventually Stoick was forced to take a step back and let them do their jobs.

Before he did, he gripped Hiccup's hand and waited until the boy's glassy eyes turned up to him. "I'm sorry for everything," he apologized quietly, knowing that didn't even begin to cover the dearth of problems between them.

But if Hiccup would let him, it could be a start. "Me, too..." the boy whispered back, before falling into medicated slumber. He let Hiccup rest and heal, turning around to survey his charred village.

He had a lot of rebuilding to do.


	12. Cauterizing a Wound

There were many practical reasons to consider accepting a tail Toothless could operate by himself. Dangerous situations occasionally demanded Hiccup and Toothless split up, and the lack of flight was a liability. Those same dangerous situations sometimes involved Hiccup being injured, and the need for solo flying was never greater. And of course, there was the simple fact that Toothless could not go anywhere without Hiccup, and once in a blue moon, he wanted to.

But whenever the question passed between them, Toothless would always snort in disgust, and Hiccup would smile a little to himself. Perhaps it was more practical, perhaps it was safer, and perhaps it even made for better flying to have a self-operated tail fin, but flight without Hiccup was empty. Toothless refused to accept a prosthetic that didn't include his human rider, for as long as Hiccup lived.

_But you sure have been pushing that lately, _Toothless grumbled at the sleeping boy in the bed. Hiccup was recovering well, but the sight of his friend being struck by a Nadder's spiny projectile wasn't going to leave the dragon's mind easily. He knew it would play in all his nightmares, right alongside watching Hiccup get struck by lightning and that hellish fall into flames on Dragon Island.

Still, as frightening as the scene had been, Hiccup was growing more hale with each passing day, and Toothless was grateful for that. As frantic as Thundercry had been, he hadn't intended to hurt anyone, and the spines were released with far less force than they might have been. Luck and circumstance all combined to grant life to Hiccup, and Toothless would not be deprived of his rider for long.

But these instances were a little too common for his liking. Someday, he hoped to impress upon Hiccup that if the boy were ever so foolish as to leave this world, Toothless would never fly again, self-operated tail fin or no.

It was getting harder to remember a time when Toothless flew alone under the stars, a time when he didn't have leather and metal strapped all over him. But even if a perfect, healthy tail would be more ideal than even the automatic fin Hiccup had built one Snoggletog, Toothless never wished for that. Even if there was some bizarre combination of events to forge a friendship with Hiccup and change Berk without the loss of his limb, he never found himself fantasizing over it.

Perhaps he just didn't have the imagination for it, perhaps there were too many specific needs and occurrences tied up in that small catalyst to sift through, but whatever the reason, it was never Toothless' wish to be spared the injury, or even to be made whole again. While it would have been technically _better_ for him to have a complete, functioning body, he was also better for what he had lost and gained with the current situation.

But what was true for Toothless was not necessarily true for Hiccup. Hiccup stood to lose a great deal, and Toothless had to be sure none of it could be saved before callously ripping something out of his friend's life.

Hiccup moaned a little in his sleep, and Toothless knew the crushed plants he'd been fed to numb the pain were wearing off. The need for them was much less now, another thing Toothless was grateful for, as they'd made Hiccup, to quote Stoick, "as high as a dragon on eels." They may have kept the pain at a manageable level, but Hiccup did very little besides stare at the ceiling, babble incoherently or hallucinate. Sometimes all three.

It was uncomfortable to watch. There were moments of humor, where Hiccup once mistook his father for a flying yak, but there was also a moment where Hiccup was certain people were coming to remove his leg- the one that was already missing- and he absolutely would not be consoled on the subject. The night was long and awkward, particularly once Hiccup got it in his head that the feared amputation was meant to punish him for something. Then Toothless and Stoick were treated to a semi-coherent list of all the ways Hiccup thought he'd disappointed them both, from shooting Toothless with a mangler to never being able to measure up to his father.

"He's not in his right mind," Stoick said to console Toothless. "He doesn't know what he's saying." Except Stoick didn't believe that and neither did the dragon.

If Toothless had a tail fin he could work himself, he might have taken Hiccup and left. The plan had been discussed with the other dragon riders, and even before that, Hiccup occasionally whispered a plea that if they had to leave Berk for some reason, would Toothless go with him? The answer was always yes, since that first day Hiccup attempted to run away and been interrupted by Astrid. But Toothless was grateful he didn't have independent flight now, because as much as the idea appealed, he wasn't sure it was the best choice. Hiccup's wounds were raw and infected, but that didn't necessarily mean the answer was cutting the painful parts off.

Hiccup stirred again, his eyes fluttering open a bit, and Toothless knew it wouldn't be long. _He's waking up! _ Toothless called out to Stoick, who was by the bedside in an instant. _Get ready, old man, this is it..._

Assuming Hiccup was up to a verbal showdown, of course. There was a limit to how much someone could take, but on the other hand, Toothless refused to stand by and let Hiccup tear himself to pieces night after night. It was time to decide if this three-piece family of theirs was up to the task it was intended for, or if it was more practical to leave one element behind.

"How're you feeling, son?" Hiccup woke with a sarcastic tongue that was completely at odds with his rumpled hair and adorably sleepy eyes.

"I feel like rainbows, sunshine and joy," he grumbled, but did shift himself into a sitting position with assistance from Stoick and a minor amount of wincing. "I feel like dancing a jig and turning somersaults in the village square."

"Glad to hear it," was Stoick's dry reply as he fluffed a pillow behind Hiccup's head. "And the pain? The healer left something for that if you need it." Hiccup made a face.

"Gods, no. Every time I moved, I felt like vomiting." He shook his head a little. "And maybe it was just a dream, but I think I spent an hour trying to swallow my own head."

_You didn't dream that. But it was fun to watch. _ "You also thought your boot was coming to life."

"Weird. I don't remember that."

"And you told Astrid you wanted to have her babies." Hiccup spluttered and stammered, eventually pulling the blanket over his head. "But then you said the same thing to Toothless, so..." _The cute part was listening to you describe all the tiny saddles and battleaxes you were going to make._

"I am never leaving this room," Hiccup's mortified voice was muffled by the blanket, and though both Stoick and Toothless laughed, it was only for a moment.

"You also said it would have been better if you were never born." The change in tone caused Hiccup to come out of hiding. "And that you never wanted to see me again." _And that I was an idiot not to hate you._

"Dad, I..." Hiccup look pained, possibly a little frightened. "I didn't mean any of it, really! I've been a little out of it, you can't take anything I said seriously." He turned to Toothless, a little too quickly, but he bit back the cry of pain. "I mean, I basically proposed to my dragon! Kinda loopy, if you ask me."

"Yeah, well, you've been saying a lot of things when you're lucid, too." That shut Hiccup up. The boy's eyes fell to his hands, twisting and crumpling the blanket in his lap. "Whether you meant them or not, they've been said, and you can't run away from them." Even though Hiccup looked like he wanted to do just that. _But just disappearing into the night isn't going to solve your problems. You'll still be dragging all that old weight behind you._

Stoick understood that as well as Toothless. The chief had approached the dragon after Hiccup had been safely stitched up and actually begged for his help. "You know a side of him that I don't," the man had pleaded. "I try to help him and it makes him worse. Show me what I'm doing wrong." Toothless had intended to attempt that whether Stoick asked for it or not, but it was the heartbroken, "I can't fail him again," that gave the dragon hope.

He'd nuzzled up to Stoick and promised all the help he could offer. _You're not a failure. _ This was the only father Hiccup had, and if there was a chance to heal this broken, fractured house, Toothless would fight for it. _No failure would try as hard as you have. _ And that desire to change, Toothless was sure, would be the difference maker.

Stoick pulled a chair up to the bedside and settled in with a look of solemnity, and Toothless slid up on the other side so his head was nearly in Hiccup's lap. _Don't look so nervous, Hiccup, we're just going to talk. _

"I know you kids are planning to leave Berk." Hiccup flinched, and Stoick's voice actually wavered. "And I'm not saying you'd be wrong. But you're too injured to be flying around for a bit yet, so we still have time to fix this."

"Dad..." Whatever Hiccup was pleading for, it died as soon as it came into the air. Toothless shifted a little closer to his human friend to offer support. _Would I let him hurt you? This is going to be okay, Hiccup. Let him have one last chance._

There was nowhere for Hiccup to run, and Stoick refused to. "I'm not trying to ask for forgiveness. But you're in pain, and I can't let you go without doing what I can to make it better." For this short time, Hiccup was still this man's little boy. It was anyone's guess as to why these two creatures couldn't make basic nature work, but both Stoick and Toothless refused to give up on it. No one loved Hiccup more than Stoick did, and Hiccup deserved the love and support of a father in his life.

He needed that, desperately, if only they could make it healthy and functional again. "The dragon and I agreed, no one leaves this house until it's settled. No matter..." Stoick paused, fighting against the possibility. "No matter what the outcome." Maybe they could resolve their differences, maybe they couldn't. The only guarantee was that Hiccup would be protected, everything today was about Hiccup's well-being, and Stoick and Toothless agreed that Hiccup's happiness and safety were the only things that mattered.

But that's why Toothless knew it wasn't hopeless. _Listen to him. He's willing to let you go, if that's what you need. But you and I both know it's not. _ Hiccup ran his hand's over Toothless' scales, quiet and wary, but said nothing.

Stoick took a deep breath. "I'm not trying to excuse anything," he began, "Because nothing does, but I want you to know I love you more than anything on this earth. Everything I ever did was because I was thinking of you, and if I didn't make that clear, that's not your fault, Hiccup." Stoick's eyes were earnest. "It's my mistake, you understand? It doesn't mean you've done something wrong."

"I know you love me, Dad, that's not the problem." Toothless shared a look with the chief. To be honest, Toothless wasn't completely sure what the problem was, much as Hiccup had poured out his soul to him. He wasn't entirely sure Hiccup knew.

"Then tell me the real trouble." But when it came to articulating it, Hiccup took on characteristics of a rabbit in the presence of wolves. His eyes darted over the room and Toothless could see his mind running through possible distractions to save himself. He stammered, he glared, he pleaded a little, and eventually busied himself in stroking Toothless' scales.

They were losing him. "Please, Hiccup. Just talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about. It's fine." Except that was a lie, and always had been. Toothless pushed himself up to look Hiccup in the eye. _You have to do this. Talk to him. I'm right here, nothing bad will happen to you, but you can't let this last chance pass by. _ The boy's eyes pleaded for reprieve, even looked betrayed for a moment, but then they took on a hard look.

"Son, it's not fine. Tell me what's been on your mind."

"How's the village? Now that I've burned it to the ground?"

"What?" The change in subject threw both man and dragon. Hiccup remained casual, or at least he presented that front.

"I haven't done that for a few years now. People were finally getting used to the idea of houses that stayed the same for longer than a couple months. Then little Hiccup makes a mess of things and a dragon sets fire to Berk, it's like old times."

"No one blames you, Hiccup, or Thundercry. And nothing got damaged that can't be replaced."

"Hmm, can I get that in writing?" Hiccup said with a small grin. "Given our track record, it's hard to believe I'm not in trouble."

"Well, you're not." Stoick crossed his arms. "What makes you think you are?" Toothless agreed, searching Hiccup's face for a clue to the deeper issue.

With Hiccup, there was always a deeper issue. "Is this because I got hurt?" he asked, suspiciously. "Is that why I'm being given a free pass?"

"I know it wasn't you fault, Hiccup-"

"No, you see, every time a dragon rampages through the village, it's my fault!" Hiccup snapped. "Ever since you put me in charge of the Academy. Doesn't matter if they live on Berk or not, doesn't matter if they're babies, the second we have trouble, it's "Hiccup, why can't you get these dragons under control?" Hiccup imitated his father's accent and earned a frown. "Is that the trick? If I get critically injured, you'll give me a break?"

_You're being unreasonable, Hiccup_, Toothless growled, a sentiment that was repeated by Stoick. Toothless batted at Hiccup's arm a bit to get his attention. _What's gotten into you?_

But Hiccup pushed the dragon back. He wanted to act like a petulant child, he wanted to get a rise out of his father._ Why?_

"You're not making any sense, son!"

"Oh, do I ever?" Hiccup sneered, and that's what Toothless realized what was going on.

_Okay, break it up!_ he snarled, leaving Hiccup to turn on Stoick. _Back up, come on!_ Stoick hesitated, so Toothless showed his teeth._ You said you wanted my help, this is it! Move it!_

"Woah, Toothless, calm down, bud..." Hiccup watched Toothless as he backed Stoick closer to the wall._ You just stay there for a minute and keep quiet. Let me deal with him._

Once Stoick surrendered, Toothless rounded on Hiccup, barely restraining himself from jumping onto the bed. _I know what you're doing!_ he accused, even though he knew Hiccup couldn't interpret his growls. _You're avoiding the subject, and trying to turn him into the bad guy!_ Purposefully trying to get his father to lose his temper and say the wrong thing. _Is it that hard for you to accept he wants to help?_

But it was, Toothless realized as soon as he said it. Because opening up to Stoick hadn't always ended well in the past, much as the man tried. And even if the intentions were pure on both ends, it still meant opening up a wound and digging deep into the raw flesh, and it was a frightening thing to consider.

Toothless lay his head on Hiccup's lap, careful not to jostle him and aggravate his injury._ Look, I know you're frightened, and I know you're angry. But this can't go on._ He gave Hiccup his most pleading eyes. With a flick of his tail, he brought his tail fin onto the bed, currently without the prosthetic in place. _When my fin was torn off, I cried and raged for hours. But eventually, I had to accept it and take care of it._

He'd been alone at the time, forced to cauterize the wound by himself. It was not an experience he ever wanted to repeat, though the feelings and sensations would never truly leave him._ If you don't take care of these things, they'll become infected and destroy you,_ he insisted, though Hiccup didn't show much comprehension. _This is killing you, Hiccup. One way or another, we have to clean it out and close it._ If that meant ripping the offending parts away, then so be it, but either way, Hiccup had to be brave enough to face the damage.

As Hiccup didn't seem to understand any of Toothless' words, the dragon slid his tail back to the floor and just scooted closer. _Please,_ he begged,_ just try._ He then went back to Stoick and guided him back to his chair, and gave very pointed looks that the conversation was to continue.

That, at least, Hiccup understood, though he looked a little betrayed. _Don't give me that face, I'm trying to help you._ As Hiccup refused to reopen dialogue, Stoick took it upon himself. "I know it might be hard for you to trust me, but Toothless can take you away or chase me off at any time. That's what he's here for." Toothless nodded vigorously. "Can you trust him, at least?"

Hiccup's voice was wary. "Dad, I know you mean well, but I'm getting tired of this."

"Then let's end it." Stoick was as firm and immovable as a rock. Usually it was one of his vices, but now it could work in his favor. "We can change this, Hiccup. You don't have to spend your whole life in pain."

Hiccup finally snapped. "Why is this so important to you? Wouldn't it be easier to just let me leave?"

"I don't care about what's easy. I care about you. That's all I've ever cared about."

"You ignored me!" Hiccup balled up his fists, and Toothless braced himself, wondering if he'd have to separate the two again._ Don't give in, old man, stay calm..._ "I talked until I was blue in the face and you never heard a word! And you want to do this _now?_"

"Yes." That threw Hiccup off guard, and he fell silent. It surprised Toothless, too, but a pleasant surprise. Stoick's voice was firm, but calm as a breeze, any anger, hurt or defensiveness was left aside, his only focus on Hiccup.

If he could keep it up, they might actually get somewhere.

"I'm you're father, Hiccup. I'm not giving up on you. I never have." When that didn't earn a response, Stoick took a deep breath. "You've every right to hate me-"

"I don't hate you." He didn't, Toothless was sure of it. The boy raged and cried, he was frustrated and sure there was no way the two could live under the same roof, but there was nothing Hiccup wanted more than reconciliation.

But the road to healing was covered in too many thorns, it was no task for the faint of heart. "Then tell me what you do feel." There was a pregnant pause, full of tension and fear. Under the gaze of Toothless and his father, Hiccup seemed to shrink, standing on the edge of a precipice and not having the courage to go over. _Be brave, Hiccup. I promise, there will be someone to catch you. I've never let you fall before._

"Can I have my leg, please?" Hiccup mumbled, barely above a whisper. Stoick frowned.

"What for? You're not going anywhere with those ribs of yours."

"I need my leg. Can I have it?" He leaned his head against Toothless', eyes closed and breathing heavily, and Toothless looked down at the offending absence under the blankets.

Suddenly, it clicked. _Get the leg,_ he ordered Stoick, who still seemed confused. Toothless nodded at Hiccup's stump in an attempt to get the point across, trying not to jostle Hiccup in the process. _He's helpless right now, he won't fight if he feels vulnerable. _At the dragon's insistence, Stoick went and retrieved the prosthetic and handed it to Hiccup.

The boy's damaged ribs didn't allow for the necessary bending to reach his knee, and Hiccup almost cried with frustration until his father stepped in. "Let me help." With no other choice, Hiccup sat back as Stoick gently fastened the straps and secured the metal limb. "Looks like you had another growth spurt. We'll have to make you a new one soon."

"I guess..." Hiccup had been looking a little uneven lately. But now that Hiccup was two-footed and equal, Stoick sat back in his chair, and Toothless crept up to lay his head in his rider's lap. _I know it's hard, but please try._ There were a lifetime of things that needed to be said, from both parties. _I promise, I will shut the whole thing down the second it turns hurtful._

That was his job today, protecting Hiccup and Stoick from themselves. He had to keep them from lashing out as the wounds were opened and cleaned, and pray there was something left to salvage afterwords.

"Hiccup..." It was so quiet. Outside, the villagers were repairing the damage Thundercry had done to their homes, but Toothless could barely hear it over the crushing silence. "I've made a lot of mistakes, and I know I've hurt you. I'm sorry for all of that." He reached out a hand, but Hiccup shifted back a fraction, so Stoick just lay his hand on the bed. "I want to make things right. And I want to help you, but I can't do any of that unless you tell me how."

"What, like I haven't been telling you for years?" Hiccup muttered, and almost seemed to hate himself for letting those words slip out. Toothless sighed, but looked to Stoick. _Don't get mad, at him or at yourself. He's just scared._

Stoick kept his calm, but his hurt was plainly seen. "Aye, I'm not the brightest man. You might have to spell it out for me." He leaned in closer, enough that Hiccup grew uncomfortable, and Toothless nudged Stoick back with his nose. With an apologetic look, Stoick obeyed. "I want to understand, Hiccup. I don't get any joy out of your suffering."

"Yeah, I know, Dad, but..." They were asking Hiccup to explain the unexplainable, so Stoick could comprehend the incomprehensible.

Maybe it couldn't be done, but they had to try. "I'm not going to get mad at you, whatever you say. You're my son, and I love you." When Hiccup didn't reply, the older man's eyes actually grew misty. "You understand that, don't you?"

There was a pause, long enough that Toothless almost gave up hope. Maybe there couldn't be a reconciliation, maybe those wounds were just too deep. Perhaps the only way to help Hiccup was to cut Stoick and Berk completely off.

But then, Hiccup took a shaky leap. "Yeah, but for how long, Dad?"

His voice was tired, yet the terror in his soul reverberated just below the surface. He pulled Toothless closer to him and the dragon curled his tail around the bed, offering as much comfort as he could. When Stoick opened his mouth to speak, Toothless shot him a glare to shut him up. _ No, he needs to get this out. _If his eyes were any indication, Hiccup was taking a chance and trying to be brave, an act that took every last shred of courage he had.

Any second now, he might burst into tears, or just give up. "You love me now, but you and I both know..." he choked on his own words, stopping for a second to get his breath back, "We learned, when you met Toothless... I can mess up so badly that even a father's love..." He looked up, eyes full of petrified determination and hopelessness, all mixed together in a heartbreaking expression. "Can be taken away."

"Hiccup, no-"

"You told me I wasn't your son. I was so scared you were going to go off and get killed fighting the dragon's nest, and you just knocked me to the ground like I didn't even matter." His voice wasn't accusatory, or defensive.

Mostly, it was hollow. Toothless fought the urge to bare his teeth, knowing aggression would only end the whole discussion. He silently willed Stoick to stay calm and do the same. "Hiccup, I'm sorry. I didn't understand-"

"So?" Now Hiccup's voice had some edge to it, though small. "You didn't need to understand. If it were anyone else, you'd have locked me up and pumped me for information, right? Maybe trusting me was a little too much to ask, but most people get some sort of trial before they lose their tribe." The realization washed over Stoick's face. "I get that you're chief and I basically committed treason, but you could have done anything to protect the tribe or fight the dragons. A million things you could have done to deal with your crazy, mutinous son, and you chose to throw me away." Hiccup's voice hitched again, and he moved his eyes to the floor, any previous intensity dissolved. "Because I'm not worth that much effort."

The words were damning, and Stoick looked crushed. "No, Hiccup, that is not true!" But even if Stoick could explain it, Toothless doubted anything could excuse the act. "I made a lot of rash decisions that day! But you-"

"What, Dad? I was right all along? Well, maybe next time I won't be!" Hiccup's eyes flashed, a small bit of fire in them. "Maybe next time I'll be completely, totally wrong and befriend something that's out to kill us all, what then? Are we going to go through the whole cycle a second time?"

"No, son. I won't be making that mistake again."

"Why? Because I finally managed to do something right?" He was getting too worked up, and Toothless tried to nuzzle his arm and calm him. _I'm right here. I won't let anything hurt you, not even words. Just calm down and say what you need to say. _The act did have some effect on Hiccup, and Toothless encouraged him with gentle purrs until the boy took some calming breaths, while Stoick bit his tongue and allowed his son to say his piece.

When Hiccup continued, his words were slow and deliberate. "I don't need people to love me and act all proud when things are going well," he said with a trembling in his voice. "I need them to tell me that when I'm worthless. But whenever I can get people to talk about how things used to be, all they can say is they're sorry for not realizing my potential. They didn't know I was right about the dragons." The words were meant in kindness, but there was a hidden message there that meant a great deal to Hiccup. "If they'd known how effective my way could be, if they'd known I could be so useful, they wouldn't have treated me like that. No one's ever said they're sorry because it's wrong to treat _anybody_ like that."

This was the core of the problem, Toothless was sure. Because all the apologies and extensions of kindness meant nothing if Hiccup couldn't trust in the base they were built on. When he shared a look with Stoick, he could tell from the man's ashen face that he finally understood this, too.

"I've been waiting my whole life for you to say something different," Hiccup finished quietly. "But you never do."

Toothless waited for Stoick's response, but the man sat as woodenly as his chair. But what could he say, and what did Hiccup need to hear? Did he want reasons and explanations, apologies or retribution? What was the response that would heal a lifetime of wrongs and set right a boy who'd been unintentionally told he deserved them all?

_You are not worthless,_ Toothless insisted with gentle growls. _ Never. And nothing you did could ever justify being made to feel that way. _Hiccup was so very flawed, but just as intensely loved, and to think he couldn't trust in that was heartbreaking.

Stoick cleared his throat. "I can't speak for everyone on Berk," he said solemnly, "But I never once wanted you to feel like I didn't care about you. Or that you didn't deserve to be treated kindly."

Hiccup bit his lip and turned to Toothless. "I used to think it was normal. Fearless Finn froze up in front of a dragon and we laughed at him. He shamed his whole family. I never killed a dragon, so why should anybody respect me?" _ Well, _I'm_ grateful for your non-dragon-killing streak. _ "But then, I met Toothless. You never cared what I could or couldn't do, did you, bud?" Toothless happily bumped Hiccup with his nose. "Even before I started working on a tail fin, he was my friend. The only person who ever made me feel wanted, and all I had to do was be myself."

Stoick's hand ran over Toothless, a silent gesture of thanks. Hiccup carried on, "After the Red Death, I finally got to be one of you guys. And that was great, but with Toothless around, something seemed so wrong."

Toothless jerked. _What? What did I do?_ Had he contributed to the problem as well?

But Hiccup stroked his scales and gave him a kind look to reassure him. "Toothless was nice to me, but everyone else made me work for that. If I was so worthless, why did a dragon love me? If I'm so useless, how did I make some of the best weapons to ever come out of the forge?" He turned his face to his father, now angry and fearful. "I did plenty of things right. Why wasn't that good enough for you? Why wasn't being your son good enough for you?"

"Hiccup, I-"

"So, is Toothless just crazy? If I can make my own father turn his back on me, why should I believe any of this can last?" Hiccup gestured to the room, the village, the world. "When does Astrid get bored with me, or Toothless? When do you finally get sick of all the trouble I cause and everything's just like before?"

"That will never happen, Hiccup."

"Yeah, I know, you love me." Hiccup shook his head and whispered, "Until you decide I don't deserve it anymore."

"Hiccup!" Stoick grabbed Hiccup's shoulders, just as fearful as the boy himself, and Toothless raced around the bed.

_No, no, look at him, he's scared! _He understood Stoick's panic and frustration, but this wasn't helping. _Let him go, come on, pull back... _ It hadn't been easy for Hiccup to say these things, he'd been keeping them close for years. Toothless had watched thousands of exchanges between father and son, and every time Hiccup tried to voice these thoughts, something sent him skittering back behind his walls.

Toothless didn't know the right way to deal with Hiccup's problems, but a rushing attack couldn't possibly do any good. He eventually eased Stoick back and moved to Hiccup. _It's okay, Hiccup, he's not mad at you, you know that..._

Hiccup's ability to remove himself from the situation was somewhat limited, which was admittedly a little unfair, but Toothless was sure that if Hiccup was well enough for it, he'd have bolted out of the house long ago. For now, he could only drop his head and pretend he wasn't waiting for his world to go up in flames. Meanwhile, Stoick tried to express his thoughts in a less confrontational way. "That's not the way it is."

Hiccup refused to respond, or even look up, and his shoulders trembled like leaves in the wind. Stoick reached out a hand again, but at Toothless' cautionary growl, he paused, holding it out a few inches from his son.

Waiting for the touch to be accepted, as if Hiccup were a dragon. "You've every right to be angry," Stoick admitted, while Hiccup continued to wilt under the attention. "I said all the wrong things and none of the right things, and I didn't see what that was doing to you. I'm sorry, Hiccup."

Still, Hiccup refused to react, and the three of them sat there for some time, Stoick's hand still outstretched to a boy who refused to acknowledge it.

He eventually pulled it back, and Toothless felt his heart sink. This was it, then, they'd gone as far as they could. Some things just couldn't be saved. _It'll be okay, Hiccup, I promise. We'll go far away and..._ but Toothless didn't know what would come after that. He wasn't sure they could cobble together a prosthetic for Hiccup's soul. But they couldn't stay here, not if the pain on Berk couldn't be healed.

Wouldn't it be more practical to live with an empty space, then hang on to something that was slowly killing him?

Toothless turned to Stoick, about to tell him that it was over, they'd tried, but it was time to leave well enough alone. But what he saw gave him pause.

A few seconds later, Hiccup also raised his head, the curious sounds of sniffling rising from under the enormous beard. "Dad, are you crying?" Now Stoick was the silent one, or nearly so. "Dad, don't..." Hiccup hesitated, confused and full of trepidation. "Don't _cry,_ it's creepy..."

Stoick laughed at that, but it was a chuckle full of tears and pain. "You didn't think your old man could cry, did you? Guess that's another thing I never said to you..." Hiccup helplessly reached out a hand, their roles mysteriously reversed, and Toothless backed up to let this strange magic work.

"Look, I didn't mean to... aw, this is so messed up. I'm sorry, okay?" But Stoick frowned.

"What are you apologizing for?" He took Hiccup's hand in his massive ones, practically clasping the boy's whole arm. "You have nothing to be sorry about. None of this is your fault, you understand?" He reached out to touch his son's face, and this time, Hiccup didn't pull away. Toothless watched Stoick draw Hiccup in closer and closer, until he was cradled in a gentle embrace.

He lay his head on his paws and watched. _For someone who claims to be a failure, you seem to be doing just fine. _

After a tender moment, Stoick pulled back, and he stared into his son's eyes. "What happened to you, everything I put you through, it was _wrong,_" he declared in a voice that refused to be contradicted. "You didn't deserve any of it." Hiccup's eyes widened, shock mingling with glimmers of hope. "And I'm sorry. It was wrong, and you deserved so much better."

To think, after years of arguments, pain and failing to understand each other, it was something so small and simple that made the difference. Hiccup blinked back tears, made a million faces to stop the torrent of emotions and finally launched himself at his father. _ Slow down, watch those ribs! You're still recovering! _ Stoick held him close, almost crushing the boy to his chest as both of them wept together, and for the first time, the house didn't feel so broken to Toothless.

"I didn't change because you could tame dragons," Stoick insisted as he held his boy like the precious thing he was. "I changed because I saw how close I came to losing you. You could have died that day, and I'd never have a chance to make things right. You're my whole world, Hiccup, you always were. I'm sorry I didn't act in a way to show that."

"Dad..."

"And the next time you commit mutiny, I won't go chasing after war," Stoick promised. "I'll come chasing after you." Hiccup buried his face in his father's chest, almost laughing through his tears.

"Dad, this is..." He couldn't find the words, and eventually gave up. "I tried to let it go and just forget, I tried! But it just kept getting worse and worse!"

"I see that now. You needed help and there was nothing here for you." He smoothed his son's hair with an enormous hand. "I did this, I made a world you couldn't live in, and I never saw what it was doing to you."

"I don't hate you, Dad, I just..." Hiccup was still struggling with articulating his thoughts. "I can't stay like this, I don't want to be like this anymore!"

"You don't have to be." He loosened his arms to look Hiccup in the eye. "We're a family. You me, and that scaly monster you adopted."

_Who are you calling monster? You overgrown yak..._ Toothless snorted as he padded over and let Hiccup and Stoick both run their fingers over his scales with grateful strokes.

"We're your family, and we're here for you," Stoick repeated. "Tell us what you need."

Hiccup lay his head against his father's chest and traced circles around Toothless' ear plates. "This is pretty nice, for now..." he mumbled, finally letting some of his tension go. "You realize this is just, like, layer one, right? I've got piles of junk to dig through."

"And I'll be here for all of it. I'm not going to abandon you."_ You hear that, Hiccup? We can do this. We can get you through it._ "I want to make Berk a place you can live in, a home..." he trailed off and looked down at his son. "That is, if you still want to stay..."

Hiccup actually allowed himself a small smile. "I think I can stay... and, you know, see how it goes..." Toothless warbled his agreement. _Just give it a chance. If everybody is willing to try, we could change everything._

_After all, we already changed the world once_. Stoick was suddenly overcome with emotion, and buried his face in his son's hair. "Thank you, Hiccup. I promise, it'll be different. I'm so sorry for everything-"

"Hey, Dad, enough with the crying," Hiccup gave a quiet laugh, though there were tears in his own eyes. But the boy was sparkling with a shy happiness. "You messed up, you just messed up. I'm a screw-up, too." He allowed himself a hopeful smile. "We finally have something in common."

It wasn't exactly funny. It wasn't even particularly touching, at least, not to Toothless. But it was something that spoke to the other two, and the embrace continued without fear or pain.

At least until Hiccup's ribs finally had enough and protested all the moving they were forced to endure, and the boy was laid back down to his sickbed. But the atmosphere in the house had changed, to something far different than Toothless had ever experienced within those wooden walls.

It made him feel like flying. But first, he'd have to wait for his rider to recover. Times like these, Toothless could admit that there was a certain impracticality to refusing a solo prosthetic, when his heart was full and the wind called out to him. The empty space would always be there, but the wound was closed and it no longer hurt him. And he knew that day would come for Hiccup as well, and they would soar together through the sky.

For now, Hiccup needed more time to heal. It would be long and arduous, and perhaps it would have been easier to simply cut off the injured bits. But as usual, Toothless was finding that practical solution wasn't always the one that made someone complete.

Hiccup had lost a great deal in his life, and Toothless hadn't been able to prevent the loss of his rider's leg. But this time, falling straight through the flames, they'd finally managed to save something.


	13. Releasing Pressure

Gobber didn't have Bucket's talent for predicting storms. Ever since his injury, Bucket could not only sense oncoming weather changes, but also predict the severity and pinpoint exactly when the storm would hit with almost otherworldly accuracy. But even if Gobber couldn't say exactly when or how badly a storm would hit, he always knew of the weather changes, even before Bucket's moaning rose above the village din.

He certainly didn't need the heavy clouds in the sky to tell him it was going to be a long day at the forge. But if he took a sick day every time there was a change in the air pressure, nothing on Berk would ever get done on time.

Besides, it set a bad example for his apprentice, who was already slacking in his duties of late. "Well, nice of you to finally show up!"

Hiccup was late for work again, as he had been all week. His face was dark and mood foul, though Gobber was too miserable on his own to be intimidated by Hiccup's attitude. "Yeah, running late today, sorry." He didn't sound apologetic at all.

"Hmph. If you're not up to working, the least you could do is say so," Gobber lectured. He'd been deprived of a helping set of hands while Hiccup was convalescing. Now that his apprentice was back, they should have resumed their usual work pace, but Hiccup was slow, sluggish and absentminded, when he was there at all. "Don't raise people's expectations if you're not going to deliver."

Hiccup glared for a minute, but finally grunted out an acknowledgment and donned his apron. "Where should I start? The giant pile of swords?"

"No, that saw of yours is all busted. I've been telling you for days." Hiccup frowned and inspected the long, jagged blade he'd installed in the shop, a strange contraption that sawed up and down without any human power. A simple lever set the whole thing in motion, and they could cut wood, leather and even some metals with speed and ease.

It was a godsend, but Hiccup was the only one who knew how it worked, since even his explanations and diagrams were beyond comprehension. "Did you keep it oiled while I was out?" The boy looked through the various components, making faces all the while. "Or do any maintenance at all? This thing is disgusting!"

"Isn't that what I have an apprentice for? It's your fool contraption, Hiccup. Your responsibility."

"Yep, my fool contraptions, once it's time to take care of them..." his apprentice muttered sardonically as he cleaned and oiled the machine. "The gears are all clogged up with sawdust and metal shavings, of course it's not running!"

"Just fix the stupid thing," Gobber ordered, and he turned back to his own work. In fact, he admired all of Hiccup's inventions, and encouraged his apprentice's eye for problem solving. Hiccup saw ways to improve upon everything, ways to make up for the limits of the human body, and the forge was slowly transformed over the years to a safer, more efficient operation with a wider variety of capabilities.

But today, with the clouds rolling overhead and his limbs aching like they'd been pounded with hammers, Hiccup's inventions seemed to be taking over his smithy. They were crowding Gobber out of his own space, telling him he was less intelligent and less capable in the domain Gobber ruled so impressively for years.

It all made him feel so old, though that wasn't Hiccup's fault. And the forge was Hiccup's refuge as well; as long as he worked there, they would have to share. It was just the day getting to him, perhaps Hiccup as well. "Looks like rain tonight," Gobber commented.

"Oh, I noticed," came the nasty reply. So Hiccup was feeling the discomfort, too. If they weren't so behind on their work, Gobber would have closed the forge and sent them both home. But they didn't have that luxury and would have to push through.

There was no lively banter or conversation as they worked, just grunting and hammer-falls. Hiccup finished repairing the band saw and moved on to sharpening swords and axes, while Gobber molded the molten metal and performed the occasional bit of dragon dentistry. Nothing particularly exciting happened, expect for Hiccup being more clumsy than usual and nearly grinding his hand off along with the swords half a dozen times. "Thor's undies, Hiccup! Where's your head at?"

"Sorry, Gobber," Hiccup muttered as he picked up the dropped sword from the ground, pressing his newly shaved knuckles to his mouth.

"Bad enough that you've been gone for weeks, now you're back and making more work than you help with? What's the point of having an apprentice?"

"I'm sorry, I haven't been sleeping well, lately." Hiccup dunked his hand in a bucket of water and wrapped a strip of cloth around the new wound.

"Well, maybe if you weren't out at all hours flying on your Night Fury..." He ignored Hiccup's surprised indignation. "You're not a child, Hiccup. You have responsibilities now! Playtime has to come later."

Hiccup said nothing, just resumed sharpening swords, and the conversation dropped. But before long, the sound of metal on the grindstone stopped, and Hiccup timidly approached the anvil Gobber was working at. "Um, Gobber, can I talk to you?"

"I'm a little busy, Hiccup." Saddles to make, weapons and tools to repair, an endless demand for nails and all the other tasks that had piled up over the past weeks. The work wasn't going to do itself.

But still, Hiccup persisted. "This is really important, Gobber." He remembered when Hiccup's head was barely high enough to see over the anvil, a patch of auburn fluff amidst a sea of sparks, detailing new plans to build manglers or hunt trolls between Gobber's hammer strikes. "Please."

He just wanted to finish a good days work and get home, put his foot up by the fire and let the inclement weather pass overhead. But that 'please' got to him every time, he had a soft spot for Hiccup. He sighed and resigned himself to the fact that he'd be working overtime that day. "All right," he laid down his hammer. "Have at it. But make it quick."

Hiccup fidgeted. "Well, this isn't really a quick sort of thing, more of a settle in for a long discussion sort of..." he flinched when Gobber narrowed his eyes. "Okay, well, it could be, okay... um...yeah, the quick version, uh..." If ever Hiccup learned to speak in a concise manner, Gobber would praise all the Gods above. "I, um... when I was little, there was a lot of stuff that bothered me, and, uh... well, I spent all my time here, you know- well, of course you remember, you were there- but I started working here, sharpening swords and stuff..."

"Does this story have a point, Hiccup?"

"The point, um..." Hiccup smacked his lips a few times, looking like a fish, while Gobber felt his patience wearing more and more thin. "Well, we, uh, you're my boss, and I look up to you. I'd like to call us friends, and I know you're a good man... but, um, I think sometimes the way you saw things is different than how I saw things..."

"If it's about that infernal band saw, we already had this discussion!" Gobber groaned. "I told you I can't make head or tails out of your instructions! You're responsible for taking care of the thing, we agreed on that, so don't go blamin' me when it needs attention." He picked up his hammer and began pounding again, determined to get back to his work and take his focus off the arm and leg that were crying in misery.

"No, I'm not blaming you for that. I'm not blaming you for anything, just," Hiccup waved his arms helplessly as he tried to shout over the clanging. "I just need to hear that you... I don't know, I guess I just need to talk about it..."

The metal had cooled over the period of inactivity, so Gobber moved it back to the forge. "And what is 'it'?" While the sword heated up, Gobber turned to a swath of leather that was being marked up for a saddle and checked the measurements.

"That's, um..." Hiccup was very fidgety and suddenly quiet. "Well, you know, when I was a kid, you saw me every day. I think you saw me more than my Dad." He wished Hiccup would work while talking, instead of standing there like a stick. "I dunno, some of the things you said, I just, well..." Gobber took a step and his leg screamed out a protest, and while it was nothing new, the constant throbbing was starting to grate on him, along with everything else.

"Hiccup, if you can't get to the point, I'm gonna have to ask you to get back to work," he growled, trying to hang on to his last vestiges of patience. "I've got more important things to worry about."

"Yeah, um, you see, that's the point right there," Hiccup said timidly, but he did attempt to assist Gobber by pulling the now-glowing sword from the forge. But in his distraction, Hiccup reached in without any gloves or tongs and suddenly recoiled from the heat with a loud yelp.

"Hiccup!" The boy stumbled back and landed on his rear, clutching his burnt hand to his chest. Gobber ran to his side with a bucket of ice water and plunged the hand into it. "Are you crazy, reaching in like that? What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know, I'm sorry," Hiccup stammered out, clearly shaken. To Gobber's relief, the burn didn't seem critical, and the boy likely never got close enough to actually touch the metal.

Still, the fear he'd felt quickly transitioned to anger that Hiccup would be so reckless. "I swear, I get more done with my one hand than two of yours," he spat out, ignoring Hiccup's flinch. What else was going to go wrong today? "Just keep it in the water for the next little while and try not to mess anything else up."

"I'm sorry, Gobber, I didn't mean to-"

"You never do," Gobber grumbled as he returned to the forge, using his tongs-hand attachment to swing the sword out of the fire and slam it down on the anvil. "I keep telling you, this isn't a playground! One of these days, you're going to get seriously hurt!" And in the meantime, he'd lost extra work time due to the accident, which meant customers would complain, Stoick would be irritated that the village wasn't running smoothly, Gobber would have to do extra work to cover up Hiccup's mistakes while the pressure outside continued to aggravate all his limbs.

"I know, I'll be more careful," Hiccup promised, sounding like the shamefaced child he'd been so many years ago. "I was just distracted, you see, I-"

"I don't care, Hiccup!" Gobber pounded his hammer in frustration. "This isn't a game! If you can't keep your head on the job, you're useless to me!" Not to mention Hiccup might accidentally saw off his arm or burn off his other leg if the clumsy fool didn't watch his surroundings. "Just cool your hand and try to keep from causing trouble for a few lousy minutes!"

Hiccup snapped his mouth shut, and Gobber felt a little guilty for being so short with the boy, but his patience had completely run out. He had work to do, not enough time to do it in, and only two non-achy appendages to do it with. The whole point of having an apprentice was to ease his workload, not add to his worries and destroy his sanity. "Sorry to snap at you, lad. But I'm swamped enough without having to deal with all... this."

"But you just gestured to all of me," Hiccup said quietly.

"You're not a child anymore. I don't have time to be cleaning up all of your messes." He turned from Hiccup to the counter, where Mulch had appeared. "Just stay put and look after that burn."

"Burn?" Mulch strained his neck to peer over the counter. "You all right, Hiccup? What happened?"

"Clumsy fool stuck his hand straight into the forge," Gobber muttered as he limped over. Every step was more painful than the last, though he imagined his mood was what truly made it unbearable. If he didn't have Hiccup underfoot, the day would probably be much more manageable. "The boy's head is always in the clouds, never focused on his work."

"Ah," Mulch made a sympathetic sound. "You got to be more careful, Hiccup. A forge is no place for daydreaming."

"Got it, _thanks_," Hiccup bit back, and Gobber shook his head.

"Ignore him, he's been thornier than a thistle all day. Now, what can I do for you?" Mulch had a score of objects that needed repairs, and while most of them were tiny, Gobber felt as if he was being crushed under their combined weight. "I can make a new axle for the wagon today, but the rest is just gonna have to wait 'til I get round to it."

"But we're supposed to be filling the stores for winter," Mulch complained, as if Gobber didn't already know. Mulch and Bucket would need all their gear in working order for fishing and animal care in order to make sure Berk had the largest supply of food possible.

"I'll make it a priority, but I can't guarantee anything," he jerked his good thumb back at Hiccup. "It's not like I have an extra set of hands to lighten the load. If anything, it's like subtracting two."

"Hey!" Gobber rolled his eyes and turned around, only to be startled by the look on Hiccup's face.

He hadn't seen tears like that since Hiccup was a small child. "I said I was sorry, okay? D-don't talk to me like that!"

Mulch stared right alongside Gobber. "What's gotten into you, lad?" He looked uncomfortable, as Gobber felt, seeing a young man crying so openly. Hiccup's emotional side made grown men uncomfortable, and it was more jarring the older he got.

But Gobber was more used to it than most. Hiccup had been a sensitive boy, harsh words sending him into fits of tears. He'd learned to just let the boy be and he'd calm down on his own. "Why don't you go home?" Gobber waved a tired hand. It wasn't like Hiccup was helping Gobber or himself by being there. "Get some rest, and I'll see you tomorrow when you're feeling better."

"No!" Both men were caught of guard when Hiccup screamed his reply. "You can't just ignore me or shove me away whenever you don't feel like dealing with me!" The noise caught the attention of a few passersby, and they curiously drifted to Mulch at the counter. "I'm not useless, so don't talk to me like I am!"

The growing crowd whispered and shared looks with each other, mostly from confusion, and Gobber felt embarrassed to be publicly talked back to by his apprentice. "I'll talk to you however your behavior warrants!" he sneered back. His mood was just as black as Hiccup's, and he wasn't in any state to tolerate insolence. "If you're gonna act like a mewling bairn then don't complain if we treat you like one!"

"Oh, yeah, my bad!" Hiccup seethed, radiating rage from his fingertips. It was actually a little frightening, though more and more people were drawn to the commotion. "Guess I'm just_ fussy_! I should just get over it, right? You'd never talk down to me if I didn't deserve it!"

This was so unlike Hiccup's usual back-talk, more like a toddler's tantrum. Gobber was out of his depth, but felt pressure to present an image of authority in front of their new audience, or at least snap Hiccup back to reason. "Don't give me that lip! I taught you everything you know!"

"You sure did," Hiccup snarled. "Let's not forget your greatest lesson: 'Stop being all of you!' Narrowly beating out the oh-so-popular 'Stop trying to be something you're not', that is, stop trying to be one of us, because you're not. You will never have a place here!"

Gobber had traded barbs back and forth with Hiccup for years, tried to ignore sniffling when the boy came into the forge with red eyes and occasionally watched the boy in a frustrated rant, but he'd never seen this. "What on earth's gotten into you?"

"You're asking now? I've been working here for, like, a decade, and never once did you ask what was wrong. Always hoped you would, but you've got more important things to worry about, right!" It was then that Hiccup seemed to notice the crowd that had formed around the forge, and his eyes went wide. Meanwhile, Mulch attempted to step between the conflict.

"Now, now, Hiccup, no need to get upset..." His voice was soothing, but Hiccup recoiled from his touch in the same way he'd sprung back from the forge. "If you'd just calm down..." But Hiccup didn't seem able to calm down, if he had those intentions. His tears flowed freely, and no amount of reassurance could make them stop, while the boy just pressed his knuckles to his forehead and exhaled through grit teeth in a failed attempt to regain control.

His eyes were wild, like a cornered dragon. "Do you think the boy's gone mad?" the gathered villagers discussed.

"He has been acting strangely..."

"What should we do? It's like he's in pain..." An accurate observation. The force of Hiccup's emotions seemed to be pulling at him like a tree caught in a hurricane, a power beyond men. "What's wrong, Hiccup?"

"Just back off! Do you all have to stand so close to me?" Hiccup was now pressed against the wall, pulling away from Gobber, Mulch and anyone else who reached out to him. His breathing came in small gasps, and each one seemed to fuel his distress more.

"Should we take him to Stoick?" Mulch dropped his tone and asked, "Or Gothi?" Gobber wasn't sure. With the way the village was turning up in droves outside, Gothi would probably come to them before too long.

And he didn't want to be the one telling Stoick his only son and heir might be out of his head. "Let's get you home, Hiccup. You're overworked, nothing a good night's rest won't cure." He took Hiccup's arm and the boy struggled.

"Let go of me! Let go!" he wailed, kicking and screaming in a way that did nothing to squash the whisper of madness in the air. Gobber released him instantly, and Hiccup shrunk away. What was he supposed to do?

"Hiccup, you have to calm down, lad," he said earnestly, though he kept his voice low. "You're starting to frighten people." Some of those people burst through the crowd, and Gobber soon had Astrid and the other dragon riders at his elbows.

"Hiccup? What's wrong?" Even Astrid couldn't reach Hiccup, and he kept turning away. "Talk to me, Hiccup."

"I knew it was too good to be true," the twins muttered between each other, while Fishlegs wrung his hands. Gobber growled at them all, watching his forge being overrun while Hiccup melted down in front of everyone.

The chaos wasn't helping Hiccup, or the villagers' anxiety. "You don't think he'll have to be shipped off, do you? He's still so young..."

"We don't want to risk the madness spreading."

"Hey, no one's shipping Hiccup anywhere!" Snotlout yelled, banging his fists together in case anyone disagreed, while Astrid still tried to speak with Hiccup.

"Try to relax, babe."

"I can't, okay? I can't calm down, I don't know..." Hiccup trailed off and actually managed to make himself appear smaller. "Just get back, I can't breathe, I can't..."

"What's going on here?" The booming voice of Stoick the Vast carried over everything, and it brought mixed relief to Gobber. Hiccup was similarly conflicted, and the small flicker of relief in his eyes was at odds with the snarky tone he soon adopted.

"Well, now we've brought in the cavalry..." His tone dripped with acid, though the effectiveness was somewhat diluted by all the tears. "Our mighty chief has arrived, never met a problem he couldn't fix by throwing a house at it." Stoick frowned and began ushering people out of the forge.

"If you're that excited to be here, I'm sure Gobber can find plenty of work for you," he threatened, and between that and his glares, he managed to scare the crowd back, though they didn't disperse. They hung around in patches, a mixture of worry and curiosity. The members of the Dragon Academy formed their own huddle and discussed something in earnest, while shooting nervous glances or glares in the direction of the forge.

Hiccup complained during the whole evacuation, not allowing his gasping for breath to deter him. "Just give it up, Dad, you can't lecture this to death."

"Take deep breaths, Hiccup."

"I'm not in the mood for a stupid speech!"

"Breathe." He cleared out the forge and then gently motioned for Gobber to step back, giving Hiccup some space. "Come on, you've got room for it, now. Nothin's threatening you."

Hiccup choked on his attempts to breathe, but he looked up at his father with dark eyes. "Uh oh, chief, better do something. Your little disappointment's embarrassing you in front of your people."

Stoick didn't flinch, as Gobber did, but spoke calmly. "You're not going to get rid of me that easily, Hiccup." There was a tense moment, before Hiccup's rage deflated into helpless, quiet sobbing, and Stoick stepped forward to place a gentle hand on his son's back. "Take a deep breath, in and out."

"Breathing won't fix it," Hiccup complained, but Stoick was firm.

"No, but it might keep you from passing out on the floor." He urged again, until Hiccup finally obeyed and began taking slower breaths. In time, the boy's wild demeanor faded into something much more like himself, though his eyes kept producing fresh tears. "Feeling any better?"

"No, I want to crawl into a hole and die there," Hiccup whined, and Stoick just ruffled his boy's hair.

"You'll be fine. A little embarrassment won't kill you." Hiccup seemed disbelieving, but closed his eyes and continued to focus on shaky breaths. Gobber could only watch in fascination, never having seen Stoick so gentle or intimate with Hiccup. Even these simple gestures were rare to be seen. "What was the trouble?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Hiccup turned his head away, though his tone suggested he very much wanted to talk about it. Finally, he cracked. "It's like I let myself feel one thing, and now it's all coming at once."

"We'll just take it one step at a time."

"But it's not coming one step at a time!" Hiccup stamped his good foot. "Eighteen years of buried stuff all at once, and I keep losing it!"

"It'll get easier, Hiccup. We'll find a way to deal with it."

"Yeah, okay..." Hiccup let out a ragged breath, calmer after his rant. Still, his mood didn't rise. "The whole village saw."

"I know. It's fine."

"No, it's not!" Hiccup's eyes snapped open and he swung his head back around so fast Gobber wondered that it didn't fly right off his neck. "I lost it in front of everyone, they're going to talk!"

"Do you want to tell them why?" That shut Hiccup up, terror in his eyes. "Or I can speak to them."

"And say what?" he almost hissed, and while Gobber didn't share the boy's fright, he agreed. He wasn't sure there was a way to explain what he'd just seen.

"The truth. That you're going through a difficult time, and there's not a one of us who gets to judge you for it." Hiccup was quiet for a minute, then slowly nodded.

"Yeah, um, okay..." For the first time that day, a smile graced his features, though it was small and shy. "I like your version of the truth."

"Good." Stoick's smile quickly reverted to a frown again. "What happened to your hand?"

Hiccup winced and looked down at his burn. "I wasn't paying attention... it's not bad." Gobber decided this was as good a time as any to step forward.

"It could have happened to anyone," he said with an apologetic face. Hiccup stared at him in surprise. "Are you all right, lad?" He wasn't just talking about the burn, as Hiccup's overall well-being was questionable.

"Not exactly..." Hiccup replied with an embarrassed face. "Dad and I are working through some stuff, and its been rough..." He raised his head, regretful. "But I shouldn't have lost my temper. I'm sorry."

"I've been a bit of a sour-puss myself today," Gobber said with a shake of his stump hand, and Hiccup gave a tiny chuckle of understanding. The pressure in the air made even the tiniest problems unbearable. "I said some thoughtless things, too. I hope you'll forgive me."

And suddenly, there was a small light in Hiccup's eyes, a hope and joy that fascinated Gobber. He'd just said a few words, there was no reason for such monumental feeling in Hiccup.

Then again, he hadn't understood exactly why Hiccup had exploded like a plugged tea kettle on the hearth. Hiccup was full of mysteries, and always had been. "Gobber, um..." the boy struggled with words for a minute, and Stoick softly encouraged him. "I'm not trying to, uh, blame you or anything, but... I'm having a hard time with some stuff that happened when I was a kid... I think it would help if I could talk about it with you. If that's okay," he finished in a near whisper.

What this what the boy was driving at earlier, in his convoluted way? "Of course, Hiccup."

"But maybe not right this second," Hiccup amended, laughing to himself a little, "I've had way too much crying for one day." He wiped at his eyes, and shrugged his shoulders helplessly at the tears that still kept falling despite his change in demeanor.

"Go on, take a flight with that Night Fury to clear your head," Gobber said, "Work will still be here when you get back." Hiccup was only too eager to leave, but he stopped himself.

"Dad..."

"I'll handle Berk, Hiccup, don't fret about it."

"No, um," he shook his head, shame flushing his face. "I was really rude to you... I'm sorry." Stoick smiled, and then did something Gobber never would have expected.

He embraced his son. There was no hesitation from either party, and no awkwardness. "I know you didn't mean it. You won't be scaring me away with a little attitude." He pulled away and ruffled Hiccup's hair again, and Gobber was struck by how much affection the action contained, and none of it forced or stilted. "I'll see you back at home tonight." Hiccup left with gratitude in his eyes, and the shadow of Toothless was soon soaring over the ground.

Gobber looked to Stoick, who's countenance fell as soon as his son was out of sight. "He's not really mad, is he, Stoick?"

"I hope not." It sounded like a plea he uttered every night to the gods. "But madmen act without reason, and Hiccup has more than enough reasons," he continued bitterly. "Maybe we were the mad ones all along." He leaned against the worktable and Gobber joined him, unsure of what else to do. "Thank you, for agreeing to talk with him."

"Don't thank me yet, I think it was my talking that set him off in the first place." But Stoick still sounded grateful.

"It's not an easy thing to do, I can't guarantee he'll be reasonable about it either." Gobber raised an eyebrow. Now he knew why the village was experiencing a revival in Haddock arguments echoing down from the hill. "But he needs it. I can't guarantee the rest of the village will be so easy changed..." He looked out to the crowd of people still eying the forge with trepidation. "I have no idea what I'm doing with him."

Gobber had no advice to give. "You're doing your best. And that's getting the two of you somewhere." Raging son aside, Gobber never thought he'd see those two at peace with each other. Stoick gave him a grateful smile, though still seemed troubled.

Outside, Stoick and Gobber were still under the eyes of scrutiny. The young adults of the Dragon Academy radiated suspicion. "Look at those kids. Practically shaking in their boots."

"Of course they are," Stoick sighed, releasing an internal frustration. "They're scared to find there were monsters hiding inside their parents' skins." Before Gobber could ask him to elaborate, Stoick stood and exited the forge, hands on his hips to address the village.

A buzz grew from the crowd, with a few voices sticking out. "Is Hiccup all right? What's happened?"

"There's nothing to fear," Stoick raised a hand to calm everyone. "I apologize if some of you were worried. My son is fine, but he's dealing with some hardship and would appreciate your kindness at this time." The general tone relaxed a little, and Gobber smirked a little to himself. Being the village celebrity he was, poor Hiccup might be smothered in Viking kindness.

But now that they'd been given an explanation, vague and meager as it was, the rumors stopped flying and the atmosphere was less fearful. "Since most of the population is gathered," Stoick said dryly, and when Gobber looked around, he estimated that in fact, the entirety of Berk was out of their homes and assembled together, even many of the dragons. "We might as well have a town meeting. There's something I need you all to hear." The island settled in for a speech, all curious except for the Dragon Riders, who still looked wary.

Stoick cleared his throat. "There have been many changes these past years. Not only did we make peace with the dragons, but also the Outcasts, and we won a war with the Beserkers without losing a single life. It's something I'm grateful for, and something I would never have believed three years ago. Our children made this happen." Hiccup and his friends were the ones to ride dragons into battle, to dig into the past of Alvin and look for causes, to find ingenious ways to outmaneuver a Beserker armada while also rescuing their chief.

And the result was peace on their island. "For generations, all we've known is dragon raids and war. We brought up our children in that world. And we buried most of them in it." Gobber forced himself not to get emotional. He wasn't particularly fond of children, and found most of them to be a nuisance, but a generation where only six children survived to adulthood was a blow. "And now they can grow up without that fear hanging over their heads. Our grandchildren won't even know what war is."

The dragons roared out a cheer, inspiring a few echoes among the humans, but Stoick's speech wasn't to celebrate anything. "We did everything we could to protect our children. But we got so wrapped up in protecting them from dragons and Outcasts, so focused on keeping them alive, we lost sight of what we were keeping them alive for." A confused murmur rippled through the crowd, and Gobber raised an eyebrow.

Stoick paused, his face appearing stern, though Gobber knew him well enough to recognize shame when he saw it. "It doesn't feel so long ago that I stood in front of you and praised my son for placing first in Dragon Training. I joked that I could finally show my face in public again, that I was so surprised he'd managed to be anything but a hiccup, even as I was complimenting him." His words were sobering, and everybody remembered.

It was a day no one would forget, for several reasons. "He heard every word of that speech. He heard that being a smithy wasn't good enough to be considered one of the tribe. He heard that being one of the bravest, kindest and most brilliant boys on Berk wasn't enough to make his father proud of him. And he heard everything we said on every day before that." And all the days after, likely. But Gobber felt uncomfortable; he hadn't been especially soft with Hiccup, to be sure, but he wasn't malicious, either. It was never his intention to put Hiccup down.

But as he'd proved just a few minutes ago, it was very easy to say thoughtless things. In one short afternoon, he'd ignored Hiccup's problems and then lectured him into complete distraction.

"A child who could fight is a child who would live," Stoick said, tone heavy. "That's what we believed. We were so desperate to protect our own that we were blind to the reason we wanted to have children in the first place. The joy of raising them, watching them grow up, loving them." As Gobber never had children of his own and never would, these supposed joys were a little lost on him.

Still, he took a particular pride in watching Hiccup forging his first knife, learning to polish metal and cast molds. A pride that disappeared the second Hiccup used these skills to try and fight dragons and nearly get himself or others killed in the process, but it was a good feeling nonetheless.

"But our children were always watching us. They never stop. They're always watching and listening, and whether we want to or not, we're always teaching them." Even Gobber, the eternal bachelor, felt the lecture sinking in, driven home by the events of the day. He was not Hiccup's father and never took a care to take that role, but as Hiccup himself said, Gobber probably saw more of him than Stoick did.

Only an idiot would tell himself that what he said or did wasn't making a difference.

"The war is over," Stoick finished. "Let's not lose any more of our children."

Gobber turned to the Academy teens, who had lingered through this speech. Five nervous and defiant children had changed attitude completely, eyes shining with relief. Astrid raked her bangs over her face, as if it would hide her surge of emotions, and Snotlout actually ducked his head to dab at his eyes. Tuffnut reached for his sister's hand, while Fishlegs nuzzled his dragon.

He couldn't understand exactly why Stoick's words had such an effect, but maybe, that was the whole point. Children baffled him, and benign words or actions would make them explode at the strangest times. Perhaps they didn't have layers of protective callouses over their hearts from a lifetime of war, watching friends get hacked and burned, or having their limbs torn off by dragons. And maybe, Gobber didn't want them to.

Gobber wandered over to Bucket and Mulch, where the latter was looking to the sky in confusion. "What's got your attention?"

"Bucket stopped making a fuss." Now that he thought about it, Gobber hadn't heard Bucket wailing or complaining about the weather throughout Stoick's whole speech. "The clouds are disappearing."

Bucket was overjoyed. "The sky's clear again!" He clasped his hands in gratitude to the gods. "There's not going to be a storm!" Gobber looked up to the sky, marveling at the blue breaking through all the angry gray and realizing that the ache in his own limbs was starting to dull.

The pressure was lifting.


	14. Maintenance

Proper maintenance was as key to performance as design, and Hiccup knew that better than anyone. He could build any manner of tool, from the simple to the bizarre, but if he didn't give the thing regular attention, it would eventually fail. A little daily upkeep prevented more extensive repairs later down the line.

Both Hiccup and Toothless' prosthetic needed inspection regularly, especially as Hiccup's design grew more complicated. Occasionally the day got away from him, but Hiccup was careful not to let too much time pass without looking over the artificial limbs for cleaning and signs of wear. Though mechanical, these were still parts of the body and deserved as much care as the rest of them.

But from time to time, other things popped up to steal Hiccup's attention. In this case, discovering his long-lost and apparently not-dead mother, battling a madman with a dragon army, watching his father die at the hand of his brainwashed best friend and becoming the chief of a village covered in ice. Needless to say, it had been a stressful few days, and Hiccup hadn't had a spare moment to think, let alone look the equipment over.

And the result was a peg leg that didn't stay pegged. His foot kept slipping out and trying to rotate back to the position he used for flying, or vice versa. Hiccup expected it just needed a thorough cleaning, there was probably just dirt clogging up all the gears and preventing things from locking into place, but that would involve sitting down and taking the thing apart. It wasn't a hard task, but it required a little time.

He'd just fought off Drago and been made chief that morning, however, so there wasn't a moment to rest. He needed to reassure people, make plans for ice removal, find room for all those whose homes had been destroyed and also the new dragons who'd taken a fancy to Berk. He needed to prepare for the rest of Drago's oncoming armada, who may not have heard of their master's defeat, as well as tend to the currently injured. He had explanations to give, orders to issue and funerals to preside over.

The funerals were the worst. In face of that, Hiccup's rebellious leg didn't seem like such a priority. So he kicked the peg against rocks or the ground whenever he could and tried to force it back into place, silently praying that he could finish his work without falling on his face. Now was not the time to remind everyone that their lives were being run by the village hiccup.

But despite the general stress bringing out his negative side, Hiccup wasn't actually that against his new career. Yes, he'd inherited the title under the worst possible circumstances, but he was coping fairly well to the crash course in running a village. It wasn't easy, but so far the skills he had seemed to be in line with what Berk needed, and if he could keep it up, Hiccup thought he just might do okay as chief. He might even like it.

Of course, he'd never say so in front of his father- even if he _could_- to give him the satisfaction. Given the choice, Hiccup would have preferred to be a little boy forever, skipping work to fly off into the sunset with Toothless. He still remembered his father lecturing him and encouraging his son to accept his growing responsibilities, even as Hiccup adamantly resisted being groomed as future chieftain. "If you had some other passion, I wouldn't stop you," his father had argued, "But I know you're not hoping to take over for Gobber, and you were saying yourself that the Academy's going to need changes, it's bigger than the six of you. Your map project is something, but it's not enough by itself." That was all true, but at the time, Hiccup couldn't see himself in a chiefly role. That was his father's thing, and he didn't yet know what he was. For most of his life, he'd been defined by other people, and just now exploring the possibility that his entire life wasn't a waste of existence.

Stoick, however, saw differently. "But I see you out there improving the village and settling disputes with Vikings and Dragons like you were born for it. You're building and thinking and laughing like I've never seen. This job is everything you're good at, and there's room for all your interests!"

Even if his father was right, Hiccup couldn't bring himself to agree. "It's also all the stuff I'm not good at," he pointed out. "People get after me whenever the windmill or the water tower break down. What do you think's going to happen when_ all of Berk_ breaks down?"

"Oh, you're exaggerating," Stoick had dismissed. "Why do you always think disaster will fall if you set foot out the door?" And he fell silent as soon as he'd uttered it.

"Would you like me to answer that right now," Hiccup asked sardonically, "Or wait until I've got it alphabetized and annotated?" That ended the discussion, at least for another day. Stoick never really gave up on the idea. He was planning to announce his retirement the morning this whole mess started...

"Hiccup!" Hiccup broke out of his memories and shook his head, looking along the path to see who had called him. "Get over here!" It was Gobber, shoving a wheelbarrow full of bent and broken tools to the side in order to cuddle a Deadly Nadder.

A Deadly Nadder with a large, artificial leg... "_Thundercry?_ Is that you?"

"Sure is! Toothless found him, poor fellow looks spooked." Thundercry did look nervous and jittery, understandable after the incident with the Bewilderbeast, but the large dragon relaxed a little when Hiccup scratched below it's chin.

He hadn't seen Thundercry since he'd finished the Nadder's metal leg and the dragon returned to his home. "Did you get caught up in all this, too?" Hiccup said in sympathy, only able to imagine the horror all the dragons endured. Whether Valka's peaceful dragons finding war on their shores, the Berkian dragons being taken over in their sleep or the wild dragons captured for Drago's army, no one had escaped the tragedy. "Well, don't worry, you're among friends, now." Toothless wasn't the only brainwashed creature on that battlefield, or the only one in need of a safe haven to collect themselves.

Speaking of... "You said Toothless was here?" Hiccup hadn't seen him for a few hours. They'd been working together for most of the day, but dragon-exclusive duty finally called, and Hiccup had enough human responsibilities to take his attention, so the two were forced to divide and conquer. It was practical to do so, but Hiccup couldn't deny there were several issues shoved to the side in order to defeat Drago, and now that the urgency was passing, an awkward tension was setting into place. They needed to clear the air between them.

Unfortunately Gobber informed him, "He had to chase after a flock of Terrible Terrors before they got into our food stores." Hiccup's heart sank. Later, then. "But don't worry, he gave me those same wounded doe eyes you are, and I told him he'd probably catch you at the forge later tonight. That's where you're sleepin', isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah, if that's okay." With all the destroyed or ice-covered buildings, many families were displaced from their homes, so Hiccup offered up the space in his house. People thanked him, but Hiccup felt they were the ones doing him the favor. He wasn't really looking forward to a night in that house without his father snoring in the room below.

"Aye, I thought you'd be doing something o' the sort," Gobber said knowingly. Hiccup didn't like that he could be read so easily, especially now that he was required to appear strong and dependable. But even so, it was nice to have a friend on his side. Thundercry was oblivious to the potentially serious situation, however, and gave several loud squawks. "Now, what's got you all excited, you overgrown chicken?" Normally, Thundercry would have taken offense to that, but he was preoccupied with getting Hiccup's attention.

"What's that? I'm looking, I'm looking..." Upon inspection, he realized that Thundercry's false leg was dented, and no longer had any bend to it. "Oh, did it get busted in the fight? That's no good. Take it off, and Gobber and I can fix it for you."

"Sure, just add it to the pile." Thundercry pulled back the springform hinge Hiccup invented with his beak, while Gobber sighed. "Look at all this work. Figures it would pile up just as my apprentice resigns."

"What?" Hiccup was so startled that he almost fell over, only barely managing to hold onto Thundercry's leg as the dragon slipped out of it. It shouldn't have surprised him; of course Gobber would have to replace him, Hiccup could hardly run the village_ and_ work in the shop full-time.

Still, it felt like one more thing was being ripped away from him. "I, uh, I'm sorry," he said, trying to mask his sorrow at the loss of his boyhood. He hefted Thundercry's leg into the wheelbarrow. "You spent all that time training me, and now it's a waste."

"Hiccup, I know you're the chief's son, this was going to happen eventually," Gobber said, not acknowledging that there was a large span of time where Hiccup's birthright was irrelevant and that he'd just spoken about Stoick in the present tense. "It's not a waste. What's your father's first rule?"

"A chief's first duty is to his people," Hiccup replied, unable to quench the thought that Stoick had ignored all that to go chasing after his son at the first sign of trouble. When he should have abandoned the mutinous and tightened the defenses, he left Berk to go hunting after Hiccup.

Just like he promised he would. "That's right. No one wants a leader who doesn't know anything but how to sit on a throne," Gobber lectured. "You've worked side by side with your people, and now you've got something useful to bring to the job. That's worth having to train up another pint-sized smart-aleck."

"Thanks, Gobber." The words gave him a little more confidence, and he decided it wasn't so bad if Gobber could see through him, so long as the man kept putting a positive spin on Hiccup's emotions.

But Gobber could never resist the urge to tease. "Well, you've hardly shown up for work the past few weeks, anyway."

"Hey!" Hiccup gave Gobber a playful shove, one that didn't move the larger man an inch, but he was smiling again, and it wasn't forced. But the levity soon ended, as an old man further down the path slipped on a patch of ice, and Hiccup and Gobber abandoned their teasing to offer aid. Hiccup stumbled a little when his false leg failed again, but made it to the man's side, whom he recognized as Old Man Canker. "Are you hurt?"

"Just a slip on the ice, no need for all this fussin'," the old man grumbled, and he swatted Hiccup away once he was standing. "I don't need your help, boy."

"We know, we know, you've faced down dragons and Outcasts since you were in diapers, you don't need help from anyone," Gobber said with a wry smirk. "Forgive us if we forget, Your Mightyness." Old Man Canker growled at the mocking.

Hiccup had never been in the man's good graces, though he took solace in the fact that very few people were. The man was more tolerable than Mildew, and more reasonable, but still just as cranky and with no particular love for Hiccup. He distrusted any enterprise Hiccup had a hand in, and only begrudgingly deferred to him on dragon matters. When Hiccup's first windmill design had broken down, Old Man Canker took him to task in front of the whole village, hurling insults like poison darts. In seconds, he'd been reduced to fifteen years old, a pathetic waste forced to hear how ashamed his father must be.

Stoick hadn't been there at the time, but word got around to him eventually. Hiccup really didn't want to know what he might have heard, and so refused to talk about it.

There wasn't much the chief could do anyway. He could lecture and demand respect for his son, but he couldn't force people to feel respect in their hearts, and some people were always going to see Hiccup as useless, incompetent and damaged. It was a tough lesson to learn, but Hiccup had to remind himself, Old Man Canker's opinion wasn't shared. On that occasion, his fellow villagers had stood up for him and gave the support he'd been denied in his youth. He'd make mistakes, just as any other human, but Berk was no longer tolerant of pelting Hiccup with cruel words for every little thing.

Because of that, Hiccup could see Old Man Canker was just one man out of a hundred, and he could walk away from it. His father had brought about that change, cracking Berk open like a walnut to get to the truth of things.

Old Man Canker now squinted his eyes and looked Hiccup over. "I suppose I'm to be calling you chief, now?"

"Well, uh, you don't have to," Hiccup stammered, before catching Gobber's eye. "Hiccup is fine," he continued more confidently. "I'm still me, I didn't change overnight."

"No, you never did," the old man drawled, and Hiccup again felt fifteen, waking from a coma and wondering how the world changed so radically without him. "I suppose we could do worse." He waved off any further helping hands and walked down the lane, leaving Hiccup to accept that that was the closest thing to a vote of confidence as he was likely to get.

"Pay him no mind, Hiccup. You're doing fine," Gobber reassured, and Hiccup smiled gratefully. "You're doing your old man proud."

"I hope so," Hiccup exhaled, but he felt heavy as they walked back to Thundercry and the wheelbarrow. Gobber clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"He had faith in you. He loved you, don't be forgetting that."

"Yeah, I know," Hiccup sighed, shrugging a little. "But did he have to go_ that_ far to prove it to me?" Gobber's eyes were warm, more caring than Hiccup usually saw.

"There was nothing he'd rather die for than that." Both men had to turn their heads, suddenly emotional. "I'll just be dropping this off at the forge. Take care, Hiccup. Put your foot up and rest."

Hiccup promised to do so, and watched Gobber hobble down the road for a bit before turning to the Nadder. "Hey, think you can give me a ride to the Great Hall, Thundercry?" The dragon chirped in agreement, and Hiccup gingerly climbed up onto its back.

It was only after making the request that he remembered this was a massive inconvenience to Thnudercry. Bending down to give Hiccup access required putting the dragon's entire body weight onto one bent knee, and on top of that, it was likely that Thundercry was out of practice for carrying humans. But he seemed happy enough to do it, and Hiccup was glad to see that the harsh dip to the side upon takeoff had lessened considerably. In their time apart, Thundercry had learned to balance.

So had Hiccup, for the most part. "You missed a lot, big guy. There's been so many improvements since you left. I designed upgrades to the mill, all you can eat feeding stations, even state of the art fire prevention. Even if Berk weren't covered in ice, you'd still barely recognize the place." There were many changes over the past years, and how ironic that the most obvious changes happened after Berk stopped remodeling their houses every other month?

"You'll also be glad to hear Dad and I fight a lot less," Hiccup continued, before the horror of what he'd said struck him. It was all he could do to keep from falling off the dragon. "Well, actually, now we won't fight at all.." Thundercry tilted his head and looked back to Hiccup in that peculiar way only Nadders could manage, but the boy couldn't meet his eye.

"I'm the chief now," he whispered, finally having a second to feel all the extra weight that came with the fact. There would be no guiding hand to train him in his duties, and no more towering figure to look up to when he found himself at a loss. No more laughing together by the fire while Hiccup drew maps and Stoick relaxed with his woodwork. No longer would he pour out frustrations to a man who could tell the difference between the buried rage that needed to be said and when his son was being a whiny child. A father who understood how badly Hiccup_ needed_ to be that child, even when throwing tantrums, because he'd been deprived of the chance and never really learned how to love and be loved, how to discern between abuse and discipline, or how to express his anger appropriately. The person who understood Hiccup the least was simultaneously the one who understood him the most, and now the whole paradox was gone.

It was like learning to walk with a peg leg. Theoretically he know it would work, but there were a lot of painful steps before the activity became functional, and it was never quite the same as before. Hiccup knew he would be fine, but he shuddered to think of all the steps he'd take to get there.

Thundercry landed, a little clumsily. Hiccup was right to assume the dragon hadn't carried humans for awhile, but he touched down on his one leg without falling over, which was more than Hiccup could say for himself. His foot rotated out of place the second he put weight on it, and Thundercry had to catch him before the boy face-planted into the dirt. Hiccup frantically kicked his leg back into place before anyone noticed, while Thundercry helped and hindered by nuzzling him with his beak. While it didn't help Hiccup stay upright, it was the most comforting thing Hiccup had felt since letting go of Toothless.

When he finished, and didn't see anyone pointing or laughing, he let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." Hiccup gratefully stroked Thundercry's scales. "For the ride, and for everything." It was good to see an old friend, and he'd have loved to stay petting dragons for the next several hours, but he was chief now, and he was supposed to be doing the reassuring. "Everything's going to be fine. The Bewilderbeast and Drago are gone, and Toothless will take care of everyone now." Hiccup closed his eyes for a second and recalled the image of Toothless radiating that bright, brilliant blue. It canceled out the narrow, soulless eyes that were also burned into his brain. "And there is no one I trust more for that job. You're always welcome on Berk, you know that."

Thundercry chattered happily and Hiccup promised to have his leg fixed the following morning before the dragon flew off. The sun was starting to go down, casting an orange glow across the blocks of ice. It was beautiful, in a strange sort of way, but more importantly, it looked warm, like a fire on the hearth.

Warm, peaceful and quiet. His people had endured grief and hardship and would slog through more in the coming days, but right now they were all safe, fed and everyone had some sort of shelter to protect them from the night cold. In the aftermath of the greatest dragon raid Berk had ever known, that was one thing to be grateful for.

Hiccup walked into the Great Hall and made sure the bedrolls were enough to meet demand, that the food stores would hold up and that all the fires were stoked before finally accepting a plate of warm food and finding a quiet table to sit at. A few people came up to ask how he was holding up, add the the ever-growing list of needed repairs or exchange sorrow for their mutual losses, but after awhile, the people in the hall turned to their own business and left their new chief have a moment to himself.

Hiccup wasn't really in the mood to eat. He hadn't eaten since having a few bites of his mother's admittedly awful fish back at the dragon sanctuary, and had skipped breakfast before that, so he forced himself to swallow a bit in the interests of health. But it all tasted like sawdust. In the end, he only finished half his plate before he turned around to gaze at the shields along the wall.

All the past chiefs and their sons, immortalized for all eternity. Not far from Hiccup was the end of the line, the portrait of himself and his father. Both of them looked so much younger.

And happy. "Gods, I miss you, Dad." And this was only day one. Would it get easier or harder from here?

"Mr. Hiccup? I mean, Chief..." Hiccup turned to find two small children at his elbow.

It still felt weird for people to call him by his father's title. "Hey, Goose-egg. Rusthair. What can I do for you guys?" Except decree new traditions in naming children, trolls be damned.

The girl, Goose-egg, was holding a large steaming mug out to him. A tea, with a familiar mix of yellow weed and sprigs of lavender. The smell was one Hiccup knew well, ever since his father had sought Gothi for advice on helping his son. Once she'd told him of the plant's properties, Stoick had run out and gathered armfuls of lavender to fill up the house. Hiccup had come home to find the house a purple field, with sprigs sticking out of his father's beard, and he'd never laughed so hard in his life.

He did find it helped during the trying times, when his world had been melting down around him and trying to build itself up at the same time. The fact that both the yellow weed and lavender were medicines usually given to help mothers cope with newborns hadn't escaped Hiccup, or that Stoick procured these things for his son without a shred of shame or secrecy. That in itself may have done more for Hiccup than the plants themselves.

They'd come a long way since Hiccup was barred from eating in the Great Hall until he learned to use his right hand. "Mama said to give this to you," the little girl said, and her brother nodded beside her.

"She said you'd like it," the boy said around a sucking thumb. "I think it smells like bath water." Hiccup chuckled and took the mug, looking across the hall to the hearth, where the children's mother was dishing out soup to hungry villagers. When he caught her eye, the woman gave him a curt nod before retuning to her work, and Hiccup felt a strange warmth that didn't come from the drink.

"You have a very thoughtful mother," he said quietly, not sure if he was grateful or amazed or both. But whatever he felt about it, there was clearly no point in pretending to be the leader his father was. Berk already knew what he was and all the things he wasn't, and seemed mostly okay with it.

Hiccup thanked the children before leaning his back against the table and breathing in the steam. He could do this, he knew he could. The had been a time when he wasn't so sure, a time where buried doubts threatened to crush him, but he was stronger now. Berk was stronger now.

He had his father to thank for that. He'd been loved fiercely, and sometimes poorly, but he hadn't been abandoned as a failed project along the way, even when he was close to giving up on himself. Stoick was adamant and determined in everything he did, and once he was set on the right track, his efforts to help and mold his son into an adult actually brought good results.

They went through all of Hiccup's feelings, all his childhood, digging deeper and deeper into the mess and trying to make order from chaos. There were times Hiccup felt like giving up on all of it, and sometimes he and Toothless made it as far as Dragon Island before something inside made Hiccup turn around, every time hoping he wasn't a fool to do so.

And every time, Stoick would welcome him back with open arms. "I'm not in this for the end result, Hiccup," his father insisted. "I love you now, just as you are. And if any of this is making the world a little easier to live in, then it's worth it in my book. I'd give up the earth to have you here with me."

When they finally put words to what had happened, went beyond the misunderstandings and admitted to all the neglect and abuse, Hiccup found he didn't hate his father. He raged like a wildfire, now that he was allowed to voice all his buried feelings, but hate wasn't at the core, much as it may have looked that way to an outsider. One the night that Hiccup finally released his soul from its deepest chains, he'd railed against his father and futilely beat his fists against that massive chest.

"I didn't do anything to deserve that!" he'd screamed, fully comprehending that for the first time. "It wasn't my job to make you love me!"

He was thinking of that when his mother, Valka, sat down beside him and startled him out of his memories. She was holding two tankards of mead, but was disappointed when she saw he already had a drink. "Tea? I would have thought you'd want something stronger," she said, almost as if confused by the concept of drinking something so bland.

Hiccup just chuckled and refused the offered drink. "Nah, Toothless might need to fly and I'm no good to him buzzed." As much as Hiccup wanted to get drunk off his face, he had responsibilities now, and Berk was still in a state of uncertainty. He couldn't disappear into a bottle while crisis still loomed on the horizon, and anyway, past experience had taught him that pouring alcohol on his problems led to extremely self-destructive decision making. Best to wait until peace was assured, and Hiccup had come to terms with his new situation a bit, and then he could consider drinking his thoughts right out of his head.

He was much better off with the tea in times of stress. His mother wrinkled her nose as Hiccup sipped his fragrant concoction, but chuckled to herself. "A Viking who turns down a drink, that has to be the first." Hiccup almost choked. He'd forgotten that even though Valka shared a lot in common with him, they were different as well. She might sympathize with dragons, but she was still a strong, powerful warrior and fit the Viking image in just about every other respect. Her idea of making peace was unpopular, but she wasn't weak and helpless, and after seeing her on the battlefield defending against Drago, Hiccup was fairly sure his mother had enough courage and skill to stand at Stoick's side without shame. Even now, most of the tension or awkwardness between Valka and the residents of Berk came from the fact that Valka hadn't spoken to another human in nearly two decades and that everyone thought she was dead.

They were alike, but also so different, and Valka didn't know anything about Hiccup's life before her. She didn't know that her son had grown up aggressively defined as "not-like-the-rest-of-us-Vikings" and he wasn't sure how to tell her, or if he even should.

Valka continued to make faces at the tea's aroma, but finally raised an eyebrow in recognition. "That smell, is that...?" She'd just realized the usual purpose of those plants. Now it was Hiccup's turn to make a face.

"Yes," he grumbled, and said no more. Valka didn't ask. Instead, she let her eyes wander to the shield paintings on the wall, while Hiccup breathed deeply and sipped his tea. Now that they actually had time to catch up and build a relationship, he wasn't sure exactly how this would go. "Have you decided where you're going to stay tonight?" he asked, "There's still some room in, um, our house." Another awkward situation. Technically, it was just Hiccup's house now. Except it had been Valka's before Hiccup was born. But who was to say she wanted to stay there now that Stoick was gone, even after all the refugees were cleared out, or if she'd recognize it after it had been rebuilt so many times?

"I thought I'd sleep in the stables with Cloudjumper and the other dragons." She said 'stables' like she still couldn't believe that existed on Berk. "It seems half the village is holed up in that house. Is there even room for you?"

"I'll be sleeping at the forge until we get those homes rebuilt," Hiccup laughed. "I'm an only child, I'm not so good at sharing a room."

"The forge!" Valka looked almost scandalized. "You're sleeping in the blacksmith's shop? Oh, Hiccup, there's not enough walls to keep out the cold-"

This from a woman who was planning to sleep in the stables. "Relax, Mom. I used to sleep there all the time." He was about to say that once he lit the forge, the cold wouldn't be a problem, but Valka's face had grown dark.

"What do you mean, all the time?" she snapped. "What was your father thinking, letting you camp out surrounded by swords and molten metal?" To be honest, Hiccup wasn't always sure what his father thought of it, or if he was aware of just how frequently Hiccup used the forge as a refuge. But since the time he was very young, he'd escaped to a marginally safer place after an argument, or even an evening with such sparse conversation that the silence suffocated him.

"It's fine. I work with all those swords and molten metal. Or I did, until today." His face fell at the reminder, while Valka's looked interested.

"You're the blacksmith?" She was surprised, and pleasantly so, by the tone of her voice, but Hiccup also caught a hint of disbelief. Her eyes darted to his thin arms and slight shoulders, and Hiccup's lip twitched in irritation.

"Apprentice, yes. And I'm very good." He'd not only designed half the village, but help Gobber build most of it, fashioning every last scrap of metal into shape and overseeing all the construction.

His dad was right, in a way, Hiccup_ had_ been carrying out chiefly duties for years. Perhaps the adjustment wasn't so wide as he imagined it would be. "I never knew." Valka sat back and once again looked to the painting of Stoick and his son. "There's so much I never knew..." She trailed off, eyes roving over the portrait, and Hiccup joined her. Despite his tumultuous thoughts, it brought a smile to his face. He missed his father terribly, but he had no regrets or unfinished business to cloud the good memories, and that was something to be treasured.

Eventually, he noticed his mother's eyes looking from the shield to his foot, and back again. He saw the question on her lips even before she voiced it, and rolled his eyes. Sooner or later, everybody asked about the leg. "How old were you, when it happened?"

"About fifteen. Not long before that painting, actually," he thought back. That was so long ago, it was hard to remember if it had been three months, or closer to six, or had they posed for it much earlier, while winter was just thawing out?

"So young," Valka breathed, and Hiccup took a sip of tea.

"Yep," he smacked his lips. "New Berk record!" He smirked a little at his mother's aghast expression. "Not like anyone's really anxious to take my title." When she still looked horrified, Hiccup sighed. "It's not a big deal. Not like I forget it's there or anything, but I barely remember what having two legs was like." He held out his left leg, remembering that he needed to clean out those gears before he went to bed. "This is just who I am now. It's part of me. All the things I lost are part of me, now."

He hadn't meant to say that last bit. It revealed too much, but it just slipped out, and he saw Valka puzzling over just what else Hiccup might have lost. "How did it happen?"

"Fighting the leader of the dragons' nest. It was a pretty tough battle." He wasn't sure how to best condense the story to hide all the personal things he wasn't ready to share, but his mother's reaction told him he could have chosen better.

"Your father sent you to fight a nest of dragons at _fifteen?_" she hissed before Hiccup could elaborate, again the feral woman he'd first been introduced to.

"Um, that's not exactly it, uh..." he wasn't too eager to explain how he'd lost his best friend, father and tribe in one go, and running in to save them all at the eleventh hour was the last thing Stoick expected or wanted. "More like I volunteered..."

His mother was not appeased. "And where was your father while his child was signing up to be maimed?" Her fury struck something in Hiccup, stirred up a bunch of bitter embers that he'd been content to leave alone.

"A lot closer than you were," he snapped, though he regretted it the second he'd said it. Valka looked crushed, and while there was some validity to Hiccup's words, this wasn't how he wanted to go about resolving the issue. "I'm sorry, that was really..." Harsh? Blunt? True? "...rude." Whether his feelings were justified or not, Hiccup could recognize that he sometimes let his anger rule him, lashing out specifically to hurt rather than to express his grievances.

His dad took it in stride, at least once the doors of communication were opened. "You're just in one of your moods," he would grumble once Hiccup calmed down, careful not to raise his voice and add fuel to the fire. "You don't have to fight so hard for people to listen to you." And that was a tough thing to remember, because he'd spent most of his life with an almost innate knowledge that no one would ever listen. He blocked lectures with sarcasm while his own words were waved off like mosquitoes, and once it seemed he _could_ directly challenge his father, he suddenly had so much worth yelling about.

Hiccup hadn't lied when he told Valka he was willing to give her another chance. He wanted her to stay, and he wanted to get to know his mother, have her be a part of his life. But he was a grown man now, and there was a darkness in his past that she had no knowledge of.

He thought of all the years he'd been alone, and of the difficulty he had convincing Berk to accept dragons. He remembered how he'd convinced himself he could remember his mother's face, remember her playing with him, only for his father to finally sit him down and explain that he'd been too young to ever really know her. He thought of the daydreams where his mother wasn't eaten, but alive and well on some faraway island and someday she'd come back.

But all of that had to be brought to reality eventually, because Hiccup had never known the love of his mother outside of infancy, and she had to be dead, because if a woman loved her son enough to give her life, surely she would have tried to come back to him if the dragons had let her draw breath?

His mother had twenty years to contact her son, and her husband. At any point, she could have sailed or flown by, even if it was just to tell Stoick that she needed to stay away. She could have tried to work out a compromise, could have sent a message detailing her choices and begging for understanding, or even snuck by Berk in secret to see if her son and love were still alive.

All the choices she could have made, and Valka had written them off. She hadn't sought him out, but would have been content to be alone until he happened upon her, and he only had a chance to form a bond because he fit the arbitrary criteria she'd set out. If he'd have taken more after Stoick, burly and less into flying, she would want nothing to do with him.

He shuddered to imagine what might have happened if they'd stumbled upon each other before meeting Toothless, when killing a dragon was the entire purpose of Hiccup's life and he had no reason to believe that was wrong.

Yes, he understood that the situation was complicated and his mother regretted many of her choices, but it still hurt. Valka hadn't meant to send the message that Hiccup was not worth the trouble, hardship and grief that might have come with staying on Berk, but that was what she'd said with her actions, and she hadn't yet proved herself trustworthy enough to set that aside. Forgetting Hiccup was easier, running away from problems was easier, and who was to say she wouldn't run again when things got hard?

He wasn't sure he was ready to go through the whole cycle with a second parent. Hiccup sighed and set his mug down. "Mom, I'm really glad you're here, and I do want to start over, but there's some things you need to understand." He turned to face Valka, waiting until she lifted her face to meet his.

He didn't want to hurt her, he really didn't. But Hiccup had been hurt, both by her absence and by so many people in the interim, and he needed to protect himself. He wouldn't survive giving out pieces of his heart to people he didn't trust to take care of it, leaving himself open to further injury. And it was his right not to. They were _his_ issues and this was_ his_ heart, it was _not_ his responsibility to make himself someone his mother would love, or to make her feel good about herself. Forgiveness, he could give easily. Trust and a healthy, functional relationship wouldn't come until everything was taken apart and cleaned out.

"You missed a lot while you were gone." So, so much. And Hiccup had no guarantee that she would accept him once she was caught up. Stoick may have been able to accept his son as a hiccup, a dragon sympathizer, and a broken, damaged human being, but it meant he had to change. Stoick changed Berk and changed himself all so that Hiccup would have a safe place to grow, and Hiccup had no idea if his mother would be willing to do the same. "There are some things in my past I'm not ready to share with you, yet."

Perhaps she would be ashamed of him, or maybe she'd think it was too awkward to deal with, or too much work to repair what she'd broken with her absence. He'd like to think higher of Valka, but Hiccup had a lifetime of rejection to tell him not everyone could be depended on. Certainly, not everyone could be expected to make the same monumental changes as Stoick the Vast. "You're my mother, but you haven't been my mother for a very long time, and we're going to have to work on that."

"I understand," she said quietly, and Hiccup nodded. His parents were human, they made mistakes just like he did. They weren't Gods who knew all and saw the consequences of their actions before they made them. Now that he was older, he was starting to wrap his head around that concept.

"Second," he felt his voice waver with emotion, the memories still too close, "You don't get to judge Dad." Because it would have to come out eventually. Before Valka could say anything, he pushed ahead. "Dad made a lot of mistakes, and some of them are really hard to live with, but he never ran away from any of them. He faced up to every single one, and I raked him over the coals for it, but he stayed and did everything he could..."

Not for himself. That was what convinced Hiccup to stay, when he felt it would be easier to just run away with Toothless and never come back. His father's efforts to make things right with his son weren't born from personal need, or even a plea for forgiveness, though Hiccup granted that without much work. Everything was for Hiccup, every last effort was for Hiccup to feel whole and loved again, regardless of whether Hiccup forgave his father or accepted him back in that role.

It was a tall order to ask of his mother, but his father had done it. Because he felt Hiccup deserved that. "It was hard for him, but he never made me feel like I wasn't worth that, and I was so_ loved_, Mom." That was one thing he'd never forget, after all he'd been through. Hiccup was loved. He'd never felt that more than in these past two years where he'd carved open pussy and infected wounds until he couldn't help but scream. "And he had to go through that alone. So please, don't think bad of him. He did his best." His very best. Hiccup was proud to have Stoick the Vast as his father, flaws and all, and no one would ever again convince him that the feeling wasn't mutual.

Valka nodded, forcing a small smile. "I know he was a good man, and that he loved you. He'd be so proud of you now." Relieved, Hiccup sat back and returned to his drink, sucking up the last, flavorful drops in an attempt to hide his face. "He was," he murmured around the mug, feeling awkward and embarrassed now that his speech was finished.

"I wasn't there for you, when you were a wee thing trying to make your way in the world," his mother said softly. "But I hope I can be there from now on."

"I'd like that." Hiccup's voice was just as subdued. "That would be..." a miracle that only existed in his dreams "...great. It's just going to take time." Valka nodded.

"I suppose it's as they say, Time heals all wounds." Hiccup frowned, but said nothing. Soon after, he bid his mother good night and walked down to the forge, trying to cast off his murky feelings. It was just a saying, and Valka hadn't meant anything by it, but Hiccup knew time didn't heal anything. In his case, time made everything worse. Waiting around and hoping the problem would go away if you didn't bother it was how they'd let the situation get so bad. Time didn't heal all wounds.

Effort did.

But effort _was_ difficult and time-consuming, so Hiccup supposed he'd just have to reconcile himself to the fact. His mother's magical reappearance in his life wasn't going to be sunshine and flowers all the time, but that didn't mean everything wasn't going to be okay. He limped into the forge, heavily favoring the leg he knew wasn't going to collapse under him, and smiled when he saw Toothless waiting for him in the dark.

"Hey, there, bud..." Toothless jumped to his feet and it was a small miracle that nothing was knocked off the walls or shelves in the dragon's attempts to greet his rider. "Missed you, too. It's been a long day."

Too long. And the day before that was even worse. "How are you holding up?" He meant the responsibilities, the grief and loss, or even the weight of anticipation and excitement that came with his new position, but Toothless instead turned to jerk his head at the riding gear. By misunderstanding or willful avoidance of Hiccup's words, he indicated that something was wrong with the left foot pedal, it had been forced out of alignment. Hiccup noticed that while flying earlier, Drago had utterly mangled the gear in taking over Toothless, and while the pedal still worked, it was bent and askew like a frustrated toddler had bashed it with a bludgeon. Luckily, it was nothing a few twists with a wrench couldn't fix.

If Toothless had nothing more pressing to ask of him, then Hiccup was happy to help with this problem. But he remembered the dragon's horrified eyes as his best friend shoved him away, and the almost disbelieving joy he'd seen when Hiccup finally found him again. After a lifetime of whining that no one could be trusted, no one ever listened, everyone was so willing to push him away when things got hard, it was Hiccup himself who turned his back on a friend who'd proved himself at every turn.

He wondered if this was how his father felt, sometimes. He finished screwing the pedal on straight, then took Toothless' face in his hands. "Hey, bud?" His voice was serious, and Toothless shrunk a little in anticipation. Hiccup hated that, Toothless had never cowered in front of him before, not even when Hiccup held a knife over his heart.

"It wasn't your fault." There was no need to explain the subject. "But I made you feel like it was. I'm so sorry."

Toothless gave a sad croon, forgiving Hiccup. He'd probably forgiven Hiccup the second it had been said, but that wasn't the point. Hiccup knew that just because you forgave someone didn't mean the pain left, although it did help. It was just one step of the process, and it was Hiccup's job to go the rest of the way.

"I was wrong, bud. You've never done anything but good for this family." How scared Toothless must have been, being controlled and taken against his will, seeing Stoick lying amongst the rubble, having a madman in his saddle while Berk crumbled to ruin below him. They could have mourned together, found their courage together, but Hiccup had chosen anger instead. "You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry that I pushed you away, and that because of me, you didn't get to say goodbye..."

He felt Toothless nuzzling his chest and smiled; they would be okay. They'd lived through Hiccup crippling Toothless, they lived through the Red Death and they would survive this loss, too. As long as Toothless understood his friend was simply an idiot, and Hiccup didn't let this grow into something worse, they would be fine. "I was angry and hurt, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It wasn't your fault, and I love you more than anything else." He pressed his head to Toothless', closing his eyes. "Please don't feel guilty about anything."

Toothless bumped back Hiccup's face and licked it, and Hiccup laughed through the wall of slobber. It could be he was over-reacting, after all, Toothless rarely took him seriously when he was angry and ranting anyway. But still, he knew how easily a thoughtless word could be left to fester, and he didn't want to start a trend where he yelled at his best friend and Toothless accepted that as okay.

They lived in a different world now, a better world, and his father was the one to teach Hiccup that you could, in fact, right a wrong. Perhaps he would make mistakes just as his father had, but he had the best example in the world on how to fix it. Anger, fear, harsh words and other mistakes might be made on all sides, but there was no need for anyone to continue suffering.

He'd always assumed peace meant the absence of conflict, but he was starting to wonder if there was more to it than that. After all, he and Stoick had technically been "at peace" with each other for years, but the real tension only dispelled after engaging in conflict. Maybe peace required more than passively not attacking, and maybe the result had tears along with the joy.

It was something to consider, now that it was his job to consider these things. But for now, he was just happy to hold Toothless.

Which only lasted for about five seconds, when the deafening noise of arguing Thunderdrums rippled through the air. Hiccup couldn't be sure, but it sounded suspiciously like Bing, Bang and Lloyd. "Well, let's go break them up..." But Toothless just sighed and nudged Hiccup back with a look that seemed to say, "It's not worth the trouble, you just relax." Hiccup protested a little, but eventually Toothless won the silent argument with a few kind licks and went springing into the night air alone.

Hiccup worried for a moment that Toothless would have trouble rounding them up without Hiccup there to fly, but then he remembered the respect Toothless commanded now. Toothless had to avert his eyes when meeting the white Bewilderbeast, and now he was the one in the position of power. Hiccup imagined a few rebukes from their leader would bring even the most mischievous dragons in line.

He hoped Toothless never had to use any sort of control like Drago or the Red Death had, though. Even if it were necessary, and Toothless' motives were pure, the idea of it sent chills down his spine. Hiccup shook off the unwelcome memories just in time to hear a soft knock against the counter.

"Hey, chief. How was the first day on the job?" Astrid leaned over the counter and grinned at him and Hiccup smiled back as he stood. Astrid Hofferson, an oasis in a sea of chaos. He beckoned for her to come inside, but just as he was about to take her in his arms, his false leg gave out and he collapsed into hers with a frustrated groan.

"Hiccup? You okay?" She tried to set him back on his feet, but it was the legs themselves that were the problem, one sliding out of place while the good one had slipped in the dirt and barely had a toe to balance on. Almost all of his weight was on Astrid, and he was getting fed up pretending.

"No, just set me down, my leg's broken," he told his girlfriend, who did so in a panic.

"Broken? How bad do-" she broke off once she helped him sit and Hiccup began removing his prosthetic, the revolving pegs swinging uselessly. "Oh. Your leg's broken..." Hiccup winked at her.

"Yeah, it took some abuse today." He gave his stump an absent rub, happy to finally be off it. "But I'm not the only one. I saw Thundercry earlier, his leg looks like the twins used it for target practice." He gestured the the wheelbarrow of broken and mangled things Gobber had dropped off and sighed. There was so much work to be done still...

But Astrid was ecstatic at the news of their old friend. "Thundercry? I haven't seen him in ages!" She grinned to herself. "There's so many familiar faces flying around. I thought I saw Torch earlier, and Ruff and I ran into Scauldy! I bet Thornado's even around here somewhere-" And suddenly, she stopped. Hiccup could only swallow.

"It's a shame we couldn't all reunite under better circumstances," he finally choked out, and Astrid silently nodded. Their friends had only assembled because Drago had been capturing them as slaves, and gods, he didn't want to be around when Thornado found out about his former rider. He really hoped Toothless wasn't around either, because Alpha or no, when dragons decided something was worth investing emotion into it, every attack on it became personal. It was why they held grudge matches to the death; they could be so callous about most things, shrug off killing and violence with little regrets, but the things that mattered to them went above life itself.

Toothless didn't just risk his life for Hiccup, his life_ was_ Hiccup, and today he'd challenged an Alpha solely to defend him. If Thornado didn't throw a raging tantrum once he heard the whole story, Hiccup would be shocked.

"I don't see Grump around. Do you want me to light the forge?"

"Yeah, that would be good. I think he's staying at Gobber's tonight." Hiccup turned his false leg over in his hands and opened up the mechanism. As he'd suspected, the insides were clogged with mud and dirt, no wonder they weren't working properly. He looked across the shop to the table with rags and bristled brushes and grumbled to himself. He should have grabbed those before he sat down.

Without thinking, he got on his knees and crawled across the shop to the table. He poked through the lower drawers for an oil can before pulling himself to his foot to grab a rag and a bottle brush, and it was only as he was about the make the trek back that he realized what he'd just done.

Astrid was staring, her mouth slightly open. _And why not?_ Hiccup wondered. It wasn't every day you saw your boyfriend -let alone your chief- crawling through the dirt like an animal.

He turned his head away, hoping his red face of shame wouldn't be noticed in the dim light. As embarrassed as he was, he also wanted to snap that girl's jaw shut and force her eyes back into her head, because if they got married, there was going to be so much leg-specific weirdness going on in their house and Hiccup didn't want to have to hide it. Sometimes he hopped, sometimes he crawled, and sometimes he needed a crutch around the house. Things hurt when the weather changed and sometimes he felt toes moving when he didn't have them anymore and going out to relieve himself in the middle of a freezing winter night was on par with facing Dagur and his armada.

This was how he lived now. He never had to hide in front of his dad or Toothless, but now his mother was going to be a part of his life, and Astrid soon after. Just when he was starting to feel normal, he was reminded of how different he was.

But Astrid said nothing, and Hiccup hopped back to his leg and flopped onto a bench to start cleaning it out. When she finished her task, Astrid came over to sit by him. "Hiccup, there's something I need to tell you."

He was almost afraid to ask, but looked up from his work and nodded. "Okay. Shoot."

Never once had he seen Astrid so nervous. "...I'm the reason Drago attacked Berk." When Hiccup just raised an eyebrow in confusion, she rushed on, "Stoick told me to lead everyone back home, but when you didn't come back, I went looking for you and we all got captured by Drago! If I hadn't told him about you and the Dragon Riders, he'd have stayed out on his boat and this wouldn't have happened."

That actually explained a few things, though Hiccup had heard patches of the story throughout the day from his other friends. "He wouldn't have stayed there forever," Hiccup pointed out kindly. "He'd have taken over all the islands in time."

"Yeah, but if I hadn't opened my big mouth, maybe we could have been ready for him!" Astrid argued. "Built our own army! He wouldn't have challenged the white Bewilderbeast, he wouldn't have got Toothless, and your dad..." A lot of things could have been different. "I'm so sorry, Hiccup. This is all my fault."

"No, it's Drago's fault," Hiccup said, and tried to sound authoritative instead of broken. "And if we're going to start asking about maybes and what ifs, don't forget who wanted to find Drago in the first place." There was a whole lot of blame with Hiccup's name on it if they decided to go there.

"I thought I could intimidate him. I mean, if he had to tie up dragons with chains and traps, how powerful could he be?" They'd all underestimated him, Astrid underestimated his strength and Hiccup underestimated the depths of his hate. _Stoick_ had been right all along, but Hiccup wrote him off as being bull-headed, just like when he tried to tame a dragon in the Kill Ring.

But Stoick hadn't dismissed or belittled his son this time. He rode out and tried to save him, he explained the reasons behind his actions and tried to convince Hiccup with logic and words. And he backed Hiccup up when there was no going back and even admitted that Hiccup's mutiny had led to some good results.

Hiccup had been the wrong one, this time. He'd set out to make peace with something that was as bloodthirsty as the dragons were once thought to be, and he'd been completely incorrect. He'd gone against his tribe leader, endangered himself and everyone who followed him, and if there was ever a time when Hiccup deserved to be disowned, banished and left to die, it was now.

But Stoick hadn't done any of that. Hiccup wouldn't do that to Astrid. "I'm sorry, Hiccup. None of this would have happened if I hadn't messed up." He put his arms around Astrid and pulled her closer to him.

"You didn't mess up," he said sternly. It felt so wrong for Astrid to be questioning herself, almost as if he were the one who needed to be rebuked for letting her doubt. "Your chief and his heir were missing, and you were the only one with enough opportunity to do anything about it. Rescuing people is part of what we do in Dragon Academy, so don't blame yourself for doing your job."

"I'm still the reason they went straight to Berk," Astrid said heavily, and Hiccup just held her tighter.

"You didn't know what he was capable of. Your plan would have worked with any other rival tribe. But you protected the people around you and you crippled his army as he was attacking the Dragon Sanctuary. You did what you thought was best, so don't beat yourself up because this time there was more going on than you knew." Maybe his father would still be alive if Astrid made different choices, but the same could be said of Hiccup, and he didn't want to live in a world where Astrid second-guessed herself and didn't protect everyone under her care.

But Astrid couldn't accept his optimistic take on the situation. "Hiccup, people are dead!" And there was nothing Hiccup could say to that. "People died because of me!" She sobbed into Hiccup's chest and he pretended he wasn't crying into her hair, because he understood all too well. They grew up in war, but it was their parents who faced the consequences. Hiccup and Astrid never had to worry about the effects of their decisions on others to such a degree, had never been responsible for ordering people into battle and having lives upon their conscience.

Until now. The weight was difficult to bear. "It's not your fault, Astrid," Hiccup told the distraught girl in his arms, because that was all he could think of to say, even as she wailed that she didn't want to be a soldier anymore and how could Hiccup stand to look at her now?

He'd already pushed away Toothless, and regretted every second of it. He wasn't about to push Astrid away, too. So he told her over and over how it wasn't her fault, that he didn't hate her, that she did everything she could and Hiccup was so proud of her. None of that was a lie. He was hurt, Astrid had made the wrong choice, but only because she lacked information to make the right one, and the result they ended up at might have ultimately been the best case scenario. Who was to say running back to Berk and fortifying wouldn't have just resulted in more slaughter, with several islands joining the fate of their home?

No, Astrid had flown out to protect him and hadn't let a single person or dragon in her party down, she defended her people with or without her axe, and Hiccup couldn't imagine any improvements to that. Even while he was miles away, Astrid had been backing him up and supporting him, and he was grateful for everything she'd done.

It took awhile to drive home the message that he didn't blame her for anything, so Hiccup and Astrid sat for quite some time with their arms around each other, just whispering out prayers of gratitude that neither of them had been killed over the past two days. When they finally pulled apart, they both had tear tracks on their faces. "I love you," Hiccup said, earnestly, almost begging Astrid to accept it as truth.

Her smile was hopeful, but still marred by the recent tears. "Really?"

"Of course." As if one mistake would ever turn him away from her. He kissed her then, knowing actions meant far more to Astrid than words. In her mind, physical contact was the purest form of communication, the most direct way to send one's feelings. Hiccup wasn't so sure he agreed, but he put his heart and soul into kissing Astrid until he saw some of the pain leave her eyes. "Please don't ever change."

"If you insist." She seemed to be getting some of her confidence back, and tried to kiss him on the nose, but Hiccup moved at the last second and retaliated. It turned into a game, both of them ducking and weaving their heads to try and plant their lips on the other, until Hiccup finally won the lead by diving for Astrid's neck. "Hey! Not fair!"

"Mmm, blame it on my evil sexy powers," he murmured between kisses. He suddenly realized how close he could have come to losing her, how easily one of them could have been mourning over the other's still body, and he needed to be close to her. He planted kisses from her neck to her jawline until finally devouring her lips with a hunger he never showed in public.

Sometimes it felt like Astrid was burning him alive. Like a piece of scrap metal in the forge, Hiccup could feel himself melting under the heat, and only Astrid knew what he would be after he was thrown onto the anvil. Even now, her fingers unbuckled and stripped away his armor like a flame burning away impurities. Perhaps there was something to Astrid's communication theory, for all his walls were burning away and nothing could stop her from touching and shaping his soul.

He had to admit, the intimacy frightened him a little, as his head slowly caught up to the bliss and reminded him of all ways he could potentially mess this up. The doubts in his mind were hard to silence, and there were still hidden pitfalls that could trap Hiccup and send him into a dark and lonely place.

And one such trap was triggered when Astrid pulled all but his last layer of clothing over his head, leaving only a green, sleeved undershirt as protection for his chest. He'd already loosed Astrid's fur hood and iron spaulders in order to more conveniently bestow love on her neck and shoulders, but with all the armor stripped away, his brain was catching up to what his hands and mouth were doing, and reminded him of the inevitable conclusion.

Even though his tunic covered him from his collarbone to his wrists, Hiccup felt suddenly naked, more so when Astrid's strong hands ran over his shoulders like the fabric wasn't even there. Memories of that awful day in the woods when he first tried to seduce Astrid began to surface, his chest bare under the moonlight and unable to breathe with the realization that he wasn't good enough for the treasure in front of him.

That day, he'd been so overcome by panic and despair that he accidentally set the town thinking Astrid attacked him. These days, his failure to perform usually just resulted in him crying all over his girlfriend. But Hiccup tried to focus on the present and leave the memories behind, even as the fears and frustrations began to take hold. Hadn't this been his idea? He started it, he wanted it, so why couldn't he ever finish it? Why were they always cutting the night short because of him?

It wasn't fair to Astrid. _He_ wasn't fair to Astrid. Didn't she deserve a strong man who could take her in his arms instead of a toothpick she could crush under her hands? A lover who could actually handle the business of lovemaking? She gave Hiccup so much and he gave so little, he couldn't even give her basic pleasure. What kind of gratitude was that to show, after the gods had pitied the little hiccup and sent a Valkyrie to love him?

By all rights, it shouldn't have been this way. He should have ended up with a weak, wispy girl whose own bitterness made her plain, an angry harpy with no imagination who was only with Hiccup because she couldn't do any better, and would resent him for that all their lives. That was how things worked, Hiccup didn't deserve to be loved, least of all by the strongest, bravest, most admirable warrior Berk had ever known.

But he was. He pushed back from Astrid, about to end the activities before he spiraled down any further, but before he could speak, he saw scarlet fabric rising through the space between them and over Astrid's head.

And then all he saw was skin. Hiccup gave out a squeak he wasn't especially proud of before his voice stopped working altogether. Of course, Astrid still had strips of cloth across her chest, so he wasn't actually seeing anything_ indecent_, but still...

Gods, she was beautiful. Her body was a landscape of curved muscle, her shoulders broader and more defined than his own. Yes, Astrid was a Viking warrior to be praised, a being from the heavens that men wrote songs and legends about. And here she was, apparently waiting for Hiccup to touch her.

When he didn't right away, or have any other positive reaction besides maintaining the art of inhaling air, he saw those magnificent shoulders shrink. He cursed himself a little, of course, this was a vulnerable moment for her, too, and he closed the space between them. "You're so beautiful," he whispered into her ear, almost choked with emotion. "I love you."

He heard those words echoed back to him, and his hands shook as they ran over the soft skin. It almost hurt, how full his heart was for Astrid, and knowing that she was right there under his fingertips. But with every touch, every euphoric sensation, the doubts in his mind whispered that he was doing it all wrong, he would surely make a mess of things, he was going to hurt Astrid or make her reject him. Even if Hiccup could worship that body correctly, it would never be enough to satisfy Astrid, because goddesses deserved more than one-legged failures who sometimes crawled on the floor like the dogs-

Hiccup sat back and sent Astrid a look with his eyes. Just one look was all that was necessary. She gave an understanding smile and pulled away, and Hiccup tried to quell his shaking hands while she slipped her shirt back over her head. In time, his breath and his reason came back to him, and he reached out for Astrid's hand.

"Thank you," he said as he pressed a kiss to her palm, and he left it there because he couldn't think of a romantic way to tell her that this wasn't her fault and he was going to be dreaming about her glorious, naked body every night for the rest of his life. Not that those dreams hadn't come up already, but the real thing was both completely different and infinitely better than anything his imagination would conjure up.

Astrid smiled back at him with her perfect eyes and a knowing smile. "You act like I'm the one doing you the favor."

He'd once believed that Astrid would never look at him. Even when that changed, the idea that she would want to touch him was hard to accept. Absolutely incomprehensible was the idea that she would ever want him to touch _her_.

But gone were the days where he felt like a piece of trash by the side of the road, or a soulless and unloved tool Astrid might use to "get the job done". Those thoughts still lingered in the back of his mind and still tried to claw at him, but Hiccup was so much stronger and they were so much weaker.

"Astrid, thank you," he said again, now referencing so much more than this one moment. "Without you, I..."

"You would be fine, Hiccup." She squeezed his hand. "Have a little more faith in yourself."

But while it was true that Hiccup had befriended dragons, challenged tradition and done a great many things without Astrid's help, he still couldn't deny the effect she'd had on his life. "That first time I told you how I felt about being punched," the first day he'd had the courage to tell her no, and asked her to change how she treated him, "And how I felt when you kissed me, that was the first time I tried to talk to anyone like that." The first time he dared to question the status quo, suggest that maybe, the normal behavior he was accustomed to receiving was wrong. "And you listened."

Every time Hiccup had a concern, Astrid listened. Even when his ideas were wrong, she allowed him to say how he felt, and treated those feelings with respect. "How I felt mattered to you. I didn't have to just accept how people treated me, I could ask them to stop, you taught me I was worth that." It gave him the courage to attempt the same thing with his father, to demand basic respect from the rest of Berk, solely because he was human. "You showed me people could change. Because of you, my life is so much better than I ever thought it could be." He pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you."

"Well, of course, I love you..." Poetic words weren't Astrid's strongest skill, but she always said the things Hiccup needed to hear the most. Sometimes that was harsh and rebuking... "Nothing else in my life means as much as you do."

...and sometimes it was beautiful. "I'm sorry I'm always making you wait," Hiccup apologized. "To get married, and, uh... the stuff married people do..."

"I understand, Hiccup." He was lucky that she did, but he felt bad all the same. He wanted to give her everything, but he couldn't marry Astrid and tie her down if he wasn't willing to be all a husband should.

"I'm doing my best, but I'm sorry," he sighed, letting go of her hand and picking his leg up from where he'd dropped it. He resumed cleaning it, threading the rag through the gears for a distraction. "I still can't get it together, and you're the one who has to wait. So, sorry." Astrid was quiet for a moment, then inched a little closer.

That miniscule space suddenly felt like a great expanse being crossed. "I know you have a lot on your mind now, what with running the village, your mom being back and, um, your dad..." Hiccup stiffened a little, but shook it off, wiping the small parts of metal clean and feeling his mind clear with the process. "But if it's just the sex holding you back, you could just marry me anyway."

Hiccup nearly dropped the leg. "But, that's- you'd be settling for-" he stopped himself before he could say 'less'. "You'd put up with all the housework and boring parts of marriage without getting to do any of the good stuff?"

"I'd be with you every day. That's good enough for me." Hiccup couldn't say he wasn't flattered, but he also wasn't sure he fully believed it. "I've been thinking lately, sex probably isn't the most important part of love. I mean, look at your parents. Your mom came back to Berk because of you and your dad, you talked it out and trusted each other. You and I already do all that when things get hard."

He found himself agreeing, despite himself. Astrid had been a treasured partner for years, and they'd weathered more than a few storms together. "But right now, I can't..."

"It'll happen when it happens, Hiccup," Astrid dismissed the worry. "You can't force it, and I'm not going to. Does it really matter if we do it on our wedding night, or sometime later?"

"What if I can't do it at all?" Hiccup asked quietly, for that was the fear that always haunted him. What if he never got over this last hurdle, and spent his whole life making promises to Astrid that would never be fulfilled?

But while Astrid's face was serious, she didn't seem worried. "Well, I know if something happened to_ me,_" she said gently, "If I got wounded or ugly or just didn't want to, you'd talk to me about it. You wouldn't just throw me away or stop loving me." Hiccup was offended by the thought that he might. "So isn't it natural that I'd still want to be with you?"

Logically, Hiccup could follow her argument, but he still wasn't sure. Astrid sighed and patted his knee. "It's just something to think about."

Hiccup finished cleaning his leg and started fitting the parts back together. "Okay. I'll think about it." He wouldn't guarantee anything else. After all, he wasn't sure it was _just_ the sex issue pressing down on him now, or the only thing keeping him from being marriageable material.

But he was getting there. He wasn't worthless, and even if it killed him to wait, he was determined to be joined with Astrid before the gods and all sundry. It would just take a little effort.

He smiled to himself when he heard the delightful click of his peg leg rotating into place and locking tight. "There. Perfect." All cleaned out and ready to walk again. He strapped it to his leg and let out a contented sigh. "All is right with my world."

"Really? Because I still see an island covered in ice," Astrid teased, but Hiccup just laughed. As long as he could put one foot in front of the other, there was no storm he couldn't walk through. "Well, it's getting late. I better get back before Ruffnutt kicks me out of my bed. We're putting up the Thorston's," she explained, and Hiccup made a face in sympathy.

"You know, you don't have to go," he found himself saying. "You could spend the night here. With me," he added, as Astrid was giving him a calculating look. "I mean, the bed is just going to be a bunch of blankets on the floor, but the forge will keep it plenty warm, and-"

"Okay." He blinked a few times before the elation set in. "Okay. That sounds nice."

"Okay!" He hoped the grin on his face didn't look as stupid as it felt. But Hiccup at least managed to keep himself from cheering or whistling as he gathered fur and blankets and began spreading them out close to the fire. He used to sleep here alone, lonely and hiding from a house that was somehow worse, and now his refuge was going to be shared with the love of his life.

Maybe he couldn't yet connect with Astrid on the most intimate of levels, but this came very, very close. And someday, he would take her into his house and live with her forever...

"You seem really happy."

"M'lady, your eyes do you credit." Happy didn't even begin to describe it, especially when Astrid shifted the configuration of blankets to make_ one_ bed to be shared.

Astrid shimmied out of her studded skirt and boots, leaving only her shirt and leggings, and Hiccup similarly slipped under the covers in only his tunic and trousers. His leg, however, he left on, just in case of trouble in the middle of the night. With all the chaos, he had to be prepared.

But still, with Astrid beside him, trouble seemed so far away. "Well, good night..." he offered awkwardly, before Astrid devilishly asked if she was going to get a good night kiss. After that, the awkwardness disappeared, and they eventually settled into comfortable positions just as Toothless returned, shaking his black head and giving tired grumbles.

"Hey, bud. Welcome back." Hiccup yawned, then groaned as Toothless plunked himself down near the couple and let his tail flop onto Hiccup's stomach. But despite his initial protests, the weight and the warmth were comforting, and Hiccup gave up trying to shove it off.

Toothless and Astrid surrounded him, insulating him from the cold outside, and Hiccup felt a peace he'd never felt before. Yes, there was a sorrow, too. His father was gone, and there was so much uncertainty surrounding his mother, but his soul was clean and his heart was open as wide as Toothless' tail fin, ready to ride the changing winds.

Hiccup pressed a kiss to Astrid's hair and snuggled between her and Toothless, a smile on his sleepy face. He was the chief now. A grown man. And though he was a little dented from the journey, he was whole.

Finally, he was shifting into second gear.

* * *

_The End_

* * *

**There are two things I'm known for around here: Glacially slow updates, and stumbling a little on my endings. I think I averted that first one with this fic, and I hope I was able to go two-for-two and write a fitting conclusion.**

**Structurally, this was a very strange thing I was trying to pull off. To the people who reviewed so regularly on every chapter, thank you. It seems some of what I was trying to do made it through, and I'm grateful for everybody's interest and insight.**

**I could have been working on my original novel, or so many other projects, but this fic demanded to be written. And just like I could have been writing other things, you all could have gave up on it and gone to something else. Many of you mentioned it was difficult to get through.**

**But thank you for making it to the end. I know there were flaws, but this was an important story to me, and I'm proud of it. Thank you for sharing the experience with me.**


End file.
